...ToDaY :-/...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

well today is Saturday 01.16.10

i am at home...i am tired but i cant sleep...i am restless but i cant seem to get settled or satisfied...its just one of those days...

trying to plan out my life...and having to deal with the ppl in my life...its a balance game...

i try to hide my feelings and how i truly feels, but at the end of the day i still feel the same deep down inside. i am just ready to see the path the lord open ups for me. i am patiently waiting for the many blessings that i dont have but i can suspect will come. the hard part is waiting. until then what do i do? i lack the motivation that i use to have and that is the big problem. i cant find the drive and motivation i use to have. i dont know where it went. i just want it back. i dont know if i need to pray more or what i need to do but i need to do something to get back into my routine. i am coming to this roads end and i need to be putting myself in 5th gear but it feels like im stuck in 4th gear about to shift down to 3rd gear. i dont know what to do. im not depressed or anything i just dont want to. i just need to have a "AH HA" moment and just kick start everything. maybe it will come tomorrow...or maybe there is still a chance with today.

*sigh*....what i want is not exactly what i need and what i need isnt exactly what i want....LoL...its a tough concept but that i how i feel. but oh well. i will keep truckin...

...................until next time...............

...5 YeAr PlAn...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

well now instead of short term goals....im gonna focus on the long term things....

so with that being said here is my 5 year plan:

1. be in medical school
2. while in medical school have saved up some $ and hav invested it and is making some kind of profit while going broke at the same time (off of those school lons :-/ )
3. be in a serious relationship (yes i said it...time to settle down and get serious with someone who appreciates me, who wont cheat on me, and someone that i can love again...but until then please belive i am gonna have fun!!!! LoL )
4. have some kind of stock or equity....i need to start to build my empire right now!!!!
5. become even closer with my family,....we are working on communications but we can always improve!
6. become closer to God...i know anyone can always do a better job at their spiritual growth.
7. have a new car or have my current car paid off!!
8. be in minimal credit card debt (i have already paid off one and im about to pay off another!! things are already lookin good!)

this is just a start. it is easier to look at and abide by when it is in writing. so now that it is said...it shall be done...and im sure i will find more and more things that i can/will add to this list.

....................until next time....................

...NeW yEaR...

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

it is a new year

cant wait to see what it brings

i have already done more than i prob should have...but its def a new and diff start to the new year


guess i will have to wait and see what 2010 brings...

..............until next time..........

...ExTrA eXtRa...

Friday, December 4, 2009

well this week has been one heck of a week in the news!!

1) our fair Tiger woods was put in shame in the news...started with the car crash...led to mistresses....and women who wishe they could be....LMAO...all these stories of girls who also "had things going on" with the golf star. i swear, it never ends. But you have to just think who are the men out there doing this and not getting caught? its crazy...

2) my friend was put in the news...yes it was public record but what was the purpose of it? he has some legal issues going on and i feel that the school should not have relesed an article until after his court trials and more information was released about the case. all i have to say is the reported that wrtoe the story better watch out...there are alof of angry minorty students on campus who are looking to meet her...LoL

other than that...just living each day....trying to figure out the next...

...........until next time...........

...ThAnKsGiViNg...

Saturday, November 28, 2009

well this thanksgiving i did very well. i had to work at the hospital from 6:00 am until 2:00 pm so i took my lunch break to run home and throw the turkey in the over. so it was pretty much done when i got off of work. i made dressing, greens, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, rolls, cheesecake, yellowcake, corn, a 5 lb turkey and a 3 lbs turkey roast. it all turned out really good!! i had a few ppl over and we ate and then i had to work at the bar from 5:00 until 10:00 pm. it was nice. i was tired but it was good.

now its time for xmas. my bday is sneaking up and i want to do something fun but that prob wont happen. its the week before finals so i wont have much room to do anything exciting. but maybe i can do something fun when i get out of classes for the semester.

well at work (hospital) and i am going to try to get some real work done b/c i have to work a double shift at the bar tonight :-/

..................until next time...............

...ApPliCaTiOnS...

Friday, November 20, 2009

well i have started to spend my time filling out applications and looking for new things to do with my life for next year. so far i have looked into a few things but i have no definate offers yet. i am a little sad. a girl that i work with has applied to school and already gotten into them. but i already know why and that is something that i have to fix on my own. she didnt even want to be a doctor when she got out of school but was still offered a position. its great and i am so happy for her i just am waiting and trying to figure things out for me which sux...its ok i will one day know and when i do know and find out you will know too...LoL...

welll time to get back to the applications and essays :-/

...............until next time.............

...BiG bRoThEr...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

well for this post i would like to talk about Boss's.

the boss that i currently have at the hospital...she is a very nice person....to your face at least. God only knows the things she says when i am not around. i havt asked simple questions (well the seem simple on my part of the story) but get back nasty and rude remarks. Now one of the computers in the lab has had some problems and she left a statment saying "big brother is watcing you"...LoL

it just amazes me the things a boss can do or say. if i was a boss i want to be feared. if everyone fears you they will spend more of their time doing things right and trying not to make you mad then trying to be your friend and kiss your ass. that is what goes on here. the "full timers" have their own little circles. but sad to say they all talk just as bad about our boss (when she is not around of course) than our boss talks about them when they are not around. its a cray parallel. one that i do not like and refuse to not get mixed up in. i am not afraid to ask "why" or ask questions when i want to inquire about something. im not sure if that is intimidating or if some ppl just dont like it, but that is me and i dont care. i refuse to kiss someones ass to get something i want. i will work hard and try to get it myself. i have had to do that for years and i will not stop trying now.

good example....my hours got cut a few months ago. i asked for more. i got a rude reply saying i cant do homework or "sorority projects" on company time BUT i can play on the computer just as long as things are slow and i have no other work to do...LMAO...so you want me to screw around on the computer as opposed to do some school work? so if the CEO came in would u rather him see my head in a biology book rather than reading a gossip blog he would be happy with that? that is just a small example. i mean dont get me wrong our boss is a nice lady...but the whole boss role def has some character flaws. from what i have observed they wont change. she has been this way for years why change now? when your job is not at threat why even care? that is the attitude that i see going around.

i guess all i am asking is to be more one sided. if there is a problem ask. ok the computer is messed up. ask ppl hey did you go to a crazy web site/ if so dont do it again. no we get a threat in a memo saying "big brother is watchnig you if you have nothing to do go home..." LoL...yea i know but simple thngs such as that. not to say that i would be a better boss just trying a few suggestions to keep the break time gossip at a min...and on other ppl that dont work here. if they dont talk about lab ppl they manage to talk about someone else...LoL...i would much rather it be that way than be them talking about me.

like i said i would want to be feared....at least i will get respect, get called a bitch, but i know the work would be done and done the right way...LoL

..............until next time............

...BaRtEnDeR...

Saturday, October 31, 2009

well last night was AMAZING! it was kinda slow so i got to play bartender last night even tho it was my 3rd shift. it was alot of fun! yea i dont get to take home tips yet but this job it pretty fun. i didnt know what to expect but it was still alot of fun. LoL

i learned a fancy new trick on how to pour shots and look like a pro...and i just learned how to make different drinks in gneeral.

this job it like a double thing for me. i always wanted to try but never thought i would get the chance or have the time. and at the same time it is hard making ends meet with just the hopspital job since my hours got cut. this helpes to ensure a few extra $100 every week or so and that will help seeing as i am helping jennifer as well. but it is fun and i like it. def something different that i have never done before.

this past week has been....CRAZY! LoL yea that is all i can say. it was a good week, it was very nice. now it is time to stop slacking and get back on the grind.

well im at work (suprise suprise...LoL) so i guess ill start "working"....

.......................until next time.....................

...LiFe...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

*listening to The Fugees..."FU-GEE-LA"....

well the same ole same ole.

another week gone bay...alot of time wasted....more things done....LoL

i just cant wait to get out of here and onto the next step! it sucks being stuck in the limbo. it really does. i see all of my old friends married/engaged...one person is about to graduate with her phD! another is in there 2nd year of med school...i see all these people moving forwerd and i feel like i am stuck sometimes. i feel like i am always learning the lesson of patients. but i guess i need to focus on what the lord wants me to do for now and not just on what i want to do. that is the hardest thing to try wrap my mind around but it is true.

i got a 2nd job...finally...you know how i said i always wanted to be a bar tender....LOL...yup...prob two nights a week. the same place that erica works. i start saturday. yes i need the cash. i have to pay out the pocket (yea like alot) for tution this semester and next semester...plus the medical bills my dad has said he was paying on but is not. so i still owe alot with that. im not broke, i am just tyring to budget and stay floating. still making $, paying bills, and saving all at the same time. im big on saving...LoL...i have some $ set aside just in case but i will never be satisfied until i reach "oscillation"...LoL...

but yea i start there on saturday. i already talked to her and i get one or two days a week which is great so it should be good. make some extra cash, send money to jennifer and be good.

i am homesick but not really. i mean i really enjoy just being at home and in a familiar place and i do admit i do miss a few people. but i cant be there 2 long...LoL...i will go home for x-mas for a few days or a week but nothing to long. just long enough to go out, be seen, and leave....oh yea and go shopping!! LoL....but other than that nothing too crazy.

jennifer is good. she is not doing good in one class. she has the "truman" mentalitly ....."just as long as i pass the class i dont care"...LoL i tried to motivate her to be above that but i cant even lie i know that i have had that attitude before. and with jennifer you cant tell her anything. so i just have to let her do what she wants and hopefully it is the right thing.

well just needed to make an update.....

..............until next time...........

....PrAy...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

thats all that i seem to be doing latly.

not just for myself but other people around me who are going thru far worse things that i am right now. it is crazy just how your life can turn around in a matter of minutes. life is so unpredicatable but that is why it is called life right?

homecoming was good. went to lubbock! ha a blast...lost our show here (we went over on our time so we lost :( but the show was AMAZING) and the light did come with his brother. it was interesting. LoL. he was wasted when i finally met up with them that night and i just had to get on their level and in the right mindset and then i was good for the night. but it was a interesting weekend to say the least.

school :-/ im def getting burned out. and to think that i still have a few years ahead of me until im done :-/ LoL i just need a fresh start, a new motivation...just to get away from here and start the next chapter in my life and i will be good. i just need that newness to help my boost and to just know that i am finally almost done with what i want to achieve.

but that is all. the usual....say things diff day. living each day to try to be closer to God. taking it one step at a time.

on that note just please keep Brandon in your thoughts and prayers. he just needs it. and so does shawn. i just think these past few weeks/this month has been the month of no good for alot of people.

.................until next time.................