Thursday, April 28, 2011

well it is 2011...April 28th to be exact...
and you would think in America...in a current culture where there is such a wide variety of racial mixing that racism and prejudice would be non existant.

BUT....it is not

growing up, i never had to deal with racist comments or people. i mean yes i was that token black girl in alot of situations growing up. but my "white" friends embraced it and so did i. coming to college...now that was the first time i actually saw it throw at me not in a joking way. i have been called the "N" word....and other black racial slurs...but it still baffles me that people have the Gaul to do so...and to my face. and to be quite honest all of these instances were from people MY AGE. not some old man who grew up with it. 

recently i got in a small altercation with someone at the bar i work at. not a customer but someone i work with. a few words were exchanged. and as i tried to ignore them and go about having a good time with my friends.  But then came the comment. and to quite honest it wasn't even a good comment that had a punch. it was a slight smirk about my race...it was said to try to get me amped up...and did it work? no...because i was already upset to start with. but just having it thrown into the conversation was not needed at all.

the thing that worried me so much about the conversation was that I was the person punished for the situation. ME...not the person who made the racial comment...not the person who picked the fight after i had walked away several times...but ME...the person who just happened to be there trying to enjoy a few drinks and some good music with my friends.

i was very upset for a while about this situation. first because it happened.  if you know me you know i am a very chill and calm person. i don't let people get to me and i take the most out of each day. the fact that i let this person get to me so bad that i lost my temper is what made me so upset. the things that i said i do not regret because they were the truth. although i did not make a racial comment to come back at this person (which i still would not have done even if i would have had the chance) the things i said i would say even if i was not upset. the other thing that made the situation worse was the fact that i was punished and i had to apologize.  that was the hard thing for me. all my friends and family said 'be the bigger person" but the thing is i had been the bigger person. that night i walked away to try to avoid the situation so many times...but it was disregarded.

so last night...after i come home from lab (and my roomie was in the kitchen cooking dinner for me :-) def a nice surprise) i talked it over with my roomie...then went up to the bar to say my sorry.  not to say sorry for the things that i said. but to say sorry for losing my temper and making a fool of myself. for losing my temper and somewhat causing a down moment in the time i was suppose to be having fun with my friends.

the conversation was so bland and fake...but "the situation" was handled and clear. and to say the least after still her smart comments during my "apology"...when i made it home i actually felt better that it was over with and i wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

it is no fun dealing with issues such as these.  i mean seriously...if this person said these things out of anger how does she really feel what she doesn't say anything to me at all? to be honest i don't care...i don't have people like that in my life for a reason. i will work with this person and maintain the "work professional" relationship...other than that...nothing else needs to be said between us.

but think twice before you say anything about someones race. joking or not....it can still hurt them

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