Friday, January 16, 2009
in the words of : Trae Tha Truth : Tha Diary Of Tha Truth...intro track...
"...i wake in the morning.....put on my face...
the one thats gonna get me thru another day...
dosent really matter how i feel inside...
becuase life is like a game sometime..."
somedays this is exactly how i feel. i mean not in a im depressed and i hate the world and the world hates me kinda way...just in a way of what am i gonna do after this year...i mean who (if anyone) am i going to end up with?...just typical questions about my life. i wouldnt say at all the i am a depressed or depressing kinda of person. i hate to be sad, most importantly i hate when people try to bring my mood or spirits down. i always try to look for the best in any situation and i try to be happy. you enjoy the day so much more if you sit back and think how blessed you truly are. even the simple things that i have in my life, i know that there is someone or some family who has a fraction of the things that i have. i guess the things i seek for now are self fulfillment and to aspire and achieve my goals. not to mention find someone who will just capture my heart...LoL (capture my heart and fall in love are 2 diff things....like i said before does true love really exist? )
last night i asked brandon if he would be my valentine and he asked me a really good question...what is a valentine? well that is a good question...
last year i did not have one. i found myself sending things to friends and doing more for them than i did for myself...and i dont want to be like that this year. this will be year 2 of no "valentine" if brandon dosnt ask. i mean im not expecting the world...i even told him all he has to do is hug, kiss me and maybe hold my hand...LoL...knowing how much he is against that, that would be the perfect evening for me. bbbbut im not going to lie, i have had a few friends(who are seriously friend status) ask me about valentines day...i mean i could just say yes and get what i can take, but i dont want to spend heart day with any of them. i honestly would rather spend it with brandon. i mean yea we are not dating (the topic hasnt even come up, and to be honest it dosnt bother me) but ijust want more of an initiative...i hav grown fond of brandon im just not sure how he feels about me...i am terrified to ask...i really am. i think it is because of my last situation. i dont want to feel that way again...but i guess that is a risk that you take with everyone you meet and become friends with...i still want to try to avoid it...but im not sure if i will be able to b/c that question keeps running thru my mind and i am very curious to know the answer...*sigh* maybe someday soon i will work up the courage to ask...when i do you will be the first to know! LoL
....................until next time........................
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