....LuSt...oR sUmThiNg MoRe?....

Friday, November 21, 2008

Well that has been a question on my mind the past few days...

"him" ...(who will still remain nameless...LoL gotta keep this one on the low b/c im not sure where its going yet...and i today just chilled...i took a "PJ" day (which is a day where i dont go to class...i dont do anything! i lay around and enjoy the day in my PJ's...gotta have my alone time!) it was so nice! yesterday he has an AMAZING game...im pretty sure that i was more excited about his game than he was...LoL..he got to start and he wasleading with pts! (19 pts!)

its at this point is whn i question alot of things....i honestly am happy and i enjoy the time that we do get to hang out...but like with the past things to me seem fine and then all of a sudden things just turn bad...i dont like it! and i keep gettng flash baks to "the others"...its just not good...i think whats makin so bad is the fact that iam really starting to like him but i honestly just do not want to get thrown to the side again..i honestly cant take something like that again. i really cant. but...i will just take it for what it is right now and just keep wakin up each day and hopin for the best to come of each day.

but until then...hewill still be my cowboy....LoL

school sux! i am sooooo tired of this semester...and i dont know what im gonna do with my life...which is even worse...i just dont like not knowing what i m gonna do or having a plan at all...its NO FUN...but i am working on it and hopefully i will find something out soon...

...............until next time..............

......SiGh.... :)

Friday, November 14, 2008

Well today...on a scale b/w one and 10 woould have to be a 7 or 8. Nothing exciting happened today, but i did get to wake up next to "him"...LoL we got to cuddle...might i add he did steal the covers last night leaving me cold, i just enjoy sleeping next to someone and having someone there. Im really getting use to "him" and i hate to admit it but i am starting to really like "him" too...not sure if that is in the "rules" or not but it is happeneing. i am trying my hardest to not get too emotionally attached b/c of what happend last time. i put so much into things with ray and look what happened. not to say that he will do that to me i just cant take that again. i just need a break i need something good. i need and want to be happy.

Classes such....havnt gotten into med school yet...but i am still looking at other options. i just hate the idea of me not being in med school next year. now i have to waste a year on school other than med school...but i dunno maybe it will be a good thing. right now school is hard for me b/c i am not motivated to do anything right now...LoL the semester is almost over but still...its just hard! im worn out!

we have our first bball tournament tomorrow! we have Mizzou, SIUE, and a team from illinois commin down. i am really excited! i hope that we win but i am also just excited to see how it goes.

Well im sure you already know that everyone knows, we have a BLACK president (yea this blog is late but i still have to talk aboutit). yes it is a big deal and i am just glad that i was able to witness it. i pray for him and his family saftey! but it is a great thing and the first lady is an AKA! :) the first and the finest! LoL...but yea just had to make that side note.

weeeeelll i am gonna surf the net some more and just get some stuff done..im at work and things are NICE :)

.......until next time.....

......No MoRe SoRrOw....

Sunday, November 2, 2008

well it is offical!!!! i am done...and but of couse this will be last time i wright about it...
so i look on facebook and ray is in a relationship...LMAO...ok thats fine and all so i text and ask him you know hey is there something weird with me b/c you kept telling me that you were "busy" and selfish" but clearly u were not too busy to b talkin to this girl right? he says...i lost interest...ok that is all fine and dandy than why did he not man up and tell me that shit a while ago? LoL yea...but its kool...i for sure wasnt trippin....esp after i saw what she looked like....i mean i feel better knowing that he had to "down grade"...i mean in my opinon thats whatit looks like...i guess she could hav a great personality and maybe she can offer him things i cant...but u know...no loss to me...

me and "him" hav been hanging out alot latly...i guess thats why i dont even care anymore. i mean yes this whole this is completly unexected and came out of no where, but i do enjoy it. its fun and give me something to look forwerd to everyday. not to mention we spend the night with eachother 5 out of the 7 nights out of the week...LoL nice to just have someone to keep ya warm you know....but yea...

our week of service starts tomorrow! im excited and just ready to ge tit over with!!!!! LoL

about 5 more weeks of school left! so gotta stay focused and motived to make it to the end! thats the hard part...staying motivated...but ill keep trying....we will see how it end up :)

well had a few sec to write...so i did....will be back soon!

.............until next time!..........

.....WhErE iS tHe eNd Of ThE rOaD...

Sunday, October 19, 2008

well yesterday we had a step show in bloonington, il...needless to say we lost. and yet again it was the butt of alot of problems for the week. trying to fit in practice and deal with trying to change the show was an issue. yet again disresepct was slashed out on ME...and you know i just cant take it anymore. what makes them think its ok to take their bad days outon me? maybe because im kinda the "lone ranger"...AKA is not my job 24/7...im in several other orginizations, i have a good job, and i do other things with my life that they do not do AT ALL! someone suggested jeliousy..and now i am starting to see that. We should have done the Texas show and we wouldnt have this problem like we have now....

but yea we got stopped by the cops twice (once b/c she didnt switch lanes when someone was pulled over by the police and the 2nd time b/c her light on her license plate was out...yea i know...WTF?) we left illionis at about 11....got back at 5 AM! i got us off track by 45 min b/c i didnt know i was supose to turn off onto another highway, but i fell asleep after that and i have no idea what else happened. we almost hit deer 3 times...went thru mystic fog twice...but by the grace of God we made it back safe. i got some good sleep i guess...i selpt from about 12:30 until we got to kville. and i woke up everytime she would slam on her breakand scream when deer would run into the road....but yea we will see how far it will carry me into the day

well....gotta go do some more work..then breakfast time! :)

....until next time....

....sChOoL....

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

This is me....everyday....

this picture depicts how i feel...almost everyday! LoL this damn anatomy class has me studying non stop! its not fun at all!!!!

well today was a good day

got some really good sleep last night (although me and HIM have spent the night with eachother for the past 6 nights but not last night :( i will admiti did miss havin him there but it was nice to stretch out in my bed and not have to worry about rollin over on anyone...but it is nice to have someone to snuggle up with...)

woke up...had some GOOD breakfast...even tho it was raining outside it made it pretty cold in the house. reminded me that winter time is coming soon :(

got dressed...and walked to class....classes were ok...oh and i listend to Foregn Exchange all morning. it just put a lil extra pep in my step for some reason...its nice when you find some songs that just motivate you throughout the day...


oh yea i called HIM to make sure he was awake early b/c he had a test to study for and i told him i would call and make sure he was up (b/c like me he will reset the alarm for like 30 more min or a hour...LoL...bad habit that i havnt done in a while! )

This is the first guy at Truman that i have "talked" to...and its weird but i like it. its nice to get to actually see that person and hang out...im def not use to that. all my most recent (well a majority of my relationships) have been long distance. so this is def new to me...i dunno i am starting to like him, well let me rephrase that. i already liked him, but its growing...i am somewhat holding back because i dont want to get my feelings hurt again. i mean with ray he was "too busy" for me...but was on the low with some other chick...i just dont want the same thing to happen. im tired of starting something with someone for it to end in a dead end...i have no regrets b/c you learn from every decision that you make...but i have been patient...the good lord has taught me to be patient...maybe this will turn out to be something really good for me...ill keep praying on it to see how it turns out.


ok here is the house situation...i am the only one that cleans, i am the only one who buys plastic silverwear,plates, cups or toilet paper/paper towels....erica will wake me up from my naps...she will come get my computerand not puts it back...food is going missing...the dishes never get cleaned...the list goes on...oh and one roomey hasnt paid rent or bills....and this isnt the first time...its just annoying!!! i hate it...i dunno its justnot fun at all...something needs to change or i really will go crazy!!!!


well bak to the books...took a little break to write out my thoughts...i need to do that more often...it really does help!

.....until next time....

....RiDe Em CoWbOy?... LmAo

Sunday, October 12, 2008

well...today...is a good day...well this past weekend was overall a good weekend.
despite spending time with HIM almost all weekend, it was really fun. i got to sleep in a little bit, even went to Columbia to do a lil shopping. it was just fun...HE who i originally had no interest in at all has now become my top interest almost each day. i mean its just so weird and random how things like this can just come up and bite you in your azz....LOL...well i didn't expect it at all. But i will say that i am having alot of fun and just will try to make the best out of what time we do get to spend together....

oh and i did not tell you about the step show(s)
our step show:
well the movie i tried to change and the outfit i rejected to buy oh so many times....are what cost us the trophy...LoL funny huh...just imagine...the ideas and concerns the prophyte has is what can actually help the show out....*sigh* oh well...AT LEAST ITS OVER!!!!! LoL

oh and TEXAS....yes yet again we played the alphas from tech...well i would say completely...we did not get approved...but you know my "ride or die" attitude about everything, i was down to go and do the show any way...well ALL the sororities backed out....sooo we pretty much walked away from $5000....uuuuh yea! i know....oh well....like i said before....AT LEAST ITS OVER!!!

me and britney are still weird...i mean i cant just be kool with you when u cant even attempt to try to be respectful to me...so why should i try? i know i would feel diff is it only happened once or twice...but not time after time...after time...no thanks!...fool me once, fool me twice, but never a 3rd time! (not sure if that is the right analogy...LoL)


well back to HIM...this whole situation is just so unexpected. i mean do u really ever anticipate meeting someone and actually start to like them? i mean after my bad luck streak i just never saw it to be possible, so maybe that is y i am still in awe about the situation...
but i am having fun...and he makes me laugh all the time...not to mention his eyes r amazing! LoL...oh & he has a really nice body...he is a gr8 kisser...& the list goes on...its nice 2have sum1 like that in the same city as me! most of my relationships have been long distance...so this is a nice change...

well enough with that...stay tuned

.......until next time......

....tHe LiGhT.....

Friday, October 10, 2008

well a few days ago i heard these words...." when i see these guys and then i see you, i don't even know why you give them your time...i just think you can do so much better..."

for the past few days those words have been ringing in my head...

and you know what is so bad...well good...is that after hearing that i actually think its true. i really had to lean back and look at my past. have i been lowering my standards just to have something in my life? is it better to have nothing rather than just settling for something? questions like that keep swimming in my thoughts and it makes me realize the person that i am and what i should be looking for.

good question...what am i looking for?

my track record for guys these past few years has been very eclectic with style and personalities...i mean what is my type? its like the question that was asked to Julia Roberts in "Run away bride" when she couldn't figure out how she liked to eat her eggs....well i think i am starting to figure that out...well i am trying too at least. at this point, yes i am young and a Lil goodlooking...LoL...but to be honest i don't want the random calls or texts, i want the reliability and ownership of a meaning relationship. yes i am getting "older"...but i experience so many things each day, but yet i do know have one person that i can share that with.

I'm gonna end on this quote....
Everyone walks down the road of rejection and resentment...that is when you pick up your pride, dust it off, and find something BETTER!

that is dedicated to YOU...the headliner...the beginning act...the whole show...and the after party...

i bid fair well...you can be selfish but not on my time...I'm sad it just took me this long to realize it...what was i holding on too? hopes, ambitions, what ifs? yea i think that's it...and while you were too busy not having time for me...I'm sure you made plenty of time for her....LoL..its OK...when you seem me years from now, living my dream....i wont be able to resist asking the question do you wish you were the man on my side...holding me down...most importantly living our dream off of my 6 or 7 figure salary checks? LMAO...oh well, you live, you learn, you make mistakes...but never...no regrets...from your biggest fan, to someone i cant even understand....this is to you, here is your kiss on the forehead....and my best wishes to you....

......until next time....

....WoW...

Sunday, September 28, 2008

well this is the start of the 6th week of school...and itfeels like we have been in school for 12 weeks. my classes are ok...I AM READY FOR THE STEP SHOW TO BE OVER!!!! LoL...i am ready to have my life back...the step show is this weekend so i am ready for it to be done with. it takes up so much of my time, and the thanx that i get...NOTHING


i need a vacation...somewhere away from here. i was/am seriously thinking of moving far far away when i graduate. go somewhere new....fresh start...after these past few weeks i really want to. i have no reason to stay in the midwest. i def dont have somone to stay here for....so why not. a new adventure for my life after truman.


some days i just feel so alone. i mean yea i have my roomies and aubrie and my sorority sisters...but i just get tired of tellingthem things and i know that honestly they dont understand or cant relate...

latly for some strange reason ive been thinking about douglas alot. im not sure why. and it just sux...i dont like having him on my mind. i know that i am the last person that he is thinking about. ijust want to be appreciated and have someone i can come home to. someone who isnt after me just for certain things but who honestly cares and wants to know about me. maybe one day. i keep thinking that maybe i have a curse or something...but i know that i have a history of wanting things right when i want them...and God always makes me learn the meaning of patients over again. good things come to those who wait...right? i hope so! well gonna go eat and start some homework...

......................until next time...............

....nO mOrE cOmPlAiNinG....

Sunday, September 14, 2008

well i am back and in full affect

took my MCATS yesterday...this is how i feel about it..... :-/
LoL

well i had to drive to springfield,mo to take my test b/c i yet again was a procrastinator and i signed up too late to get a seat anywhere close to my area. so i had to drive 5 hours just to take the test, not to mention get a hotel room and buy gas...ooh but i did go shopping before i left and that made me feel so much better!

on my way bad, someone (who i said iw ould not say his name anymore nor talk about...but i feel i have to b/c it is the turning point)...was in columbia. well i had to drive thru columbia to get to kirksville. so i text and asked if i could meet him somewhere to say hi and just to show him my new car and so on and so forth...he says yes...well so i get 10 miles from columbia and call...straight to voicemail...so i first get mad...yes i was mad...so i decided i need to get gas i will call when i hit the city b4 i get gas so i can decided what to do next. so i get further into town, pull into the gas station, fill up...and call again. this time it rings a few times and then goes to voicemail (which means he pressed the ignore button...we have the same phone so yea...i know the deal)...so i send him a text...no reply, so i pull out of the gas station and just head back to kirksville. ok, now if you were going to be busy or just didnt want to see me fine TELL ME...dont play games. who knows what he was doing and to be honest i dont care. he has disappointed me for the last time. and i think it finally hit that why harbor feelings for someone when the feeling is not returned? why waste my time to show interest when it is just ignored? i fell that i am a good person, with a good head on my shoulders, ad a bright future, why should i even tolerate to be treated this way? so its official...i give up. im not going to try anymore. yes there were alot of reasons why i did like him but to be honest right now its not worth it anymore. im tired of getting my feelings hurt and not being appreciated for the things that i do try to do for him. to be honest i should be trying this hard to get any man...he should be the one chasing after me. oh well guess its back to square one...and im ok with that. i would rather be alone and looking than just sitting around and waiting for no good reason. "im too fly to be depressed"...LoL

but on a lighter note classes are ok...school is just school....im still tired of certain people...i guess i will never understand some people but i guess that is just the law of the land.

ooooh we HAD a mouse...toya saw it...i called the landlord and he brought over sticky paper...and within 30 min he was caught...i was in springfield when all this was going on, but im just glad its gone! i think i saw it once a long time ago, but just the idea of it being n the house....eeeew....the landlord said its possible b/c of all the rain. we dont leave food out and most of our fresh stuff in in the fridge...so i guess that would be a good reason.

i might get to see iowa next week...LoL yes i know...but its fun to see him

well thats all i got...
.......until next time......

....wEeK 2....

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

well this is the middle of week 2 for classes...and IT SUX! i have so much homework on top of working and all the meeting i have to go to with the different orginizations im in...its just crazy!!! so far i am doin pretty good..yesterday was a bad day :-/...but i got thru it...just had a freak out about the MCATS...in which i am takin sept 13th...my last time b4 i registar for med school...*sigh*...we will just have to see what happens....took a 5 min study break..gotta get back to studyin anatomy...i have a test friday!!!!


....until next time....