...PhRiDaY...

Friday, April 29, 2011

well...here in a nut shell is this past week (more so the past few days...)

This whole week has been alot about self reflection...and trying to motivate myself for things that i feel i need/want in my life. i would like to say that i am usually a pretty happy and care free person. this week has been kind of hard because i felt like i was in a rut.  i am still stuck in this small town...somedays i hate my job and some days i love it (this has been the week that i hate it...both of my jobs...LoL) i miss the heck out of my close friends that have moved away from me...and i am just needing something exciting to look forward to. something exciting to do! MORE OR LESS...SOMEONE TO MAKE ME EXCITED...

i mean yes i have a prospect but...still i am wanting a little more. hanging out once every 2 - 3 weeks is not cutting it for me...LoL
my roomie has a new lady friend which is taking up her time...all of my other friends have their significant others they get to take time to go see...and me...all i do is wake up...go to work...go to research....go home...nap...and spend the rest of the day trying to fill it with something meaningful other than flipping through HBO or the other movie channels we have.

i need something more fun....i need something more exciting....
the old Stephanie in times like these would reach out to old "flings" (so to speak and to be honest i haven't had sexual relations with all of them!) to see if there was a possible way to make some kind of meeting. but i am so done and over that. i just want one person...and although the few guys that i could make these arrangements with would guarantee an awesome time...i still just don't want to result to going back to that habit.  like the quote in the picture...i am finding ways to strengthen myself...and not looking for it in others.
although i do call my dad sometimes for that strength. i think he enjoys knowing that i sometimes need him for emotional support.  but other than that....he is the only one. i find that i pray alot in times like these...for

Strength...patients....and guidance.

so i decided to make a list of things that make ME happy...

...having my ipod on shuffle and it play awesome songs in a row...
...walking to/from work on an amazing day...
...waking up to no alarm & well rested & before 9AM (i know im old! LoL)...
...finding inspiring quotes/poem/blog post/picture...
...playing golf...
...painting...
...having a good inspiring workout...
...taking my baby (as in my car) out for a joy ride...
...planning trips home...
...talking to old friends...
...getting my paycheck and realizing i worked more than i thought...
...random yet fulfilling conversations with my dad...
...random yet hilarious text conversations with my girls...
...getting a pedicure...
...doing yoga...
...cooking...
...pigging out! (ill be honest i eat pretty healthy all the time...some days i slip up! LoL)...

and to be honest the list can go on and on...these are just things that  came off the top of my head.
but i will try to occupy my time more so doing these things...instead of giving myself the chance to get caught up in the fact that i am not doing 100% what i would like to be doing right now...but i do need to put in some work to get there. also i haven't worked out in almost 2 weeks and i am starting to notice when i do that i get tense and a little batty...so yea def gonna work that into my daily schedule as well.

today is Friday and i am feeling great...like my old self...and i love it. def have alot of planning to do so i can find ways to keep buys (other than working). A doctor said he notices that i am in the hospital more than he is...LoL...guess i am paying my dues before i make it to the Dr. McGrew Status... :-)

...RaCiSm...

Thursday, April 28, 2011

well it is 2011...April 28th to be exact...
and you would think in America...in a current culture where there is such a wide variety of racial mixing that racism and prejudice would be non existant.

BUT....it is not

growing up, i never had to deal with racist comments or people. i mean yes i was that token black girl in alot of situations growing up. but my "white" friends embraced it and so did i. coming to college...now that was the first time i actually saw it throw at me not in a joking way. i have been called the "N" word....and other black racial slurs...but it still baffles me that people have the Gaul to do so...and to my face. and to be quite honest all of these instances were from people MY AGE. not some old man who grew up with it. 

recently i got in a small altercation with someone at the bar i work at. not a customer but someone i work with. a few words were exchanged. and as i tried to ignore them and go about having a good time with my friends.  But then came the comment. and to quite honest it wasn't even a good comment that had a punch. it was a slight smirk about my race...it was said to try to get me amped up...and did it work? no...because i was already upset to start with. but just having it thrown into the conversation was not needed at all.

the thing that worried me so much about the conversation was that I was the person punished for the situation. ME...not the person who made the racial comment...not the person who picked the fight after i had walked away several times...but ME...the person who just happened to be there trying to enjoy a few drinks and some good music with my friends.

i was very upset for a while about this situation. first because it happened.  if you know me you know i am a very chill and calm person. i don't let people get to me and i take the most out of each day. the fact that i let this person get to me so bad that i lost my temper is what made me so upset. the things that i said i do not regret because they were the truth. although i did not make a racial comment to come back at this person (which i still would not have done even if i would have had the chance) the things i said i would say even if i was not upset. the other thing that made the situation worse was the fact that i was punished and i had to apologize.  that was the hard thing for me. all my friends and family said 'be the bigger person" but the thing is i had been the bigger person. that night i walked away to try to avoid the situation so many times...but it was disregarded.

so last night...after i come home from lab (and my roomie was in the kitchen cooking dinner for me :-) def a nice surprise) i talked it over with my roomie...then went up to the bar to say my sorry.  not to say sorry for the things that i said. but to say sorry for losing my temper and making a fool of myself. for losing my temper and somewhat causing a down moment in the time i was suppose to be having fun with my friends.

the conversation was so bland and fake...but "the situation" was handled and clear. and to say the least after still her smart comments during my "apology"...when i made it home i actually felt better that it was over with and i wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

it is no fun dealing with issues such as these.  i mean seriously...if this person said these things out of anger how does she really feel what she doesn't say anything to me at all? to be honest i don't care...i don't have people like that in my life for a reason. i will work with this person and maintain the "work professional" relationship...other than that...nothing else needs to be said between us.

but think twice before you say anything about someones race. joking or not....it can still hurt them

...*sIgH* WeLcOmE 2 wEdNeSdAy...

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

well today is my Monday (as far as working goes).
i had Monday and Tuesday off...so this morning i was up at 4 AM to be at work at 4:30...
needless to say i am not excited about today being Wednesday...

Something that needs to be talked about...car care!
i was/am completely oblivious to things when it comes to my car.
i mean yes i know to put gas in it...get an oil change when the sticker on my windshield tells me...check my tires for the right amount of air...and if the check engine light comes on take it in to get fixed.
the things you don't even think about...getting new windshield wiper blades...how to change your head/tail lights...buying new tires....getting those tires rotated...getting your fluids and filters changed...not to mention a whole list of other things i know i am forgetting.

granted i got my car brand new...but still there is ALOT that goes into taking care of a car.

this is such an issue because yesterday i had to buy new tires. this decision to buy new tires came a few weeks back when my car was not driving the way it should. when i would go a certain speed the car was shaking really bad. so i take it in to get looked at (and to get the oil changed). they inform me i need new tires. now my car only had 22K miles on it...and i bought it in '08...why would i need new tires!?!? well that is what both me and my dad thought...but since he is not in Missouri to look at these kinda of things and take care of them i was left with the job of doing it. researching...calling around for quotes...looking for the best deals. and finally (4 weeks later and after working several big $ nights at the bar) i was able to actually purchase my new tires. To my surprise Wal-Mart has the best deal on tires! you get a warranty that helps if our tire blows out. you get the tire fixed...and it gets free rotations/balances for the life of that tire. and this is honored at ANY Wal-Mart (yea there are Wal-Marts EVERYWHERE). so i had to go with them. i am all about giving my $ to the small businesses around this town, but NONE of them were as helpful as the guys at Wal-Mart. They even printed off a sheet with all the information and other tire options for me. and the guy that helped me broke down every detail and walked me through everything before i made my choice. that was by far the best customer service i have ever gotten at Wal-Mart.

But on a lighter note...that is why i need to find a boyfriend so that i can just hand him my keys and credit card and have him go fix it...LoL...but i will say it was fun trying to figure everything out. i did get some small sense of gratification knowing that i did this task alone. i def feel good about my decision.

not to mention i got a new policy for renters insurance! yup. yesterday was a big spending day for me. the past few years we have had some BAD storms in the area. i have had renters insurance in the past i just let my policy expire and with all the recent havoc mother nature is causing i thought it was a good time to go ahead and get the new policy before it was too late...LoL

but today is Wednesday...a new day...a new work week...
God only knows what will be thrown at me this week...but i am ready!

...RoLlInG iN tHe DeEp...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

the song of the day:

Adele -Rolling in the Deep -

There's a fire starting in my heart,


Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark,



Finally, I can see you crystal clear,

Go ahead and sell me out and a I'll lay your ship bare,

See how I'll leave with every piece of you,

Don't underestimate the things that I will do,



There's a fire starting in my heart,

Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark,



The scars of your love remind me of us,

They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,

I can't help feeling,



We could have had it all,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

Rolling in the deep,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

You had my heart inside of your hand,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

And you played it to the beat,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),



Baby, I have no story to be told,

But I've heard one on you and I'm gonna make your head burn,

Think of me in the depths of your despair,

Make a home down there as mine sure won't be shared,



The scars of your love remind me of us,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

I can't help feeling,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),



We could have had it all,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

Rolling in the deep,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

You had my heart inside of your hands,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

And you played it to the beat,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),



Could have had it all,

Rolling in the deep,

You had my heart inside of your hands,

But you played it with a beating,



Throw your soul through every open door,


Count your blessings to find what you look for,


Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,


You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown,



(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

We could have had it all,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

We could have had it all,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

It all, it all, it all,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),



We could have had it all,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

Rolling in the deep,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

You had my heart inside of your hands,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

And you played it to the beat,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),



Could have had it all,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

Rolling in the deep,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

You had my heart inside of your hands,



But you played it,

You played it,

You played it,

You played it to the beat.

...SaTuRdAy...

Saturday, April 23, 2011

well i have decided (yet again) to do a little spring cleaning.
bought some totes and boxes and other containers from wally world to get more organized (not that I'm not already pretty nice and neat). i just accumulated a box of "stuff" that i decided to go through today while i was working (yes i thought i would kill two birds with one stone! why not get paid to get my life in order! that's called multi tasking! LoL)

well item number one that i found...the ONLY baby picture of myself that i have:

i used this picture with my high school graduation stuff. and to this day it is the ONLY baby picture of myself that i currently have. during the selling of my moms house and the packing/storing of all of the things that were in the house, the box of children's stuff that was mine (i was in Missouri and had no way to get to Texas to get it  :-/ ) was stashed in someones garage or storage place. since that time i have been home 4 times...each time i have made a HUGE effort to try and get those items...and as you can tell i have been unsuccessful at it so far. a relative has it (a relative that i do not think too highly of...) and after begging and pleading i still have not gotten it. so i am unsure of what to do next...other than bust down the door myself and take back what is mine...

also in this box i found these...

these are old letters from past "loves"...boyfriends...or what ever else you would like to call them.

in this pile of over 50 articles of paper, letters, cards, flower cards, post cards, etc...there are years of memories. i could not help but get caught up in the moment while rummaging through these.

the ex-love of my life...the "official Ex" (we will call him Mr. Puerto Rico because he was puerto rican...and very caliente!!! LoL) there was a good number of letters, cards, and flower cards from him. he was in boot camp at one point so i got a letter like clock work almost everyday. he to this day is the only guy that has really gotten me flowers...and yes i still had all the notes he sent with the flowers he would send me. *sigh* oh to be in love...maybe it will happen again someday.

Mr. San Antonio (major guy #2 in my life...but never wanted the commitment...)
is the winner with about 3/5ths of the letters in my hand. he would send me letters from when he was bored at work...when he was bored at home...he would send me letters ALL THE TIME. i mean yes it was nice to get the surprise letters in the mail and yes we did talk everyday. ok ok i am guilty i did start to look through some of these and it started to make me angry about him all over again. then i took a second...took a breath and realized once again why i had to cut him off. he was filling me full of false hopes. he was one of those guys that was a "stunter" always had the best things or tried to appear that he did...and would always say "if you ever need anything i am here"....but the ONE time i actually swallowed my pride and asked i got a list full of excuses...not to mention i found out he was dating someone else during our "courtship"...oh did i mention to this day he still texts me (usually drunk) saying how he misses me and still loves me...and i always reply "oh really...how would your girlfriend (that he currently lives with) feel about what is being said in this conversation...and that is usually the end of the conversation...

and last but not least Mr. BFF (i met this guy when i graduated from High school right before i moved to Missouri right after breaking up with my first boyfriend ever and right before dating Mr. Puerto Rico) we are what i could say BFF's...LoL. we are ALWAYS asking each other for advice...from family...work,...school...even relationships. He cheated on me...it was messy...but all in all we realized that we made awesome friends. so needless to say we still keep in touch today and i like having that neutral person in life that i know i don't have to expect ANYTHING from. well the letters i got from him were from when he had to go to jail for sometime. to this day i still haven't gotten the full story as to why he was in jail...but i was a friend and was there before, during, and after.

now i do have random letters/cards from other guys that i had met during times such as my bday, holidays, or other random holidays. but none as significant as things sent by the 3 guys i just talked about. Now that i have gone through the box and know what i have do i keep them or get rid of them? i mean looking at them makes me sick right now but at the same time it is hard to let go of them because of the memories that have been put into them. i am thinking one a girls night out we may burn them...or i may keep them until my Mr. Big sweeps me up and we start making memories of our own to put in this box....

looking through this back and back on my memories and thoughts of these guys...yes it made me sad for just one moment...but it also made me glad. if i had not met these guys and go through what i did i would not be the person i am today. and i LOVE the person i am today and LOVE where i am in life. so even though i had to go trough the bad some good did come of it.

i also found the last bday card my mom got me...that one hit me like a ton of bricks...got a little teary eyed...but then i couldn't help but smile...i am blessed....i am truly blessed...my Mr. Big is out there...just waiting on him to take me off the market :-)

...ThE "eX"...

Sunday, April 17, 2011

After a long week filled with work last night some Alphas from Mizzou were having their 45th chapter bday celebration.  all week i have been getting text messages and invites to the event on Saturday. well it wasn't until i woke up sat. morning that i decided to go ahead and make the 90 mile trip to Columbia after i got off of work to hang out with the chapter and show some support.  I knew that i was going to get to see some guys that i hadn't seen since i became an AKA back in Fall '05. so that was the real motivation that made me want to make the trip.

well what i also put into consideration was that i was going to see this guy (i will refer to him as "Mr. Beats"...he raps/produces music...*sigh* yea i know...and he is the reason i will never try rappers/producers ever again....LoL)

Mr. Beats and i "dated" for several months...
...we would equally make the commute back and forth to see each other....
...as usual i thought things were going good. i really liked him and it seemed as if he liked me...
but i was wrong...
after trying to attempt to make sense of "our relationship" (putting a title on it or trying to just let go) he decided i was not what he wanted. but he wanted to choose another girl i guess he had been "dating" at the same time?

now i was slightly upset by this...and like with most girls who get dumped for another girl i tried to find reasons that he would pick this other girl over me. was it that she was taller? better looking? smarter? funnier? these kind of questions ran through my mind for weeks until he finally ran his course in my mind and i simply moved on and tried to forget what we had.

well needless to say i knew that they had broken up, and some how we still managed to keep in touch over the past few years.
well of course i knew that the possibility of me seeing him was high so naturally (as the women that was dumped) i wanted to look GOOD. Kind of like a "you can look but def not touch" kind of situation.

so after getting off of work semi-early i hit the road and make it to the party around 11pm. after battling the crowd of undergraduate students, i managed to find the Alpha's and they rushed me to the front of the line and into the section where all the alphas were hanging out. As soon as i hit the door i was welcomed with hugs, smiles and laughs. i got to see some guys that i hadn't seen in years and to get that kind of greeting made me feel like a celebrity! LoL the whole night at the party i couldn't walk more than 10 feet without getting yelled at and embraced by someone that i knew. all in all it was a good party (despite the awful music, 1/2 dressed drunk undergrad girls, and young boys oogling my goodies...and yes i was looking smokin hott in my new dress and heels!)

after security pushed everyone out the door...Mr. Beats i guess decided he wanted to "walk me to my car"...um yea...oh not to mention open my door and shout out the directions to the after party several times. so it was clear that i had made the impression i had wanted to. Finding My sorority sister we made our way to the after party and there i spent the night chatting and thinking of the "old times" with a lot of the guys i hadn't seen in a while. all in all it was an amazing night. around 3am people were starting to leave and i was left with the decision to stay in Columbia and hustle up a place to stay or just head back home. after battling it in my mind...i decided to just make the hour drive back home. better to make is home and sleep in in my own bed. didn't want to put myself in a bad situation...didn't want to mess up anything that i already had going on.

but the moral of this story is that i got to see so many people i haven't seen in forever. its crazy how time flies. i loved college. the only bad part is that people grow up and move far far away. but times like these make it worth the trip to see some old friends.  It def makes me feel old and all grown up but i can look back on my life right now and be happy at what i have done and achieved thus far...i look forward to the next 5...10...15 years of my life and welcome every challenge the Lord throws at me with open arms.

so needless to say, that was prob. my last Phrat party for a looooong time...and it was def the best i have been to in a looooong time. And you know that i will never pass up the momen to get all "gussied" up for a night on the town. Because i will def be honest...i KNOW that i was one of the best dressed women at that party and the after party! no one could touch the fierce dress/jacket combo and my black heels not to mention my BCBG cluch bag. i would like to consider myself the "african american" version of Carrie Bradshaw (from Sex in the City)...just a simple girl...living a simple life...trying to find one man to love while trying to look good while doing all of that...not to mention keep a nice collection of sylish shoes...LoL

So for one night i felt like a celebrity! ppl crowding around to chat and laugh and have a good time. having someone yell out my name every few minutes. remembering the good ole times of when "we were young" (not that any of us are very old at all). it was a great feeling and i am so happy i was able to enjoy the moment.

...ThE qUeStIoN...

Thursday, April 14, 2011

black and white....ebony and ivory....do they really actually go together?

well over the past few weeks i have gotten into many different discussions with friends about relationships...and what people are/are not attracted to....

i have a friend who currently keeps dating black guys. as a white female her family is "OK" with the idea but want her to "try to find" someone of her race...

and then there is me...my first serious relationship was with someone who was puerto rican...my very first boyfriend was a white country boy...and since then i have been single and have managed to date black and white guys from different sides of the spectrum...

but, as it may seem...sometimes i feel as if i will end up with someone not in my race...

there is nothing at all wrong with that. all of my married brothers are married to women not in their race. my family brought me up teaching me to look at the person for who they are...not what color of skin they have.  and i have even had several conversations with my father about "the guys i date".  he doesn't have a problem with their skin...only with how they treat me (which is a great thing to say dad :-) )

i don't attribute these feeling because i "want a white guy over a black guy" i attribute it to the people that are put into my life...and lets be honest...i currently live in rural Missouri and there are not too many black guys to choose from...and believe me the ones that i have met are more worried about the booty than the commitment (hence why i am still single...LoL)...

i know that recently i have been dating alot of white guys. now im not saying that it is a preference...it just happens to be the type of people that hit on me and take me on dates.  i am very open to hanging out with any guy who has the balls to ask me for my number (and i actually give them my real number...yes i do give out a fake when the time calls for it).  But i know i have been made fun of by my peers for the "type of guys" (meaning white guys) that i have been "dating". 

i have no problem at all enjoying the idea of getting involved and serious with someone of a different race. the problem is are they able to handle it? will their families be ok with it? i know that there was one guy who's mom was NOT HAPPY about him "getting involved with my kind"...but what is my kind? i mean i know i don't look nor do i act like the stereotype of the "ghetto black girl"...i don't have weave, and i talk loud and rude...i am educated...speak proper (yes another thing i was made fun of as i grew up) and i am very cultured.  I thought dating was hard enough but throw in this kind of situation and no wonder i feel like i just want to give up all together. 

i know that some of my friends chose "Love" over their "Life" and "career"...well i def. chose my career and i don't regret it at all. i guess i am just waiting to be taken off of the market finally...and by any one of any race.

with talking with my friends about this racial dating barrier...i had made a comment that i got alot of mixed feelings about. in MY dating experience the past few years...I have had the most trouble and most awful experiences with black guys when it came to relationships...and the white guys were not as troublesome but were easy "situations" to deal with.  my friend made a good point and said that i cant blame that on the color of their skin...i am blaming it on the fact that they are guys and guys just do stupid things...LoL...i couldn't agree with her more.

so no matter the race, ethnic origin, religion (well that does play a role in who i want to date), or color of their skin...don't just choose one. because if you do...you may be choosing to miss out on someone great.

....until next time....

...TuEsDaY...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

first i would like to say...HAPPY HUMP DAY!! LoL found this pic and thought i had to share...LoL

yesterday i came to realize that my favorite part of the week...is waking up on tue. morning.
it is after i have had monday some what off (i work the afternoon shift at the bar which isnt very hard or busy...but i still have to work :-/ ) but i am off from the hospital.
and waking up tue. morning i realize that i have ALL DAY to just do what i want. anything because it is my only day during the week that i have off. hence why i love that moment waking up on tue morning :-)

this week has been kinda bland. not many exciting things went on...
just an average week. but i am still holding onto the moment to get excited about my next date...which will hopefully be soon. I was suppose to have a date yesterday night...but due to family situations...that date was moved. i am not too upset about it...not upset at all. family comes first and i know that sometimes dealing with your family can take alot out of you...but i do hope that the family doesnt such so much energry out that a new date wont be set...now that is when i will get upset.

well if you didnt know this about me i LOVE the chance at finding new songs that i can add to my collection...esp if it is something diff. and something i dont listen to alot of. so this morning while doing my morning rounds with the patients at the hospital a lady had the channel on the country music video station (yes lets be real i like alot of diff music but i def dont keep my tv on the country station...LoL)
a song came on and it just stuck in my head for the next hour while i was working witht he rest of my patients. so of course i had to share it :-)

listen to it...maybe you will like it...maybe you wont..but it is a song i def will get on my ipod!



Without You...Keith Urban

I’ve loved you since the very first day
When I caught you looking my way
A smile and just knew it.
Aint open to you came along, no one ever my song,
Now its climbing with a bullet.

Its nice to have someone, so honestly devoted,
That when it’s said and done, girl I hope you know that,

The travelling, the singing, it don’t mean nothing without you
The fast cars, the guitars, they are all just second to,
This life, this love that you and I have been dreaming of, for so long
It’d all be as good as gone, without you.

Oh ho, without you, hey...

Along comes a baby girl, and a suddenly my little world,
Just got a whole lot bigger, yes it did.
And people that I barely knew, love me ‘cos I’m part of you
Man I start to figure
How two souls can be, miles from one another
But still you and me, have somehow found each other.
The travelling, the singing, it don’t mean nothing without you
The fast cars, the guitars, they are all just second to,
This life, this love that you and I have been dreaming of, for so long
It’d all be as good as gone, without you.

Without you, ohhhh ho ho
Without you I’d survive, but I’d have to have a notion
That I could live this life, just going through the motions
The travelling, the singing, it don’t mean nothing without you
The fast cars, the guitars, they are all just second to,
This life, this love that you and I have been building up so high
It’s never gonna touch the sky, without you.

Mmmm, without you
Without you, baby, baby, baby without you
Without you.

...ThE sToRy...

Saturday, April 9, 2011

well recently i have been looking at alot of different blogs and it hit me...
there are ALOT of single gals in america! LoL

alot of the blogs i have come across are of women (who seem to have their lives together) and are all on the journey to finding "the One".
and it is a sigh of relief to read their tales and stories of disaters with encounters with men. awful dates and just bad situations all together...im glad im not the only one who has been having trouble!

but then it made me think...
latly i have been speaking more of the guy...who he is...what he is..instead of the story...the journey behind it.

the fact that things guys SHOULD do but they dont...or what happens when you find that guy who does happen to do those things and how awesome if feels but scary at the same time!

after being around guys who you wish you could just punch in the face (just trying to be blunt...LoL)
and when you meet someone who actually makes you smile...it makes you look around to see when/if ashton is gonna jump out of that "punked" van.

Things that someone would do that are sure signs that they are totally into you...
...but your still afraid because this has happend in the past but you got played big time...

its just so hard to tell...and i know that im a worry wart...and i def overthing every situation...but i cant help it.

things guys should do....
...1...call/text....pref. at random. def a good way to put a smile on someones face

...2..."goodmornings"...yes i am a huge sucker for the goodmorning/goodnight text...

...3...thank a girl for hanging out with you...def have not had that happen by too many guys...def bonus points

...4...dont act shady in public...big deal to me!!! there have been so many guys i have "dated" and yea its all kool when we are at home cuddling but if we are in public its like they keep a 3ft distance rule...yea def not ok.

...5...ask her on a REAL date before you try to get in her pants. like dinner...and its also a good idea to go on several dates actually....this rule should be a given...LoL

dating...is a game that is ard to play...the rules are def different for everyone...and you almost always have to keep starting over with "new players"...sometimes the game is fun and sometimes the game is not...the key to to the game is figuring out how to win...and that is most def. the hardest part...

...ThE bLaCk KeYs...

well thank you grooveshark...you have done it again...
i would like to introduce yet another band i have found via Grooveshark that i am in LOVE with

...The Black Keys...

well me being nosy finally pays off.
on grooveshark you can browse other memebers music playlist...
well i make it a goal to try to listen to something different/random from someones playlist.
and i found these guys.
it has an awesome blues/rock sound. and his raspy voice that goes perfect with the sound
i suggest you take a listen...they have so many different songs. i would be suprised if there wasnt at least one song that would appeal to everyone

today is a normal work day...a normal Friday....but TGIF because it has been a LONG week

there is a lady in the hospital and i drew her blood both today and yesterday. the significat thing about this lady is that she has been singing non stop. from the second that i met her today she was still singing. doctors and nurses were working around her, and yet she kept the slight smerk on her face and kept singing her song...and the funny thing is when she came to the part of the song she did not know the words she would hummm so lightly to the toon. to be wrapped in that kind of moment for possibly the rest of her life is that a blessing? to be in eternal bliss and to be forever happy in what evere moment she is thinking of or singing about? i could not help but smile and literally stop and listen to her song. i got caught up in her moment of life for just a few min and i will say it was quite refreshing from the hustle and bustle of the busy work day. 

so when the world turns away from you or you are just having one of those days...think back to a happy moment...with an amazing song...and just start singing...so what if people look at you weird or crazy...at least you will be in a much better place and who knows you may touch or inspire someone else...

...PrEaCh...

Friday, April 1, 2011

well this author has done it again...

i mean i have honestly never lived to read something that someone has ..or is suppose to right.
this lady speaks exactly whatmy thoughts and feelings are but words them way better than i ever could.
i guess its because im at a  werid point in my life...a huge trial and error...and the entries she post speak to me.

apart of todays post....

"Rather – it is something we do constantly, time after time, man after man. We convince ourselves he will be different. That it will be easy and just as we imagined. He will do those things we always wanted him to do. He will surprise us. He will love us unconditionally, if such a love is reasonable. We fool ourselves into falling in love again. And again. We accept the burden it carries when it doesn’t work out as anticipated and we bow to our audience, to the fates who tricked us again, and we go backstage to prepare for the next show.







For the next brave attempt at the foolish ways of love. "

the website it...
http://loveaddictnyc.com/

todays post is about falling in love...or being a fool to love.
and arnt we all. i mean we each seach and yearn for "the one" or that "mr. perfect" only to strike out time after time...after time...and to only fall burden to wasting out time with men who dont deserve it or appreciate what we do have to offer. ok i stand corrected...its not a waste of time as i have learbed valuable things from each guy i have met and "gotten to know" to different extents. but ultimalty i find myself trying to look for the best in that person which blinds me to reality.

i know that i have been so caught up in trying to please a guy or impress him to get him to stay...but not anymore. i guess deep down i wasnt happy with some aspects of my life...but i think i am finally starting to learn the balance. hopefully...LoL

on a side note....
TGIF!

not a big weekend planned...
think pink week is upon us and the usual festivaties or going on.
i am sooo happy to be alumni. no more planning...i just show up and support! LoL

well off to be more productive than i have been the past few days...LoL