Such as fall has quickly approached, so has my desire to take my life to the next step.
I just found out that I will get to graduate from school this Fall. I will earn my Master's Degree in health administration.
So now what?
The business is doing good and is growing.
So I think this is the direction the Lord is leading.
But, I still like I can do more. I want to do more.
I know that a lot of things take time. And, it is the Lord who will decide when and how my life will unfold. But for those that know me, I am very impatient. I am not saying that I want things RIGHT NOW...But I would like these things soon. Sooner rather than later would be nice.
What is next? What will be next? I guess we will all have to patiently wait and see!
I feel that yes there is someone out there for me... BUT where is he?
You go through your life dating and meeting people. I am not saying that it is a waste, but how many 1st dates, 1st kisses, breakups must you have to go through until you find someone who "is in love with you"?
I have tried to take something away from each failed relationship that I have had. I feel that with each relationship I give a little more each time only to get hurt that much more each time.
So do you keep giving? Or do you hold back more and more each time? You give and give hoping that the person you are giving too will be the last. But, you give just enough only to lose yet again.
My heart is tired. My emotions are tired. My mind is tired. Most importantly I am tired.
I am tired of the bull sh*t and lies. I am tired of the deceit. I am tired of giving in only to be given up on. I am tired of the failure. I am just tired of being tired.
*sigh* oh well. Not that I dont have enough things going on to keep me occupied. I actually am enjoying the freedom. I am learning to find myself again. I feel that I lost my self when I got lost in love...
I sit here on my couch, dog laying next to me, and I wonder...where will I be a year from now?
I feel that I worry a lot about my next step. Am I doing the right things? Could I be doing more? Where will my career take me? Should I/Could I do more with my career?
I still live in a small town. Am I happy? YES! I recently purchased my first home, my business is growing, I get to travel the world. I feel like I am living the dream. BUT I WANT TO BE DOING MORE!
HOW DO I DO MORE!??
That is a question I find myself asking each day as I lay down to go to bed.
I feel that I want to do more, I could do more, but HOW!?
I want to help people. I want to change their life. BUT HOW?
I want people to realize their potential. I want people to realize their worth and work towards building a healthy and strong body physically and mentally. BUT HOW?
I constantly fight myself wondering if I am doing the right things. I am happy each day. I love working with my clients. I love being my own boss. At the end of the day, my bills are paid and I am also able to make a difference in peoples lives. And that is all that matters. That I am taken care of and so are those who I am helping. BUT I WANT TO DO MORE.
Time will tell. And this is the beginning of yet another journey.
Grab some pop corn, sit back, and relax as the chaos of my life unfolds...