....LuSt...oR sUmThiNg MoRe?....

Friday, November 21, 2008

Well that has been a question on my mind the past few days...

"him" ...(who will still remain nameless...LoL gotta keep this one on the low b/c im not sure where its going yet...and i today just chilled...i took a "PJ" day (which is a day where i dont go to class...i dont do anything! i lay around and enjoy the day in my PJ's...gotta have my alone time!) it was so nice! yesterday he has an AMAZING game...im pretty sure that i was more excited about his game than he was...LoL..he got to start and he wasleading with pts! (19 pts!)

its at this point is whn i question alot of things....i honestly am happy and i enjoy the time that we do get to hang out...but like with the past things to me seem fine and then all of a sudden things just turn bad...i dont like it! and i keep gettng flash baks to "the others"...its just not good...i think whats makin so bad is the fact that iam really starting to like him but i honestly just do not want to get thrown to the side again..i honestly cant take something like that again. i really cant. but...i will just take it for what it is right now and just keep wakin up each day and hopin for the best to come of each day.

but until then...hewill still be my cowboy....LoL

school sux! i am sooooo tired of this semester...and i dont know what im gonna do with my life...which is even worse...i just dont like not knowing what i m gonna do or having a plan at all...its NO FUN...but i am working on it and hopefully i will find something out soon...
...............until next time..............

......SiGh.... :)

Friday, November 14, 2008

Well today...on a scale b/w one and 10 woould have to be a 7 or 8. Nothing exciting happened today, but i did get to wake up next to "him"...LoL we got to cuddle...might i add he did steal the covers last night leaving me cold, i just enjoy sleeping next to someone and having someone there. Im really getting use to "him" and i hate to admit it but i am starting to really like "him" too...not sure if that is in the "rules" or not but it is happeneing. i am trying my hardest to not get too emotionally attached b/c of what happend last time. i put so much into things with ray and look what happened. not to say that he will do that to me i just cant take that again. i just need a break i need something good. i need and want to be happy.

Classes such....havnt gotten into med school yet...but i am still looking at other options. i just hate the idea of me not being in med school next year. now i have to waste a year on school other than med school...but i dunno maybe it will be a good thing. right now school is hard for me b/c i am not motivated to do anything right now...LoL the semester is almost over but still...its just hard! im worn out!

we have our first bball tournament tomorrow! we have Mizzou, SIUE, and a team from illinois commin down. i am really excited! i hope that we win but i am also just excited to see how it goes.

Well im sure you already know that everyone knows, we have a BLACK president (yea this blog is late but i still have to talk aboutit). yes it is a big deal and i am just glad that i was able to witness it. i pray for him and his family saftey! but it is a great thing and the first lady is an AKA! :) the first and the finest! LoL...but yea just had to make that side note.

weeeeelll i am gonna surf the net some more and just get some stuff done..im at work and things are NICE :)

.......until next time.....

......No MoRe SoRrOw....

Sunday, November 2, 2008

well it is offical!!!! i am done...and but of couse this will be last time i wright about it...
so i look on facebook and ray is in a relationship...LMAO...ok thats fine and all so i text and ask him you know hey is there something weird with me b/c you kept telling me that you were "busy" and selfish" but clearly u were not too busy to b talkin to this girl right? he says...i lost interest...ok that is all fine and dandy than why did he not man up and tell me that shit a while ago? LoL yea...but its kool...i for sure wasnt trippin....esp after i saw what she looked like....i mean i feel better knowing that he had to "down grade"...i mean in my opinon thats whatit looks like...i guess she could hav a great personality and maybe she can offer him things i cant...but u know...no loss to me...

me and "him" hav been hanging out alot latly...i guess thats why i dont even care anymore. i mean yes this whole this is completly unexected and came out of no where, but i do enjoy it. its fun and give me something to look forwerd to everyday. not to mention we spend the night with eachother 5 out of the 7 nights out of the week...LoL nice to just have someone to keep ya warm you know....but yea...

our week of service starts tomorrow! im excited and just ready to ge tit over with!!!!! LoL

about 5 more weeks of school left! so gotta stay focused and motived to make it to the end! thats the hard part...staying motivated...but ill keep trying....we will see how it end up :)

well had a few sec to write...so i did....will be back soon!

.............until next time!..........

.....WhErE iS tHe eNd Of ThE rOaD...

Sunday, October 19, 2008

well yesterday we had a step show in bloonington, il...needless to say we lost. and yet again it was the butt of alot of problems for the week. trying to fit in practice and deal with trying to change the show was an issue. yet again disresepct was slashed out on ME...and you know i just cant take it anymore. what makes them think its ok to take their bad days outon me? maybe because im kinda the "lone ranger"...AKA is not my job 24/7...im in several other orginizations, i have a good job, and i do other things with my life that they do not do AT ALL! someone suggested jeliousy..and now i am starting to see that. We should have done the Texas show and we wouldnt have this problem like we have now....

but yea we got stopped by the cops twice (once b/c she didnt switch lanes when someone was pulled over by the police and the 2nd time b/c her light on her license plate was out...yea i know...WTF?) we left illionis at about 11....got back at 5 AM! i got us off track by 45 min b/c i didnt know i was supose to turn off onto another highway, but i fell asleep after that and i have no idea what else happened. we almost hit deer 3 times...went thru mystic fog twice...but by the grace of God we made it back safe. i got some good sleep i guess...i selpt from about 12:30 until we got to kville. and i woke up everytime she would slam on her breakand scream when deer would run into the road....but yea we will see how far it will carry me into the day

well....gotta go do some more work..then breakfast time! :)

....until next time....


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

This is me....everyday....

this picture depicts how i feel...almost everyday! LoL this damn anatomy class has me studying non stop! its not fun at all!!!!

well today was a good day

got some really good sleep last night (although me and HIM have spent the night with eachother for the past 6 nights but not last night :( i will admiti did miss havin him there but it was nice to stretch out in my bed and not have to worry about rollin over on anyone...but it is nice to have someone to snuggle up with...)

woke up...had some GOOD breakfast...even tho it was raining outside it made it pretty cold in the house. reminded me that winter time is coming soon :(

got dressed...and walked to class....classes were ok...oh and i listend to Foregn Exchange all morning. it just put a lil extra pep in my step for some reason...its nice when you find some songs that just motivate you throughout the day...

oh yea i called HIM to make sure he was awake early b/c he had a test to study for and i told him i would call and make sure he was up (b/c like me he will reset the alarm for like 30 more min or a hour...LoL...bad habit that i havnt done in a while! )

This is the first guy at Truman that i have "talked" to...and its weird but i like it. its nice to get to actually see that person and hang out...im def not use to that. all my most recent (well a majority of my relationships) have been long distance. so this is def new to me...i dunno i am starting to like him, well let me rephrase that. i already liked him, but its growing...i am somewhat holding back because i dont want to get my feelings hurt again. i mean with ray he was "too busy" for me...but was on the low with some other chick...i just dont want the same thing to happen. im tired of starting something with someone for it to end in a dead end...i have no regrets b/c you learn from every decision that you make...but i have been patient...the good lord has taught me to be patient...maybe this will turn out to be something really good for me...ill keep praying on it to see how it turns out.

ok here is the house situation...i am the only one that cleans, i am the only one who buys plastic silverwear,plates, cups or toilet paper/paper towels....erica will wake me up from my naps...she will come get my computerand not puts it back...food is going missing...the dishes never get cleaned...the list goes on...oh and one roomey hasnt paid rent or bills....and this isnt the first time...its just annoying!!! i hate it...i dunno its justnot fun at all...something needs to change or i really will go crazy!!!!

well bak to the books...took a little break to write out my thoughts...i need to do that more often...it really does help!

.....until next time....

....RiDe Em CoWbOy?... LmAo

Sunday, October 12, 2008

well...today...is a good day...well this past weekend was overall a good weekend.
despite spending time with HIM almost all weekend, it was really fun. i got to sleep in a little bit, even went to Columbia to do a lil shopping. it was just fun...HE who i originally had no interest in at all has now become my top interest almost each day. i mean its just so weird and random how things like this can just come up and bite you in your azz....LOL...well i didn't expect it at all. But i will say that i am having alot of fun and just will try to make the best out of what time we do get to spend together....

oh and i did not tell you about the step show(s)
our step show:
well the movie i tried to change and the outfit i rejected to buy oh so many times....are what cost us the trophy...LoL funny huh...just imagine...the ideas and concerns the prophyte has is what can actually help the show out....*sigh* oh well...AT LEAST ITS OVER!!!!! LoL

oh and TEXAS....yes yet again we played the alphas from tech...well i would say completely...we did not get approved...but you know my "ride or die" attitude about everything, i was down to go and do the show any way...well ALL the sororities backed out....sooo we pretty much walked away from $5000....uuuuh yea! i know....oh well....like i said before....AT LEAST ITS OVER!!!

me and britney are still weird...i mean i cant just be kool with you when u cant even attempt to try to be respectful to me...so why should i try? i know i would feel diff is it only happened once or twice...but not time after time...after time...no thanks!...fool me once, fool me twice, but never a 3rd time! (not sure if that is the right analogy...LoL)

well back to HIM...this whole situation is just so unexpected. i mean do u really ever anticipate meeting someone and actually start to like them? i mean after my bad luck streak i just never saw it to be possible, so maybe that is y i am still in awe about the situation...
but i am having fun...and he makes me laugh all the time...not to mention his eyes r amazing! LoL...oh & he has a really nice body...he is a gr8 kisser...& the list goes on...its nice 2have sum1 like that in the same city as me! most of my relationships have been long distance...so this is a nice change...

well enough with that...stay tuned

.......until next time......

....tHe LiGhT.....

Friday, October 10, 2008

well a few days ago i heard these words...." when i see these guys and then i see you, i don't even know why you give them your time...i just think you can do so much better..."

for the past few days those words have been ringing in my head...

and you know what is so bad...well good...is that after hearing that i actually think its true. i really had to lean back and look at my past. have i been lowering my standards just to have something in my life? is it better to have nothing rather than just settling for something? questions like that keep swimming in my thoughts and it makes me realize the person that i am and what i should be looking for.

good question...what am i looking for?

my track record for guys these past few years has been very eclectic with style and personalities...i mean what is my type? its like the question that was asked to Julia Roberts in "Run away bride" when she couldn't figure out how she liked to eat her eggs....well i think i am starting to figure that out...well i am trying too at least. at this point, yes i am young and a Lil goodlooking...LoL...but to be honest i don't want the random calls or texts, i want the reliability and ownership of a meaning relationship. yes i am getting "older"...but i experience so many things each day, but yet i do know have one person that i can share that with.

I'm gonna end on this quote....
Everyone walks down the road of rejection and resentment...that is when you pick up your pride, dust it off, and find something BETTER!

that is dedicated to YOU...the headliner...the beginning act...the whole show...and the after party...

i bid fair well...you can be selfish but not on my time...I'm sad it just took me this long to realize it...what was i holding on too? hopes, ambitions, what ifs? yea i think that's it...and while you were too busy not having time for me...I'm sure you made plenty of time for her....LoL..its OK...when you seem me years from now, living my dream....i wont be able to resist asking the question do you wish you were the man on my side...holding me down...most importantly living our dream off of my 6 or 7 figure salary checks? LMAO...oh well, you live, you learn, you make mistakes...but never...no regrets...from your biggest fan, to someone i cant even understand....this is to you, here is your kiss on the forehead....and my best wishes to you....

......until next time....


Sunday, September 28, 2008

well this is the start of the 6th week of school...and itfeels like we have been in school for 12 weeks. my classes are ok...I AM READY FOR THE STEP SHOW TO BE OVER!!!! LoL...i am ready to have my life back...the step show is this weekend so i am ready for it to be done with. it takes up so much of my time, and the thanx that i get...NOTHING

i need a vacation...somewhere away from here. i was/am seriously thinking of moving far far away when i graduate. go somewhere new....fresh start...after these past few weeks i really want to. i have no reason to stay in the midwest. i def dont have somone to stay here for....so why not. a new adventure for my life after truman.

some days i just feel so alone. i mean yea i have my roomies and aubrie and my sorority sisters...but i just get tired of tellingthem things and i know that honestly they dont understand or cant relate...

latly for some strange reason ive been thinking about douglas alot. im not sure why. and it just sux...i dont like having him on my mind. i know that i am the last person that he is thinking about. ijust want to be appreciated and have someone i can come home to. someone who isnt after me just for certain things but who honestly cares and wants to know about me. maybe one day. i keep thinking that maybe i have a curse or something...but i know that i have a history of wanting things right when i want them...and God always makes me learn the meaning of patients over again. good things come to those who wait...right? i hope so! well gonna go eat and start some homework...

......................until next time...............

....nO mOrE cOmPlAiNinG....

Sunday, September 14, 2008

well i am back and in full affect

took my MCATS yesterday...this is how i feel about it..... :-/

well i had to drive to springfield,mo to take my test b/c i yet again was a procrastinator and i signed up too late to get a seat anywhere close to my area. so i had to drive 5 hours just to take the test, not to mention get a hotel room and buy gas...ooh but i did go shopping before i left and that made me feel so much better!

on my way bad, someone (who i said iw ould not say his name anymore nor talk about...but i feel i have to b/c it is the turning point)...was in columbia. well i had to drive thru columbia to get to kirksville. so i text and asked if i could meet him somewhere to say hi and just to show him my new car and so on and so forth...he says yes...well so i get 10 miles from columbia and call...straight to voicemail...so i first get mad...yes i was mad...so i decided i need to get gas i will call when i hit the city b4 i get gas so i can decided what to do next. so i get further into town, pull into the gas station, fill up...and call again. this time it rings a few times and then goes to voicemail (which means he pressed the ignore button...we have the same phone so yea...i know the deal)...so i send him a text...no reply, so i pull out of the gas station and just head back to kirksville. ok, now if you were going to be busy or just didnt want to see me fine TELL ME...dont play games. who knows what he was doing and to be honest i dont care. he has disappointed me for the last time. and i think it finally hit that why harbor feelings for someone when the feeling is not returned? why waste my time to show interest when it is just ignored? i fell that i am a good person, with a good head on my shoulders, ad a bright future, why should i even tolerate to be treated this way? so its official...i give up. im not going to try anymore. yes there were alot of reasons why i did like him but to be honest right now its not worth it anymore. im tired of getting my feelings hurt and not being appreciated for the things that i do try to do for him. to be honest i should be trying this hard to get any man...he should be the one chasing after me. oh well guess its back to square one...and im ok with that. i would rather be alone and looking than just sitting around and waiting for no good reason. "im too fly to be depressed"...LoL

but on a lighter note classes are ok...school is just school....im still tired of certain people...i guess i will never understand some people but i guess that is just the law of the land.

ooooh we HAD a mouse...toya saw it...i called the landlord and he brought over sticky paper...and within 30 min he was caught...i was in springfield when all this was going on, but im just glad its gone! i think i saw it once a long time ago, but just the idea of it being n the house....eeeew....the landlord said its possible b/c of all the rain. we dont leave food out and most of our fresh stuff in in the fridge...so i guess that would be a good reason.

i might get to see iowa next week...LoL yes i know...but its fun to see him

well thats all i got...
.......until next time......

....wEeK 2....

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

well this is the middle of week 2 for classes...and IT SUX! i have so much homework on top of working and all the meeting i have to go to with the different orginizations im in...its just crazy!!! so far i am doin pretty good..yesterday was a bad day :-/...but i got thru it...just had a freak out about the MCATS...in which i am takin sept 13th...my last time b4 i registar for med school...*sigh*...we will just have to see what happens....took a 5 min study break..gotta get back to studyin anatomy...i have a test friday!!!!

....until next time....

...30 hOuRz N a DaY rIgHt?...

Thursday, August 28, 2008

well it seems like there are not enough hours in a day to get everything done. I have been getting my homework done, and thanks to my job i get a little time to study my anatomy notes...its just the other things outside of work like meetings, step practice, going here, take me there, pay this, take that there....all the little extras that take time and that i have to squeeze in between classes or before work. but its ok...i try to convince myself that i am superwoman some days so i can get everything done...but like today it hit me and i just had to crash. put everything aside and i took a NAP! LoL yup right n the middle of the day and woke up, ate and came to work. I needed it! i have been staying up until almost midnight or later (b/c we have step practice) and then this week i have been coming to work at 6 am to help with morning draws then straight to class...and from then i am just running around. but i only have to do that this week, next week will be ALOT better. i changed my schedule and i even get to choose which day i get off....so im starting to get back in the groove of things which is nice and i so far so good...just gotta keep the studying up for my anatomy class :-/....but its ok, ill keep at it and hopefullyi can stay on top of everything....

well time to get ready to go home!!! but im gonna study and we have step practice so my day isnt close to being over yet....

.....until next time....

...FiRsT dAy Of ClAsSeZ...

Monday, August 25, 2008

Well i made it thru the first day of classes. And YES i already have a TON of homework. i miss the lower level classes when the teacher were not as mean and did not throw alot of work at you during the first week of class...but thats what i get for going to Truman i guess....

found a new thing that i can start to vent about. Im gonna call this person the "queen bee"...in which she thinks she is.

complaint #1:
for the step show. i came to the meeting prepaired. had a list of about 4 theme ideas. had ideas that i wanted to incorporate into each idea with outfits and other things we can do in the show that would be a "attention getter"...but nope. the mood was set on another theme...which is not a bad idead but its hard to come up with costumes and other aspects....so i was the "bigger man" so to speak and i let them have their theme...i did not argue

complaint #2:
we want to build a prop for the stage...but the "queen bee" wants togo all out and build damn near a fort thats going to be costly to build, impossible to travel with (yes she suggested we put it on top of my car and drive it to the step shows....uh HELL NAW!!! LoL)...and just hard to build and more complicated than it should be....we r still "discussing" the matter now...

complaint #3:
we are sending the alumni i postcard just giving them an update on this years events. "the queen bee" wants to take a pic in front of a fire place....but i dont. my reason...a fire place pic = happy holidays/merry xmas and a happy new year...its summer and its nice outside...why not take a nice shot outside? but she dosnt want too....b/c she just dosnt like it...

when it comes down to it she wants EVERYTHING her way. she has her ideas and thoughts and does not want to give consideration to what anyone else, or me, can come up with. and it dosnt help that artesha is her bestfriend and lauren is her ship so all 3 of them automatically side with eachother....its like me against them...neos vs prophyte....this sux! and i dont like it. i can comprimise but when this becomes a habit and there is an issue about everything and everything is your idea and your way i can only give in so much....im sure u will be hearing of more arguments that we have....

well gotta start the homework i have :(

.....until next time....

....iCe BoX...

Sunday, August 24, 2008

well this will be the LAST time i talk about this...personally i am just sick and tired of being sick and tired and when that happens all i want to do is talk about it. so here goes...

i sent ray a letter. i was just askinghim basicallt if he had lost interest and why he has failed to do some things or make more of an effort in general. his reply...he is busy. "he is working in 2 careers" with that being his real job and his music thing. he was hoping that things would have settled down by now so that he could pursue things further with me. i am not a bother to him, but at the same time i am not that important. so my worst fear did not come true. i figured that it was someone else or he just lost interest completly. but to some extent he has because if he was as interested as he use to be than he would make more of an effort when it comes to me and him. I do really like him, i really do...but i guess all i can do is wait for either him to come around of for someone else that will be put in my life. one of the things that i hate the most is the feeling that i am not wanted...me being alone. and that how i feel. i felt it growing up at home when all the things were going on with my parents and i moved on my own...and i feel it now. i mean yea i have been trying to talk to other people but i honeslty feel that it is to fill that empty void that i feel. when it comes to relationships i only get Hot or Cold....Hot means i meet a guy and he is just head over heels for me. and in this case i think i finally warm up to the idea of being with them and then it happens....so far everytime that has happened it hasnt ended very good....Cold means i meet a guy and i start to really like him. But i like him more than he likes me...so i am left feeling this way.

Aubrie said something to me the other night that made alot of sense...she said tru happiness comes from no man but from God. and i agree with that 100%. i guess that just means that i need to work on myself and my relationship with god before i can find that fulfilling relationship. I do want to be happy with someone, but i dont want to just settle to create that. so my instinct is telling me to just wait and see what happens. Good things come those who wait. good example...my car. i was so eager to get it when summer started and i wanted it right then...but i had to learn to be patient and now look. i have the car that i want and i am very happy with what i was blessed with. So i guess that is all i can do is wait & see what happens. whether i get that happiness with ray or with someone else, i just want it to be true and genuine. so instead of stupid boys i am going to turn all my attention, time, and energy on the things that are important and that need to get done now.

school starts tomorrow....not sure how i feel about it...LoL...we will see.

....until next time....

....ScHoOl TiMe AgAiN...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

well it is time for school again. It feels soooo real now that people are getting back to town and the town is coming more alive. after the ghost town that was here during the summer, its good to see ppl my age and not just the townies. im still having mixed feelings about school starting but im ready to do things with my sorority and have fun with basketball, but at the same time im not ready for the test and homework and all the other school stuff i have to deal with. oh well, gotta take the bad with the good right?

this friday is our first party...we are throwing it with the kappas, it should be pretty good since its on friday and most people will b back in town by then. THEN saturday we (me and my roomies) are havin a BBQ...we bought all the food and stuff today. we spend almost $200 bux so far, but hey its for a good cause. just the chance to get to know people and to just offer free food and a good time to anyone who wants to come. im excited about it b/c it will give me a chance to get to know some of the new people that are here and to just see a bunch of the "old" people that i am cool with.

well got the house clean, and my car clean. now i guess i can study for the MCATS...im gettin scared now b/c i did a practice test and could not answer alot of them...so i want to hit it hard now so i can be better prepaired for it....

.....until next time....

...bAcK 2 sQuArE 1...

Sunday, August 17, 2008

well im at work now...what a suprise. i did not work at all yesterday! which was sooo nice. im starting to cut back on my hours b/c school starts soon and i gotta focus on my studies.

well i did not sleep good at all last night. i took a nap late in the afternoon by accident yesterday so it was hard for me to sleep. than someone at work called me at 4am to "make sure i was comin into work at 6 am"...LoL yes im commin in, when have i not? so then i work up every few sec thinking i was going to oversleep...it was just a bad night. but hopefully 2nite will be alot better.

ive decided that i am going to write RVS a letter and send it to him along with the stuff i got him when i was in texas....and carlos is a prob no go...he asked me for $ again... :( im sorry that is just something i cant deal with. i would ask aubrie or call one of my sorority sisters or even call my family for $ b4 i asked the guy i was dating or talkin to... just one of those thngs...*sigh*...oh well....we will see. maybe the letter will encourage ray or he will just leave me be for good. guess alli can do is send it to him and pray for the best.

bought a grill yesterday! so we might have a BBQ sumthin this week and invite a whole bunch of ppl over...im excited about it. i think it will be alot of fun. erica and danielle r both back :) im happy b/c i dont have to be home alone anymore and it just makes it seem like school is about to start....so ill need help withthis semester b/c it will b BUSY! but hopefully ill b able to pull it together and get everything done...

.....until next time....

Cuando digo que te amo...yo te amo...

Friday, August 15, 2008

i found this and i just had to share it...

Cuando digo que te amo...

yo te amo...

te busco en la oscuridadpara

continuar amándote al amanecer

pues para nuestro amor

no hay tiempo ni limites que nos separen.

Si te busco,

voy a tientas

voy segura

y se que te encontraré

... siempre...

Cuando te amo,

mi amor se extiende mas que el amor

voy recorriendo caminos



esos que siempre han unido

nuestros cuerpos.

Por donde quiera que vaya

llevo tu sonrisa dibujada en mi sonrisa

te beso y nuestros labios

vibran de color y del sabor de la miel

vamos abriéndonos sin limites

a todo el amor que nos rodea...

Es así...

te amo aquí

hoy estoy aquí

hoy estas aquí....

*all of this was found on the page of :
good job and wonderful work! :)

...StUnTin iZ a HaBiT sO gEt LiKe Me!....

so i decided today i will tell you about my new car :)

it is an NEW 2008 nissan altima...stick shift...had 16 miles on it when i drove it off the lot...it is "winter frost white"...with coal interior....it has 4 doors and yes it still has its used car smell :)

since i had to drive back to missouri from texas i alreay put 1000 miles on it...yea i know thats alot! but since the town i live in is so small i wont get too many mile on it. i think since i have been back on monday i have put 15 miles on it and that included going to work everyday and to the doctor i shadows office oh yea and my walmart run...LoL...but i LOVE it and i am both happy and blessed to have gotten to get the car that i wanted. hard work pays off as i had NO life this summer b/c all i did was work so that i could get it. but im happy with the outcome now i gotta get ready for school to start

soon to come...pix of yours truly in the new ride...a sexy car for a sexy driver! LoL

my roomey danielle comes back tomorrow! im super excited about that...ive been in the house alone for the past few nights b/c erica out other roomey is gone with the football team to football camp and toya my other roomey is in iowa doing research...so ive been alll alone in our big house but it has been nice to be alone and b able to blast my music and walk around with no clothes on...LoL dont act like u wont do it if you were home alone and had no one to look out for.

well since i have gotten the car i want...for now...LoL...i have been starting to think about the house i want to build next...yes i said build! im gettin there...give me a few more years to get out of med school and i will have it all! its never too early to start thinking about sumthin like this...i mean if i want something i work hard to get it. i can say that everything that i have (inculding my college education) i have worked hard and paid for on my own! even my new car! so i can say that i have alot of things to show for my hard work and hopefully it will pay off

what home dosnt need the huge stair case as you walk in the front door...it is a def must have! i dont like the design of the metal on the stair rails but i love the desin of the actual stari case

DETAIL! one of the most important things...i want lots of details in the ceiling, in the walls, everywhere,...you would be amazed at how much it can improve the look of a simple space

LOVE the tub and the see thru shower...i want one of those fancy showers that comes from all angles. i got to test one out in a hotel we stayed at recently and it was WONDERFUL...so that is a must have...love the his/hers sinks...

I really like the hidden refridge. i love the island in the middle of the kitchen, it adds space and a uniquness to the kitchen...i would probably choose a different color for this are but overall i like it

living area...one word...SPACE..i like the wide open space and all the sitting areas...its a great place to bring company and just chat...this is a def good idea.

well thats all i got for now...stay posted

.....until next time.....

....bAcK 2 wOrK....

Thursday, August 14, 2008

well today was alot better. i got up, finished writing 2 papers, turned both in, helped britnay move into her new place, FINALLY finished unpacking...and now i am at work. i am starting to get back in the grind of things, i kinda slept in a little late this morning but i am going to try to start wingin myself to gettin back on my old routine...

not excited that school starts on the 25th...but i am kinda excited about it...i dunno it is a mixed emotion but hey it is my last year!!!!

so i have the chance to go to STL this weekend...my only reason 4 going would be raymond...but he is not making any attempts to come see me so i honestly think that i will just stay here...clean up...learn the step show and just work. i mean yea it would be nice to see him but like i said b4 i am putting in way too much effort to get nothing at all in return....besides i have carlos :) LoL yea i know im a mess but hey he is really nice and i love the conversations we have. last night he had me rollin the whole time we were on the phone. i think this is exactly what i needed...i guess good things come to those who wait...

my car is still sexy and beautiful...well it got a lil dusty and dirty on the inside b/c i was helping brit move into her new place today, but tomorrow when i get some down time im gonna go and clean it out...gotta keep it lookin so fresh and so clean! LoL im excited for school to start so i can show it off to everyone.

well im at work...cant think of much else to talk about...so i guess ill check my email and start studyin my MCAT stuff...gotta get ready for the test!!!!

.....until next time.....

....tryin to get back in it....

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

well i am back from texas and it is REALLY hard for me to get back in the swing of things. i am just strugglin to get motivated to do the things i did b4 i went home. i cant stay up late and sleep in like i did while i was at home...i cant just sit around and do nothing i actually have to get back to doing things. I WILL start tomorrow. i stayed up late talking to carlos :)...LoL ill talk about that later...and i woke up, went to shadow Dr. Feeland, went home took a nap...got up 1/2 way unpacked...then came into work early.

learn the steps for the stepshow
study for the MCATS (yes i pushed the date back again...i know i am really slacking...)
make reservations for the formal that is in october
go to walmart to buy food ( i am OUT!!! LoL i ate it all b4 i left and now that i have a car i have just been buyin food...i need to be smart and save the $ and just go to walmart)
send brandon his part of the deposit
pay the water bill
finish unpacking
finish my papers for my summer class
clean out my car... :) (not use to sayin that yet)
hmmmmmm i think that is all i need to do

school starts in a few weeks!!!! im both excited and not ready for school to start...we will see how it goes...but i am excited about it being my last year here at truman...hopefully...LoL...

starting to treat people how they treat me...and when i say people i am meaning raymond...i am not going to make any more attempts to try to foster anything...i have put in WAY too much effort and if he cant see that than oh well...maybe its time to let that go....

not i saw carlos when i drove thru oklahoma city...we had a blast! at first i was not sure how it was going to go, but we ended up having alot of fun...he kept me laughin and he is a gentleman and just overall really nice. so right now i guess ill see where it goes...he is already making plans to come see me in a few weeks! how about that! someone actually showing intrest and offering to come see me! i dont have to ask..and he actually calls me! and we have conversations! i know crazy huh!

oh and after oklahome i was on my way back to kirksville...well actually i was going to stay in KC for the night....bbbbut i found out iowa was gonna b in iowa which is an hour from kville..so i just drove back and went and hung out. it was alot of fun b/c we havnt hung out and played checkers (like we usually do...LoL) in a while. it was just nice to see an old friend and just conversate and visit. but then i came back to kville and had to work. i am still tryin to catch up on sleep and i feel jet lagged...LoL yea i know texas is in the same time zone but for some reason i just get tired and im not sleeping as good...or im jsut catchin up on some good sleep i didnt get while i was partyin EVERYDAY at home...LoL...i had fun

went out with ashley, hung out with shawn...got to see the phamily...talked with my pops...saw some old ppl i went to school with...and just had fun...oh yea shopped...and got my baby...my CAR! :) i promise pix will come soon. i miss all my friends already! :( but its ok ill go home again soon!!!!

well gotta get to studyin...gotta get ready for the mcats....if i can think of n e thing else to share i will!

.....until next time......

....*press 7....

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

this song i cant stop listenin 2 and i LOVE it... i jammed to it a good portion of the time iwas drivin bak from texas :) so im gonna share it with ya

Press 7....by TYGA

First off let me clear my chess started off on baby steps
We get right to the moment where babys come next
Grab tight holdin our self to whats nothin left
Two choices Im ya boyfriend or lets just forget
After dat you plead like
I can't believe what we did
So only option was to agree and keep it secret
Or ya friends will make ya think that ya just another cheerleader
On his team, Tyga man a playa
See but, don't believe what ears can hear and eyes can not see
You seeing me on a daily baby wheres my time for another lady?
get over it, trust me, faithfully, i can be all that you need

Say you want to let me go and thats gonna have to end
You can Go and getta new boyfriend
But you'll never getta better boyfriend

Love just aint our way but,
You know i don't pretend
Imma go and getta new girlfriend
Imma get myself a better girlfriend

[2nd Verse] [Girl Talks on Answering Machine]
Dear Ma, Misses She left ya guard down
For girbuads and riches
So we tore the mall down
And therefore fullfilled your little wishes
No more penny, pigeon, chowing at places
Dinner to reservations I'm so on to this lifestyle
I put you on to it baby, Tyga Style
Just don't run from it cuz theres carpets every where we roam now
Profits for party poppin wit popular crowds
Getty images flickering, Perez Hilton
Liker her dress was ridiculous, complements of Tygas expspense
I come at dem like Pete Wentz
Don't worry its all coming back in the end

Say you want to let me go and thats gonna have to end
You can Go and getta new boyfriend
But you'll never getta better boyfriend
Love just aint our way but,
You know i don't pretend
Imma go and getta new girlfriend
Imma get myself a better girlfriend

[3rd Verse] Wait, so this is how we plan it
Benifit friends and relationships don't mix
But don't trip, cuz you i'm far over with
Long John Silver sick
And this boat no longer floats for you goldfish
Go dig another ditch cuz im dead done wit dis
Im hangin up now, My new girl shes in the front now
I know that gotta hurt
Time to answer her
Well i guess its true Stick to the player rules

[Chorus] (2x) Say you want to let me go and thats gonna have to end
You can Go and getta new boyfriend
But you'll never getta better boyfriend
Love just aint our way but,
You know i don't pretend
Imma go and getta new girlfriend
Imma get myself a better girlfriend

....*sigh* back to life....

Monday, August 11, 2008

well i am back from texas! i had the best time EVER! i got to spend everyday with my best friend shawn...saw a few ppl i havnt seen in a while...met some new ppl...ate out..shoped...BOUGHT A CAR!!!! LoL my baby..an 08 white nissan altima...oooh yes i will post some pix soon! i got back to kville today around noon...went to iowa last night to see an old friend...it was only a 30 min drive but it was good to catch up. glad we got to hang out b/c we wouldnt have if i didnt have a CAR!!!! i am so happy and blessed that i finally got one...and one that i lOVE!

well im at work...and im tired...LoL..and i have alot of work to do since i just got here. but i will catch ya up on everything that went on soon

.......until next time....


Tuesday, July 29, 2008


i have been looking for this day for the longest time...i am 1/2 way packed but most importantly all my clothes r washed and my room/whole house is clean! i just hope its that way when i make it back! i am super excited....

thats all...the only news for the day...at work now...cant wait to get off so i can go finish packing!

....until next time.....

....DuE GiOrNi....

Monday, July 28, 2008

Week 6:9

TWO MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!

i am doing good b/c i have already started packing...you have no idea how excited i am about getting to go home! i have not been home since Christmas so this has been waaaaaay past due. all i can keep thinking about are my friends and family...and the FOOD I'm going to get to eat....mmmmm i can smell it now! all the REAL Mexican food...all the REAL restaurants...i cant contain myself. i miss home and I'm sure it missed me!!!

today has been a great and beautiful day. i got to sleep in ,work out, cleaned my room...got my kitchen and bathroom cleaned...and started packing. washed some clothes...and gave a tour to some prospective students. so it was a busy day but it was good. I'm at work right now (as usual...LoL) but its not too bad. i just want tomorrow to go by super fast so i can get to go home asap!

today's workout was really hard....I'm not sure why but when i was running i just had zero energry. i got tired way too fast and Ive been doing this for a while. i wanted to run 2 miles but i ran 1 1/2 instead. i made up for the other mile by jumping on the machine...and of course rode the bike for 15 but i had to cut it to 10 b/c the REC was closing. but i did get abs done but i didn't get to lift...but its OK ill try to get it in tomorrow.

i "headed to the laundry mat" today...LoL threw away a few shirts...boxed away a few articles...i can feel a change already! LoL...although i haven't talked to ray in a few days and he hasn't updated his facebook status (and he usually does every few days) so i am starting to get a little worried. i called and left him a message so we will see...i pray he is OK...i miss him...LoL gosh i cant believe i said that out loud...

oh and Mr.man that i recently started chatting too had a history of asking me for $. i thought this time would b diff b/c he hadn't done it...but it never fails....$200....LoL do i have ATM written on my forehead? if you are broke now...and ALWAYS broke then i know u wont pay me back...so i ignored the question and just hadn't initiated convo since then...oh well...guess some ppl will never change....clearly he hasn't hence why this will b nothing more than a chat buddy....

well that is all that is in my life...might think of something new...need to scan my new drawings so i can share them :) got the artistic itch again...creating some GREAT drawing...now only if i had time to paint....maybe when i go home!!! :)

.......until next time......

.....iiiiiim BaCK......

Sunday, July 27, 2008

well the day has gone by a little bit from my entry earlier and i would have to say that i feel 89% better...i just was tired...not wanting to be at work...and i had gotten a not happy email...of course no phone call or text...and most importantly wed cant get here fast enough so i can get home!!! but i got some food in me, woke up a little bit and im good to go! oh have some more songs to share :)

Paula Deanda....Doin too Much...

I'm leaving messages and voicemails

Telling you I miss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Why you tryna diss me

When I just wanna kiss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Tell me what's the issu

eWho I give these lips to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

This is turning into

Something I ain't hip to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

See you got me all alone

Waiting right here by the phone

For you to call me,

Just to hearYour voice toneI keep on wondering if you was even

Feeling me, I keep on wondering if

This was even meant to be

Tell me imma waste of time, boy

You showing me no sign, is it cuz u on

Ya grind, cuz you're always on my mind

I keep on wondering if

everything you said was trueI

keep on wondering if you were really coming through

Now here I go again blowing you up,

And my girlfriends keep telling me

I'm doing too much

Now here I go again blowing you up,

And my girlfriends keep telling me

I'm doing too much

I'm leaving messages and voicemails

Telling you I miss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Why you tryna diss me

When I just wanna kiss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Tell me what's the issue

Who I give these lips to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

This is turning intoSomething I ain't hip to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

I'm out with my girls tryna have a good time

And you know I'm looking flytryna meet sum other guys

But it gets hard sometimes cuz thereain't no one just like you

I try my best but I can't shakethis thing u got me goingthrough

All i can picture is the colorof your eyes,

and the way umake me smile

I ain't felt this in a while,

But I came to a conclusion that this is pure illusion

Chaos and confusion but

I'm not gonna let it ruin

The way I feel about myself cuz I gotself-esteem, sometimes I

Wonder if I'm just chasing a fantasy

The way I feel about myself cuz I gotself-esteem, sometimes I

Wonder if I'm just chasing a fantasyI'm leaving messages and voicemails

Telling you I miss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Why you tryna diss me

When I just wanna kiss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Tell me what's the issue

Who I give these lips to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

This is turning into

Something I ain't hip toBaby am I doing too much (too much)

[ Baby Bash: ] Just leave ya name and number

And I'm gon holla at cha

Just leave ya name and number

And I'm gon holla at cha

Just leave ya name and number

And I'm gon holla at cha

Just leave ya name and number

And I'm gon holla at cha

Ronnie Ray all dayWomen in the hall way, Ev day

losing track of the people tryna call me

Don't take this the wrong way,

I been having long days, doingit, moving

Round the town wherever

I'mgetting my song played

Now here I go again blowing you up,

And my girlfriends keep telling me

I'm doing too much

Now here I go again blowing you up,

And my girlfriends keep telling me

I'm doing too muchI'm leaving messages and voicemails

Telling you I miss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Why you tryna diss me

When I just wanna kiss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Tell me what's the issue

Who I give these lips to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

This is turning into

Something I ain't hip toBaby am I doing too much (too much)

Boys 2 Men....4 seasons.....

I long for the warmth of days gone by

When you were mine

But now those days are memories in time

Life's empty without you by my side

My heart belongs to you

No matter what I try

When I get the courage up to love somebody new

It always falls apart 'cause they just can't compare to you

Your love won't release me

I'm bound under ball and chain

Reminiscing our love as

I watch four seasons change


In comes the winter breeze that chills the air and drifts the snow

And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe

When springtime makes its way here

Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume

When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you

Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do

When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare

When you're not here it doesn't feel the same

Remember the nights when we closed our eyes

And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time

Anytime I think about these things I shared with youI breakdown and cry 'cause I get so emotional

Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain

Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change


This loneliness has crushed my heart

Please let me love again

'Cause I need your love to comfort me and ease my pain

Or four seasons will bring the loneliness again


Remember the warmth of days gone by...

Selen....Dreaming of You....

Late at night when all the world is sleeping.

I stay up and think of you.

And I wish on a star, that somewhere you are.

Thinking of me too.

Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight.

Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight.

And there's nowhere in the world, I'd rather be.

Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me.

Wonder if you ever see me, and I.

Wonder if you know I'm there.

(am I there, am I?)If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside?

Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close but so far.

All I have are dreams of you.

So I wait for the day.

(wait for the day)And the courage to say how much, I love you.

Yes I do.

I'll be dreaming of you tonight.

Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight.

And there's nowhere in the world, I'd rather be.

Than here in my room dreaming about, you and me.

(Spanish): (Translation): Corazon. Sweetheart.

No puedo dejar de pensar en ti. I can't stop thinking of you.

Como te necesito. How I need you.

Mi amor, como t'extrano. My love, how I miss you.

~*Chorus*~ 3

Late at night when all the world is sleeping.

I stay up and think of you.

And I still can't believe.

That you came up to me, and said "I love you.";

"I love you too."

Now I'm dreaming with you, tonight.

Till tomorrow (till tomorrow).

And for all of my life.

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be.

than here in my room.

Dreaming with you endlessly....

....im TiReD....

2 words...I'm tired

i worked all weekend...i get to go home Thursday....right now I'm just emotionally and mentally exhausted...don't what to do to fix it....maybe going home will help me...but I'm not sure...I'm not sure what i need....

saw dark night last night....it was actually really good...I'm still partial to the old batman with Michael Keaton...but it was good....

*sigh*...i logged in thinking i could write something...buti have so many thoughts running thru my mind....maybe later....

.......until next time.......


Friday, July 25, 2008

open your eyes...like you open your ears... so you can open your heart....

Musiq...Previous Cats

First things first girl recognize

Who is wit you now

Second thing,

can't blame me for

How you were treated before I came see

I'm not Steven, Anthony even, Leroy or Ivan

Damn girl I've been right there for you

Since day one, so where's all this coming from

See now I'm not to blame for the pain

That was caused by previous cats, yeah

Who had your heart before me, girl no

I'm not to blame for the pain

That was caused by previous cats

You gotta see me for me

Now what is with all the questioning about

Where I've been and why must you roll your eyes

When I say she's just a friend

I knew before

Not like I call you Sabrina, Pam or Tanisha

Andrea either. Girl we go deeper

then any otherI had before so tell me why you ignore.

See now I'm not to blame for the pain
That was caused by previous cats, yeah
Who had your heart before me, girl no
I'm not to blame for the pain
That was caused by previous cats
You gotta see me for me

Now I don't know (I don't know)

What them young boys did (what them young boys did)

To make you insecure,

but I think you need to let it go(Let it go)

don't let your past get all in the way

Cause what is here today may not be guaranteed tomorrow

I'm not out of line just speaking my mind when I say that I

I put in to much time for another's brother's crimes.

See now I'm not to blame for the pain
That was caused by previous cats, yeah
Who had your heart before me, girl no
I'm not to blame for the pain
That was caused by previous cats
You gotta see me for me

so this song is the song of the day. RVS...came out with a new song...its actually really good!...but it a song wait...ill tell you what he texted me when he asked me if i understood the song:

"Ok so the first couple verses talks about how i'd do anything 4 the chick bcuz i love her. Then the 3rd verse talks about how i would do anything 4 her but i wished the feelings was mutual. The 4th verse was talking about i know she dosent feel the same but i hold onto her becuz i still love her. The last verse talks about how i have moved on since then and how i think it really sucks that she would do me like that but at the same time im still subconsciously in lover with her becuz im still writing and thinking about her"

ok after first hearing the song i really liked it but realized yet again he made a song about "her"...then i realized after he told me that, was it about her? i mean i know when i write or draw something it is brought on by an emotion or event of things that happen...so is he still caught up on her? he also said somethign later in the conversation about "being too drained to treat another girl the way he went out of his way and treated her"...hmmm....LoL is that y i get the short end of the stick? i know where we both stand on the the "relationship" status right now but c'mon some of the things that go on are just obvious....maybe we should talk about it but im afraid too...i dunno....guess im stuck...as usual....i know one thing...im ready to go home!!!!

AHAAaaahaaahHAHAHAAaaaHhHhHh......LoL...just felt like screaming thats all....at least classes are over...and at least I GET TO GO HOME! LoL...sorry i keep saying it but it has been wayyy 2 long since i have been home and i just want to see my friends and family and just relax...with no work or classes...until then i will just keep praying...keep marchin on...and keep on keepin on...LoL

................until next time..............


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

well i have done it again...i have managed to tear open old wounds...i did not mean too...and i did not cry...i only kept asking questions and trying to justify it in my mind.

yes i did the unwritten thing and wrote down my thoughts...and the worst part is i sent it to him...needless to say i did not get the reply i wanted so...again it was pointless for me to send it in the first place. i just felt justified to send him my thoughts b/c i hadnt told him and we hadnt really talked about it. i guess its god's doing and i just cant see what he is trying to do with me...or who he is trying to put in my life...

today the only thing that was set off was when i had told "someone" that i was going home the 1st instead of the 10th. the reply thats nice...so i reply...yea i was wanting to see you before i went home but i dont think i will be able to since i moved up the date...his reply..oh well im going to a town an hour and a half away from you this saturday anyway....
first thing wrong with that...he is going to this town to hang out with his phrat brothers....he was with them last weekend...and if he can make plans to go and see them then why can he not mak plans to come and see me? i have spent $ to go and see him the past few times but he cant come see me? and the last time i asked he already had plans...which is fine but when i hint at it either tell me you dont want to come at all of try to give me an estimate so im not wondering and asking about...believe me i dropped quite a few hints...and the other thing i invited him to our step show in october...his reply...ill have to see if im gonna b busy that weekend....what!?when he asked me to come to his graduation i did not say "ill have to see if im busy"...i knew he wanted me to be there so i told him yes and i made it happen...there is no excuse for that answer b/c i asked him in plenty of time...this is july...the show is in october...i feel like you can make plans for that one night that i want you to be here....
i asked him to proof read my personal statement for med school...that was 2 weeks ago....i asked him to take a survey for my class...that was 6 weeks ago....its like sometimes he shows intrest and the other time he just dosnt care...like he is too busy for me or whatever his reasoning is....oh well i guess ill never know...gotta roll with the punches right....
im just tired...i keep giving and giving but i dont get anything in return. not just with him but with other people and other situations....im just tired of it...i pray about it and i do have good days but when someone says or does something to set me off it just gets annoying...i dont let it ruin my day b/c i dont let ppl infulence me in that way, it just annoys me that i have to deal with it because honestly i dont want to have to deal with it at all....
found this on another web site...the title was....how to get over a broken heart....
(because even though i have healed...i have not completly healed... and i am starting to notice that)

1.It's okay to grieve for a time. Seek support from your friends and family as you come to terms with the changes in your life. (done that...with the help of Aubrie and Danielle and my sorority sisters...would have made it thru with out them)

2.Don't look at past relationships as failures, but rather as opportunities to learn and improve your relationship skills. (hmmmm still trying to see this side of it...)

3.Don't worry that you're not in a relationship. Your value comes from who you are, not who you're with. (wow...that is a strong statement....im def gonna have to keep this in mind)

4.You don't have to be a recluse just because you aren't a couple. Treat yourself to an evening out doing something you enjoy. Take along a friend if it's not a solo activity. (do that allll the time...can you say jager bombs! L0L...my girls know what im talkin bout)

5.Treat yourself to a special gift now and then. You are a special person and you deserve it.
There's more to life than romantic love. Take this opportunity to nurture your friends, family and self. (since i have been working alot i am def about to treat myself when i go home next week)

6.Take some time to reevaluate what you need in a relationship. Have you been choosing partners who are not capable of a loving and mature relationship? (that i really need to look at b/c latly i feel i am the only one putting more effort into it...)

7.Be willing to take another chance on love. Like they say, you can't win if you don't play.
Be a friend to yourself. If you care about yourself, the odds are better you will attract those you care about you too. (easier said than done...)

8.If you're finding it hard to let go of a relationship, you may need to seek counseling. An obsessive need to be with someone who no longer wants a relationship may be a sign of love addiction.
Avoid jumping into a rebound relationship. Take some time to work through all the issues from your previous one. (hmmm good thought...)

9.Don't try to get revenge. This will only slow your progress in healing from the hurt.
Forgive yourself. You can't change the past, but you can learn from your mistakes and not repeat them. (def have taken this rule to heart...it has helped me...)

10.Forgive your partner. This doesn't mean that you are saying what happened is okay. What it means is cutting your losses and not investing any more time in something that hurts you. (all i can say is AMEN....)

had to put this pic in....i loved it! LoL

saw this pic...it is where i am...i have mostly good days but there is that one day that the stiches leak but other than that im fine....until then ill just keep praying and wish for the best

this song instantly played in my head when i started writing this...so i had to share it...

Broken...by Seether

I wanted you to know

I love the way you laugh

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

Ikeep your photograph;

I know it serves me well

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

The worst is over now

and we can breathe again

I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away

There’s so much left to learn,

and no one left to fight

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open

And I don’t feel like I am strong enough

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open

And I don’t feel like I am strong enough

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore....

.....until next time....

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

found this...felt like filling it owt.....

I am: optamistic, greatful, gracious for all the things in my life and all the blessings that i have recived

I think: all the time...sometimes way too much that i lay in bed with so many thoughts running through my mind i cant sleep!

I know: if i want anything/need to get anything done the one person i can depend on is God...well and myself. if i work hard enough and it is meant to be than i will b blessed with it

I have: way too many things to be a 22year old....i dread moving in a year!!

I wish: that my little sister picks a good school to attend after she graduates and that i get into med school that is not too far away from her

I hate: im going to change that to i dislike (b/c hate is such a strong word!) bugs....rodents...insects....mold....clutter....excuses...arrogance...

I miss: being at home in texas....the texas sunsets....the texas starlit sky...and of course the FOOD!

I fear: being alone and failing...not accomplishing the goals i have set for myself for the future

I feel: great! a little sore from my past 2 workout...a little hungry its about time for a snack...and a little tired from working too much...

I hear: playing in my head songs whose lyrics i can relate to and i love to sing...oh and lists of things i should be doing or that i need to get done today...

I smell: the bath and bodyworks body spray that i splashed on before i came to work today

I crave: choclate....fruit...the 2 things that are standing out in my mind right now....

I search: each day to better myself and to influence other to do the same...

I wonder: everything!!! i always have a million questions

I regret: not getting to spend more time with my mother before she passed away....but if i did would that not have taught me the things and made me the person i am today...so i guess its more of a "what if" rather than a "regret"...i cant think of any regrets that i have

I love: getting a full nights sleep uninterupted....fresh fruit...working out....playing basketball....playing golf....my family/friends....cold stone icecream!....texas!!! (look at the i miss section...LoL)

I am not: open, i keep alot of things to myself or inside...

I believe: in god...what else do you need to belive in?

I dance: usually when im drunk...LoL...

I sing: alone...in the shower...or when i know no one can hear me

I cry: not that often...i hate to cry...i always feel stupid afterwerds...

I fight: everyday to try to get the most out of the day...and i fight everyday to take one step closer to getting done with school and becoming a doctor

I write: usually to just clear my head of thoughts and question i have...i usually write with the intentions that NO ONE will read it....

I win: not very many things...maybe i will get lucky and win something good one of these days....

I lose: not very many things....i try to keep up with my belongings....

I never: drink after anyone i dont know...i dont know where their mouth has been! oh and i dont touch other peoples feet either...

I always: thank god for what he has given me : what he has done, what he is doing, and what he is going to do in my life :) (got that saying from my sorority sister)

I confuse: myself ALL THE TIME....sometimes i make things way harder than they should be...

I listen: to music...to the sounds of nature...my fav sound...waves crashing on the shore or rain trickling from the sky...

I can usually be found: in the gym hoopin or workin out....in the library studying...WORKING...at home relaxing when i get the chance

I am scared: of the dark sometimes...i can scare myself when i am home alone...i am scared of being alone and not finding "that someone"...i am afraid of not being happy and not getting to do what i love as a profession

I need: guidence, patientens, persaverence, motivation

I am happy about:EVERYTHING! i currently dont have anything not to be happy about :)

I imagine:alot of different things....my future....me going home soon...what this next semester will be like....the list goes on

I am wearing: currently my scrubs and lab coat b/c i am at work! :)

Printed on the shirt is: nothing....its a plain black t-shirt :-/

I look forward to: going home soon...seeing my friends and family...PARTYIN and enjoyin the last year i have at Truman State University

no stress...no regrets...IM BLESSED!

Monday, July 21, 2008

week 8:5 of 8

the title of this blog i heard in a verse in a song that played in my ipod today...i just caught it barley when i was working out and it just stuck in my head all day.

today was a good HOOOOTTTTT day....i walked to work and didnt make it a block until i had already started sweating!

slept in unil 9:30 (since i had to go to bed late and get up earlly the past 3 days) woke up, ate breakfast, cleaned my room, grabbed lunch, went to class, went and worked out, went home for dinner, then came to work. sumone noticed ive been working out!!! it makes me so happy b/c i thought that i couldnt even tell a diff, but i guess you can...

this is the last week of classes!!!! im so excited...oh and i realized today that i worked OVER 40 hours from friday until sunday! talk about overtime! im excited b/c it puts me that much closer to gettin my car :) by the way i have been lookin online and found a few that i really like.

.................unitl next time................

dO sOmEtHiNg 2DaY tHaT u HaVe NeVeR dOnE B4

Sunday, July 20, 2008

yesterday morning...i got my usual "hello/good morning" text messages....

well from a friend i was soon asked..."so what are you going to do today that you have never done before?"...and you know when i read it i thought to myself that that is a really good question. I had to work from 6AM to 10 PM so i was not sure what all i could do with in the walls of my job that is "new" or that "i have never done before"....needless to say at the end of the night i did indeed try a twin roll from a local Chinese place. it had shrimp and cream cheese in it. i had never had it before so does that count?

i also volunteered to stay late at work because as usual the census in the hospital was waaay too high for the amount of nurses that were there. so i said i would stay (until 10) so that i could help with lights and doctors orders and anything else despite the fact that i had to be at work this morning at 6AM....so i think that will count as well....

i have found myself enjoying and trying to get more out of each day...and i would have to say that i LOVE it....i just feel so joyful and extra happy. i do walk around with a smile on my face for no reason at all...because i feel blessed to just be able to get to see a new day.

my theory about people:

I have concluded that there are two types of ppl in the world...the spectator.....

.....or the spectator entertainer.....

i am the type of person to sit back and watch people in a new setting. some people show their claws a little too early. this is where i use those first impressions to figure out who i would like to associate with or to form my own opinions about different topics that are being discussed. it is not until later when i know the people very well (and i mean well) that i do not try to be more of an "entertainer" or just joke around more freely....some entertainers...that is all they do...they are the loud ppl that claim attention when they walk into a room and are always in the middle of any action going on. now the spectators are usually quiet and keep to themselves...watch the entertainers for a good giggle. i know its a random theory...i have just been thinking about it a little the past few days and thought i would share it.....but yea....

.........until next time........

oh im back...found this really good poem by http://rirherya.blogspot.com/

love is a struggle..a struggle to find the one you loved. NOT when u finally found that one.a struggle to get that one you loved to accompany you in ur life. NOT when finally u both walk together in a way.a struggle to keep the way that u both started to ride, even facing mountain or valley.because love is a processnot a startnot an endlove doesn’t have a finish line..so don’t be afraid my bro..it doesn’t matter about the result which u’ll getthe value of love is in the process..it doesn’t matter to get the perfect onebecause the value of love is loving un-perfect sideif u feel true, if u’re sure that u’ve find that one, then come on and get her..fight and struggle..whatever the threats are.....

Friday, July 18, 2008

....Does love truly exist....?
that "out of the ball park...nothing but shooting stars...there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about you almost all day...i get butterflies...your smile makes me melt..." kinda love that is on both sides and that is everlasting?
now i know there is the type of love one shares with a friend or family...but there are even different degrees and levels to that kind of love...and even then its not truly everlasting. i have found that it is still only part time...
part time...i guess that would be the best word to use. like part time friends...they want to be cool with you "part of the time" and the other 1/2 they act differently....
well I'm going to have to say that i want to get rid of all the "part time" in my life...I'm only looking to keep the full-timers. the part time ppl are getting full time benefits (such as my wholesome friendship) but are only putting in 1/2 the effort...guess its time to "trim the fat" or as they would say in the old days..."I'm heading to the laundry mat"


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

well first off today is a B-E-A-UTIFUL day!

i woke up, went to get a shot at the doctors office...hit up payroll at work b/c they were short on my check $150 bux...went to my job shadowing....hit up the bank on my way home to deposit some funds and ask about $ that didnt show up onmy account ("computer error" they told me...good thing i still had the transaction recipt!!) went home...cleaned up...did a little spring cleaning and threw away some things that have been sitting in my closet for moths...bought some really nice kicks on ebay (yes they are pink!!!)...went and got my hair done at the beauty college (wash...dry...style 8 bucks! it was her first time doin "ethinic" hair so it was fun to see her reaction to how it didnt dry fast and how thick it was an so on...LoL priceless...) had lunch with adam an alpha from out school...made turtle cookies with my roomey...relaxed and ate...now i am at work! kinda a slow day right now but it might pick up...AND THE BEST PART...ive been in the BEEEEEST mood all day! :) smile on my face....happy tunes running thru my head....just happy! im usualy pretty percky and happy and with a smile but today it is up a few notches....LoL...

...until next time....


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

well today was a good day...i have started to get in the habit of finding at least one thing about my day that i am happy/grateful for...i do it right before i go to sleep and i reflect on the day that i had. and when i get up in the morning i just ask for the strength to make it thru the day and i express how grateful i am to have gotten to wake up to see a new day. i think it starts/ends my days so much better...

good things come to those who wait....right?

i think i am learning the true meaning for patients! with the whole car situation and with dealing with other things/people in my life...i have realized that i am having to take a deep breath...and just smile about it. once i realize there is nothing i can do to change the situation or how people are i guess it slightly puts my mind at ease. i just wish that i didn't have to do it so frequently b/c it does make me realize certain aspects about things/people that i did not realize before.

i got to talk to Aubrie last night and we almost chattered for a hour! it is sooo weird to be away from her so long. she really is a great friend and i am really excited about getting to spend my last year at Truman with her...maybe we will get lucky and get to move to the same area after we graduate...we have talked about it a few times...but who knows...we shall see!

one word.... HOME

Texas has the most beautiful sunsets and sunrises...the best stars at night...and there is no place like home...i am in dire need to get thru the summer so i can get back home and just enjoy TEXAS for a while....

wanted to share this song....had to...its stuck in my head! :)

Time....by Musiq Soulchild

[Verse 1 ] I'd like to take a minute to apologizeFor not taking advantage of youThrough all the years you've passed me byHonestly I really wanted tobe mad at you, yesFor so many hours waiting, yeahI finally know what it means to be patientAnd everything has its place, yeahAnd reason and I've learned that....

[ Chorus ] Time waits for nothingAnd everything is gonna take itstime for it to happenTime waits for nothingAnd everything is gonna take its timeTime waits for nothing and no oneCause everything has its time

[ Verse 2 ] I used to think that if I triedThen maybe I could change the things thatI regretted in my past lifeBut through all the lessonsthat you taught meI have learned my experiencesenhanced my character, yesNow as I look back with what I know nowI can say that I wouldn't change a thingCause I love who I became, yeahAnd when it's all said and doneI can only live for todayCause I've learned that...[Chours]

I used to find it hard to believeAnd almost impossible to conceive, yeahEverything I do revolves around youAnd knowing that, its kind crazy to meNow if I had a dollar for every momentThat I spent watching my days go byDoing, doing, doing nothingI probably never be penniless or hopeless.

[ Verse 3 ] So for a while now, I've kept in mindCause what they say is trueThat you are of the essenceDown to the very last secondAnd I'm so glad that I've grown toRespect you

[ Chorus 4x ]

...The anecdote of my life... - by Templates para novo blogger