Wednesday, August 17, 2011
well i will have to say that i survived camping!!
i had TONS of fun meeting new people and making memories with the old friends that i had there.
I learned alot not only about myself...but about the ppl i was there with
After this trip i can say that i walked away learning alot about myself.
I realized how lucky i have been to have the friends that i do have.
We are all care free....very happy and social ppl.
We don't ever get into fights/arguments (except this past weekend....*sigh* long story...LoL)
when ever we get together we know it will be a good time.
I love the friends that i have now. They have been there for me in the times that i have needed them the most and have been there in the best of times...i love all of them so much. They have been my family since i have been here in Missouri and i will be forever grateful for all the things that they have done for me.
Seeing as i have not been in a relationship in several years i am having to learn everything...well at least that is how it feels. I am having to learn how to care for someone else...put someone else's needs as a priority with mine. compromise and communication are very important...and that too is a hard thing to do.
After my friends meeting Mr. Adventure they noticed quickly that he was not like any other guy i have "dated" (and i use that word loosely because we are not officially in a relationship yet and the past guys were never really official either...)
He is very outspoken. He has a strong personality and is probably more of a leader than i am. He is not afraid to jump in and try something new and is he has a question he asks it...if there is something to be said he says it. The past guys were more reserve...i was the "big dog" in the relationship. I was usually way more opinionated and more outgoing. So this "relationship" is something totally new to me...and at the same time it is scary! (but not in a bad way)
I am use to guys allowing me to help them...somewhat spoil them in a way (like cook for them and do things for them)...but with Mr. Adventure...he is so independent he wont even let me do anything for his bday that is coming up. I will admit that i do like it. I guess i am tired of babying men and tending to their every need...but it will take some time to get use to. I am not use to a guy not needing me at all...and that is just something that will be hard to get use to.
The past week has been amazing! Alot of good things have happened (with my work...school...and research) and i have been waiting so long for these good things to happen. I am just finally waiting for the romance in my life to be focused on one man. Rejection is something i know far too well when it comes to relationships...and i just want to win just for once. I am not saying that things with Mr. Adventure are bad...i am just always left with the doubt in the back of my mind. I cant shake that feeling and i guess it wont go away until i am finally in a relationship with someone...but until that happens i will still have my moments of worry and doubt.
I don't want to rush into a relationship at all. I am very happy with the grounds that Mr. Adventure and i have. But i also don't want to worry about him just not answering my phone calls or text one day...or him telling me that "we need to talk" and him dumping me for someone else.
I guess after this past weekend i just saw the true person he is and how i accept him for him...and how much i have grown to like him and care for him. I feel that we are a very good balance for each other and we have an amazing connection (at least i think we do). i just hope that it last...and we continue to grow...and that maybe one day he will want to make me apart of his life as more than just a friend. Over the past few years i have learned to be patient. With all aspects of my life. I will be patient with him and i enjoy spending time with him and gettig to know him. Like i said i dont want to just jump into anything but eventually we will have to talk about it and see what our "relationship" means and what we both want it to be...
But until then...i will keep striving for excellence....and keep praying that things will work out for us....and work hard so i can get out of this crappy town and start my "big girl" life as a doctor :-)