Wednesday, February 11, 2009
hugs and kisses...proflowers.com....
what i want but no one knows....*sigh* maybe one day.....
....HuGz & KiSsEsS...
....tHe QuEsTiOn iS: wHy!?!?.....
well what a week this has been!
had a blast in illinois....got to see my friend(s)...it was a good time. we did good with only playing with 4 people. i seriously wanted to quit one day due to the ignorance and rudeness that bryan our coach) was giving off...he was a complete jerk and i have heard more than one person say that his ways has made them want to quit...i just need to talk to him...
hmmm have 2 test this week...had a presentation but it was pushed off until ned wednesday.
hmmmm heart day...each day i get more and more annoyed with it. it remindes me that i am alone..i dont have anyone that loves me, i dont have anyone in my life to be my rock and to hold me down...i am alone...i have no one...and i know i have to be patient, but it is so hard when everyone else around you has someone and is happy and you are stuck with nothing.
i mean yea me and him are still cool...but for some reason i have gotten this "F" it attitude. i mean what/why am i working so hard with him for when it is going no where? i mean seriously...why do i put the time and effort into it...i feel that i try sohard and all i keep hearing is "your a great catch"...ok then if im so great than why am i alone? or how about this, if im such a good catch then why do i keep gettin good for nothing guys in my life who always push me to the side? for once i just want to be at the top of someones list not at the bottem...
speaking of...ok i have this friend. i saw his "girl" of whatever she is hand in hand with another guy and go into a car with him...i mean i tried not to assume anything but it was hard not to by the "physical evedince"...so i had to decide if i was gonna tell me friend or not....well i did. b/cif it were me than i want to know...at first he didnt kow how to react...then he wanted me to intervene...well i was hesitant but did as he asked...well then today he tired to say that everything was cool and in a sense that he would rather not know such things...so now i feel crappy b/c i ruined it for him...but at the same time she has already broken his heart once i just didnt want it to happen again...but most importantly i guess i was more dissapointed b/c he was just cool with it and was still persuing her...ok if that is the case than why didnt doug do the same thing? i mean give chance after chance...i guess when you "love" someone that much you dont care...you see thrutheir bad just to be happy...
i think thati truly will never be happy...i really do...i guess i find it and somehow it always seems to go away...i just want to have it and keep it...but that is the hard part...keeping it...well better yet finiding someone who is in it for 100%...where im not the only one giving somuch. thats where the real problem is...
*sigh*....same s**t different day....LoL
but i try to keep my spirits up....i try to pray more...read verses to stay movtivated and uplifted...so i guess all that i can do now is wait...
......until next time........
....HaRd TiMeS 2 cOmE?....
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
well the thing that i personally thought i would never have to worry about has happened. today as i went into work, my boss had posted a change. not to the full time people but to people like me who are "part time"status. my hours were cut...and imean in half
well lucky for me, well i wouldnt say that it is luck but you know what i mean b/c i would never wish anything bad on anyone that i know...but a lady got really sick so i was able to pick up her hours which put me back at what i originally had. so i am good for now. but it does worry me. i mean i dont need alot to live off of, it is my car payment that i am most worried about. i have saved alitte bit, but i hope that i dont have to tap into it anytime soon.
i have always put things like relationships and jobs in the path of what god wants me to have. i feel that he has blessed me by looking out for me and letting me be able to find my way, so i hope and pray that he continues to do so and not just for me but for others who are having the same problem as me. i could not imagine what i would have to do without working...i am too dependent on my job. i mean if i really needed $ i could not just call my family and ask for it because they dont have it either. so i really need to watch what i spend so that i am not left in a bad situation where i am in dire need of finacial assistance. so until then i will keep praying and hope that things work for the best (not just for me, but for those other families who are going thru the same problems, i know my problems are a fraction of what they have to deal with and balance)
..................until next time.....................
...tAxEs...
Monday, February 2, 2009
well it is that time of year. i just got all of my W-2's (whichi got three....im proud of myself...each year i have less! LoL) i had one from the hotel, one from the hosiptal and the other from the school (work study). so i honestly do not know how to do my taxes...soooo i gotta ask my friend to do it...i really need to learn how to do it. :he: said that he does :his: and :he: said that its not that hard...but i dunno...i guess its just one of those things that i get lazy with...
well i could change that this year and just do it...we will see...i gotta get it done so that i can fill out my FAFSA...i like to get mine in early so that i can get all the aid and work study that i can get. so that is the plus side.
this is the 3rd week of classes...it really donst seem like it. i have a
7:30 and 8:30 and when i wake up its not that im tired..its the cold! i just
dont want to get out of bed! the groundhog saw his shadow today so you know what
that means...*sigh* summer needs to get here and FAST!
soooo i decided to do something nice for :him: on heart day. i was talking to a
guy friend of mine and he said that he would love if a girl did that for
him...that days focus is usually on the girl that its often overseen that the
guy might appreciate a little attention as well...so i think i am going
to...with the help of some friends...LoL
Well, i honestly cant think of anything else to say right now. hmmm...yea so im gonna get on my homework...
................until next time..................
....HeArT dAy....
Sunday, February 1, 2009
heart day....the one day of the year that in a sense i dread to see come...
i mean yes guys have given me gifts, but i have yet to have someone just make that day all about me...*sigh* maybe someday.i have been trying to decide if i want to do something for him for heart day. i mean do the whole reversal thing...cook dinner...candles...the whole thing....but then i question myself and ask why would i do something like that for someone who i wont say that he dosnt appreciate it, but what impression will it make. i mean i asked him to be my valentine and he freaked out...so i just do not know how he would feel if i tried to do something like that for him...i honestly just do not know.
which makes me not want to do anything at all...i dontk now, it is something that i keep going back and forth with in my mind.
this upcomming weekend is the bball tourney!! i am super excited. i am ready to hoop and beat some people! i have quite a few ppl coming to see me play so i am very excited about getting to see them. i wish that he could go to see me, but i know that they have a game next weekend as well so i know that he wont be able to. i wonder if he will be as enthusiastic about my games as i am about his games....guess we will see. this past week we have spent so much time together, partly b/c of his whole car situation...but he finally got it taken care of. i didnt mind helping him at all...but he did mess up 2 naps that i was trying to take...LoL...
i honestly miss home...i guess i miss the comfort of home...the places, my friends and family...the food! (the most important part! LoL)
since i have been back i just have not really been in the mood to go out and party. i mean i will drink a little and get a little buzz but then i just get tired and want to go to bed...LoL...
and the greek parties dont even really get started until almost 1 so by that time i am really tired or i have to go to bed early b/c i have to be at work super early in the morning. so i just feel old...i mean maybe the party scene in kville has lost its shine for me...i ask aubrie to go out with me but sometimes she gets the same way...i guess that means we are really getting old...LoL
last night i drank and even got all dressed up...but by the time 1230 got here i was sooo tired all iwanted to do was make it home and go to bed! yes i took a little cat nap during the day, but i still was suoer tired not to mention i had to be at work super early so i just wanted to try to get some sleep. oh and erica and some random gay guy busted in my room at 3am...that was annoying...i need to start locking my door. usually if he comes over i lock the door...but i need to do it more often esp when im at home trying to sleep.
i found a new place to live for next year. i did indeed pray abot it. i asked the lord to either bless me with finding a place of my taste or that will be a sign for me to look to get out of kirksville....and i found one! after looking all day on my off day on thursday, i found a BRAND NEW, 2 car garage...my own bathroom...3 bedroom...kitchen with dishwasher and washer and dryer...living room...hardwood floors...the works! for $300 a month!!!! thats on $75 more than what i pay now but everything will be new and just reflect the kind of style that i like...i am really excited and want to start a countdown to when i can move out of the place we are in now. i mean the place we r n now is not that bad, i just have been there 3 years and we dont have central ac/heat and its just an old house and i am ready for a change and for something new :) i will be sure to post pictures
well im gonna start some homework. i am at work and i just got done eating breakfast, had a kinda busy morning. im gonna try to do some homework since i did NONE yesterday...
.................until next time....................
....HiStOrY....
Friday, January 30, 2009
well i have yet to say anything about this and i feel that today is a good day to express what little political views i do have. on jan 20 2009 the FIRST african american moved into the white house, and so did his family...the first lady of which being an AKA :) skee wee soror! LoL
but yes i am happy...blessed...excited...that it has happened and that i got to see it. i honestly remember one day thinking to myself...will i ever see the day that a black man or woman would be in that position...and i did.
im am not very political at all. alot of the issues that they talk about really do not pertain to me...first i dont make enought money...dont have a house....dont have a full time job...and i dont have to pay for my health care or other stuff like that. so im not going to say that i dont care, but its def not on my priority list. i just do not care much about that kinda stuff...maybe one day down the road i wil...but as for now....nope...but i am happy that i got to see the events that went on a few weeks ago :)
next weekend is the start to our season with a bbal tourney in rock island, il. i am super excited. i wish that we could have more girls with us, but we hav alot of talent thisyear and i hope to do better and just overall do alot with the program thisyear. i am happy that i get to play and i want to focus on getting better this year...i want to do more than i usually do...but most importantly i want to make all conf team at least once this year! that is my goal :) so pray for me! and ill keep trying to work hard to get better.
basketball season is in full affect....no more football on ESPN (well after the superbowl this weekend) and then MARCH MADNESS!!! so i am very excited about that. i am hooked to ESPN even more that college ball is on. there are alot of good teams this year. so i am excited to see who makes it to march :)
its friday night...i get off of work soon....what should i do!?!?!? LoL
......................until next time...............
...VeNtInG...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
well right now...well a majority of today i have felt very annoyed. for some reason all that i do is never good enough for some people. i wish that some people could walk a day in my shoes...THEY WOULD NOT MAKE IT....today i woke up from a great sleep...left his house, went to class...had class...was happy becasue i actually had ALL of my homework done and despite giong to be after 1 and having to get up before 7am i did not feel sleepy at all during class...went home. took a nap...showered and changed...helped him with his car...went on campus to study for my biochem quiz...took quiz...my 2:30 was called off after we got to class...helped him again with his car...went to grab dinner, sent off the BBALL stuff, went home to change, took him and his roomey to eat...came to work...ok between all of that ALL day i have been runnig around to get the final signatures and approval for the bball tourney in illinois...b/c people want to wait until the last min to respond and then act like they want to go...but i find out today that they dont see that...i dont do ENOUGH as is for the team. it honestly wants me to not do anything anymore. the fun out of all that i do that is extra is gone now. i cant even joke around without ppl thinking there is something wrong...so i will just not say anything at all...
and as for my "sisters" i can not put in words how this year has been with us. me and britney are destined not to get along. i mean we do what we need to do, but when it comes down to it she wants to be the big D in the picture but when she says jump i refuse to say how hi...i refuse...and thatis the prob...but yet i never do enough as is...oh and forget her walking out on us...she wants back...and the other 2 runback to her like nothing happened. it is just annoying and not fun at all. it makes me miss tiffany and wynter and ash and cindy even more...i mean i honestly do not even want to be here anymore because of the past day. i just cant take it. people dont look and see what i do do, but they just focus on what they want to see and that is never enough....my attitude "fuck it" (pardon my french)...but what else can i do. i refuse to explain myself to anyone b/c i dont own them that and i have nothing to explain. fi they want to take on and do all the extra stuff that i do that they donot see then be my guest...
plus side to the past few days...his car has been messed up so i have beenhelping out by taking him to class or where ever else he needs to go. so in an essence we get to spend more time togeter. i mean i honestly felt better when i wasnt in my element of my regular routine and i could just hang out and laugh and just...enjoy the moment...but as soon as my feet hit the ground running again..it just starts all over again...
i honstly dont know what to do and it really makes me want tojust get in my car and drive away....far away...i dont know where...but it makes me want to just go somewhere....seriously i do...i just want to drive away and just get away....only problem is i have no where to go or anyone to see...so that is the only thing that really stops me. home is too far to go for just a few days...and i could go to STL or KC but they have jobs and school so i would be alone n e way...beside im on strike from going to STL still...and KC is just not fun at all...i honestly would go to chicago....i wold like that...see some people that i know...i actually know quite a few ppl there...but i will be going there next weekend to play ball..so that is pointless to go now...i guess i need to meet new friends n new places...LoL....oh well..i just want to get away...and its sad b/c yet again so early in the semester i feel this way...only diff is i am actually on top of ALL of my school work! LoL...yeai know, and ihave been keeping up with it....ill see how much longer i stay motivated...
well speaking of work im going to go do some...i just had to vent...just been a long day....if they win their game today and he is n a good mood then that will be the perfect cap to the day! wish us luck!
......................until next time...............
....SiStErS....
Monday, January 26, 2009
what is a sister...other than birth, what would qualify someone to reach a point to where they would call you sister?
i have alot of sisters....
my biological sisters (3 of them)
my ship (4 of them)
my sorority sisters (as a whole or just chapter wide...stilla big number)
bestfriends and roomies i have had (onlly a handful i would call my "sister)
a term so strong and enduring...is it a term of love without saying i love you?
would you ever just quit on those that you love?
quitting to me is not acceptable at all. letting down the people that depend on you the most. my biggest turn off as a woman when it comes to relationships with anyone is when you disapoint me or abandon me...that is the worst thing that you can do...it will take alot to redeem youself in my mind, but it is possible. i have a weakness for caring toomuch about those that i have let into my life...and there for it makes it extra hard for me to cut them out at all. i still stay in touch with alot of friends that i had in high school...thats b/c of i let them in, you are in a sense "family" i guess because growing up i had to depend on my friends to be my family support...and i still do at times. old habits die hard....and im sure that is one habit that will be hard forme to break.
.................until next time...........
....LiStEN....
Sunday, January 25, 2009
well today i am at work (yup the good ole 6am to 230 pm shift)
i like working weekends...the only thing i dont like is having to be up sooooo early, but other than that i enjoy the weekend. i dont have to deal with too many people and i get alot of my own personal stuff done. the hospital is not buzzing with 1/2 as many ppl and i can just do what i need to do and use my down time how i please....even better i get to be the only phlebotamist here on sunday and i dont have to deal with anyone else. i mean the people i deal with they are ok, they just do little things or get lazy and i have to end up doin the work anyway...so i would rather just be alone and have to do all the work than have it pushed onto me because someone dosnt want to do it.
this will be the third week of classes coming up. suprisingly i enjoy all of my classes. biochem is not too bad. the take home quiz we had i was able to do all but 2 problems so i was very proud of myself. maybe it wont be as hard as i thought. ill just hope for the best!!!!
this past weekend was tiff's bday. wynter went to celebrate with her in STL and i wish so bad that i could have gone!! but i had to work and had a ton of homework/reading that i had to get done. i miss all of them (my ship), i mean we all are not that far away, its just finding the time to meet up and planning things. its just not the same without them here. it was really hard at first but i am use to it now. going to miami with ashley was soooo much fun and i am so glad that i did that. i was scared at first, but in the end it was a great time and i got to spend time with ashley which we have not gotten to spend that much time together since she was here in kirksville over 2 years ago!
jennifer got a call from brown university! they wanted to do a phone interview. that is really good. i was so happy for her but at the same time i was envious. i mean i want to get into a better school and move away from truman. ill keep working hard and we will have to see where the good Lord wants me to be next
i did NOT want to get out of bed today! my bed was so warm and you know when you find that right spot and you just dont want to move...yea i was def in it and did not feel like going out into the cold to come to work. i have only called in sick once...so you could say that i am very dependable....but im not going to lie somedays im just tired and dont want to come...but despite that i get up,get dressed and come make sum money!
heart day is coming up...guess i will alone again...LoL...its ok, shawn said he would send me something if i wanted. i might take him up on that offer. i just for once want a REAL valentine...someone to cater to me( and not me catering to someone else)...someone to wine and dine and spoil me (and not the other way around). i really hope that all this waiting will pay off! good things come to those who patiently wait right?
.......................Until Next Time...................................
....LiStOgRaPhY.....
Friday, January 23, 2009
well the pic above is perfect...b/c i made a list last entry...now i am going to make another..LoL
this time the list i am making today is the "Things You Dont Know List"...
this list is a collection of things that most people dont know about me b/c they are just too selfish to pay attention or i just dont tell them :)
1.i LOVE to look at the stars...i dont know i just love looking up and taking a few sec. to drift off...i honestly think NO one knows that...
2. i love for the guys to play with my hair
3. coldstone icecream is the way to my heart!!! LoL (cheesecake with choc chips)
4. i hate when ppl i havnt made out with drinks after me...OMG i will just throw the drink away..
5. ive never had a guy do something romantic for me...not ONE things :(
6. i can not eat a whole pizza by myself...i try but when i get to slice #3 i start to get sick...LoL
7.i Love to cook! it is so much fun..i love trying to cook new and exciting things
8. i love a guy who can hoop and is not afraid to beat me...but will sometimes let me win :)
9. i love to sit and watch ESPN...my fav show...greys anatomy!!!
10. im not a "label hoe"...i like cute things if i get a bargain even better, and if it happens to be name brand then great...LoL
11. i have a great habit of showing my appreciation with my wallet...yea im gonna break that habit real fast.
12. im very independent, but i like a guy who even if i say no will Sometimes go against my will
13. i LOVE surprises!!! that is another way to win me...
14. i am very considerate...or just really dumb...LoL i give everyone the benefit of the doubt unless the prove me to think otherwise
15. i currently have 7 pillows on my bed...i love to just surround myself with them when i have to sleep alone...the best sleep ever!
16. i manage my money VERY WELL...people think im "ballin" well im not rich but im not living pay check to pay check b/c i try to manage the money that i do get.
17. i love to listen to music, workout, play golf and hoop...i use those things to relax...
18. i hate FEET! i mean i think its a little weird when ppl touch my feet...but im not gonna lie i have gotten one really good foot massage before
19. i only sing if im alone ad i know no one is around..and i do the same with dancing...
20. one day i want to bungee jump and sky dive! gotta do something crazy b4 i get 2 old 2do it
21. WHEN i go to a lakers game...my seat will be court side and i will be wearing wither a KOBE or JOHNSON jersey...
22. i want to own a bar or club or something that will bring in some easy cash...think it will b fun
23. i want to have a HUGE family...i mean me actually giving birth to all of them im not sure about but i will foster and adopt :)
24. i love to swim..i dont get to do it often but i can swim like a fish
25. i hate bugs! any kind! or bats....or birds....anything with wings...just freaks me out if they get close to me
26. i want to travel EVERYWHERE...i want to go to all 50 states...
27. i am a very optimistic person...i always try to see the good of bad situations and look at long term affects of something and not just what is right now...
28. mystical...UGK...and other old school hits are a must! i was raised on them...
29. i LOVE reggae music!
30. im a light weight when it comes to drinking...LoL only a few drinks and im gone...
31. im a tomboy at heart...but yet i still like to a pretty girl at times...but it still comes out
32. i love to wear my guys t-shirt or shorts or something...esp if they are just HUGE on me :)
33. i like thoughtful creative gifts...u dont have tobuy expensive crazy things, just something thoughtful and creative...
34. even tho i might try to act hard, i do like a little affection
35. the best way to spend the night is cuddled up sippin on wine and watchin a good movie
36. i hate being fake or not true...if i dont like someone or something i will make it known instead of trying to dance around it and act like everything is ok
37. i love honesty...not telling the truth just causes more problems...even tho the truth might hurt i would rather know the truth than be lied to
38. i just want to be happy!!! make me happy and that is all i need...
39. my fav candy...BIG HUNK (which u can only get in my home town) or hot tamales!
40. my fav pizza: from pizza hut or digiorno
41. love turtle cookies or brownies, my dads home made cheesecake, & my roomies baked goodies (yes all of them are good b/c everything she has made i have liked...thanx danielle! :) )
42. i like to eat healthy and TRY to lead a healthy lifestyle...but that dosnt always work out...hey somedays you gotta indulge! LoL
43. He has got to have short fingernails!!! (long fingernails are just so gross...LoL)
well those are the major points that stick out n my mind for right now...but im sure i can add more to the list after i think about it for a little bit :)
well today is friday and i really want to go out and get a little intoxicated...LoL but we will see how that goes when i get off of work. brandon is leaving for his away game. so ill have the night to hang out with the girl...even tho i did drop a hint last night that i wanted him to come over i dnt think that he got it...LoL...oh well...all i can do is wait... but yea drinking is def the plans for tonght b/c i have done good and i havnt drank ina while! so yea, its time...i will get some homework done then reward myself :) sounds like a plan to me!!!
........................until next time....................
