...VeNtInG...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

well right now...well a majority of today i have felt very annoyed. for some reason all that i do is never good enough for some people. i wish that some people could walk a day in my shoes...THEY WOULD NOT MAKE IT....today i woke up from a great sleep...left his house, went to class...had class...was happy becasue i actually had ALL of my homework done and despite giong to be after 1 and having to get up before 7am i did not feel sleepy at all during class...went home. took a nap...showered and changed...helped him with his car...went on campus to study for my biochem quiz...took quiz...my 2:30 was called off after we got to class...helped him again with his car...went to grab dinner, sent off the BBALL stuff, went home to change, took him and his roomey to eat...came to work...

ok between all of that ALL day i have been runnig around to get the final signatures and approval for the bball tourney in illinois...b/c people want to wait until the last min to respond and then act like they want to go...but i find out today that they dont see that...i dont do ENOUGH as is for the team. it honestly wants me to not do anything anymore. the fun out of all that i do that is extra is gone now. i cant even joke around without ppl thinking there is something wrong...so i will just not say anything at all...

and as for my "sisters" i can not put in words how this year has been with us. me and britney are destined not to get along. i mean we do what we need to do, but when it comes down to it she wants to be the big D in the picture but when she says jump i refuse to say how hi...i refuse...and thatis the prob...but yet i never do enough as is...oh and forget her walking out on us...she wants back...and the other 2 runback to her like nothing happened. it is just annoying and not fun at all. it makes me miss tiffany and wynter and ash and cindy even more...i mean i honestly do not even want to be here anymore because of the past day. i just cant take it. people dont look and see what i do do, but they just focus on what they want to see and that is never enough....my attitude "fuck it" (pardon my french)...but what else can i do. i refuse to explain myself to anyone b/c i dont own them that and i have nothing to explain. fi they want to take on and do all the extra stuff that i do that they donot see then be my guest...

plus side to the past few days...his car has been messed up so i have beenhelping out by taking him to class or where ever else he needs to go. so in an essence we get to spend more time togeter. i mean i honestly felt better when i wasnt in my element of my regular routine and i could just hang out and laugh and just...enjoy the moment...but as soon as my feet hit the ground running again..it just starts all over again...

i honstly dont know what to do and it really makes me want tojust get in my car and drive away....far away...i dont know where...but it makes me want to just go somewhere....seriously i do...i just want to drive away and just get away....only problem is i have no where to go or anyone to see...so that is the only thing that really stops me. home is too far to go for just a few days...and i could go to STL or KC but they have jobs and school so i would be alone n e way...beside im on strike from going to STL still...and KC is just not fun at all...i honestly would go to chicago....i wold like that...see some people that i know...i actually know quite a few ppl there...but i will be going there next weekend to play ball..so that is pointless to go now...i guess i need to meet new friends n new places...LoL....oh well..i just want to get away...and its sad b/c yet again so early in the semester i feel this way...only diff is i am actually on top of ALL of my school work! LoL...yeai know, and ihave been keeping up with it....ill see how much longer i stay motivated...

well speaking of work im going to go do some...i just had to vent...just been a long day....if they win their game today and he is n a good mood then that will be the perfect cap to the day! wish us luck!

......................until next time...............