...DrIvEn...

Friday, August 27, 2010

Driven...by Incubus

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear


And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear

Take the wheel and steer

It's driven me before

And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal

But lately I'm beginning to find that I

Should be the one behind the wheel



Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

With open arms and open eyes yeah



Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

I'll be there



So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive

Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?

It's driven me before

And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around

But lately I'm beginning to find that

When I drive myself my light is found



Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

With open arms and open eyes yeah



Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

I'll be there



Would you choose water over wine

Hold the wheel and drive



Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

With open arms and open eyes yeah



Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

I'll be there

 
 
the past few days have def. bee a emotional roller coster. no i havnt cried or broken down
but i def have prayed alot...
just with the whole classes thing and trying to get them figured out...
trying to make sure i will get financial aid (since i have 2 many credit hours... :-/  )
what to try to work towards in general right now...
the whole job(s) thing...
just trying to figure things out as far as making sure i get things taken care of finacially
i mean i am fine right now, but when you are use to making so much and being able to actually save and work towards a goal...to have the limited sux. i just had alot of financial goals i wanted to work towrds.
but it will be ok.
i will continue to pray
and in the end things will work out.
 
i feel like at times my job seriously abuses me
i am like their little puppet.
they take me out and use me when they need me, then shove me in the closet until they need me again
i wont say that it is everyone who does this
it is just my boss
she just isnt fair and dosnt really justify her actions very well
and i know there is nothing i can do about it b/c she is the boss
but at the same time i dont deserve to keep gettin run over either.
its just not fair.
this is the absolute last time this will happen...
the next time it happens i will either go over her hear or just quit
i mean dont get me wrong i love my job and i am blessed to have it...
ok...ok..i prob wont quit but i have no problem going over her head to get some answers from the ADMIN office...
but we will see....
....like i said...
i will pray...and be patient...
i think i am getting good at praying and being patient...i have had to do it alot latly....LoL
 
 

...DeUcEs...

Thursday, August 26, 2010

ok so i have had this song stuck in my head for the past week!!! it just wont go away. its an amazing song, the beat is just soooo sick.... yea it def sparks some past experiences in my mind...so hopefully if i share it, it will finally leave my thoughts...LoL

Chris Brown - Deuces Lyrics ft. Tyga and Kevin McCall




All that bullshit is for the birds

You ain’t nothin but a vulture

Always hopin for the worst

Waiting for me to fuck up

You’ll regret the day when I find another girl, yeah

Who knows just what I need, she knows just what I mean

When I tell her keep it drama free

Ohohoh… x2

I told you that i’m leaving (deuces)

I know you mad but so what?

I wish you best of luck

And now im bout to throw them deuces up



[Chorus]

I’m on some new shit

I’m chuckin my deuces up to her

I’m moving on to something better, better, better

No more tryin to make it work

You made me wanna say bye bye, say bye bye, say bye bye to her [x2]



[Tyga Verse]

Uh, Use to be valentines

Together all the time

Thought it was true love, but you know women lie

Its like I sent my love with a text two times

Call cause I care but I ain’t get no reply

Tryna see eye to eye but its like we both blind

Fuck it lets hit the club, i rarely sip but pour me some

Cause when its all said and done,

I ain’t gon be the one that she can always run to

I hate liars, fuck love I’m tired of tryin

My heart big but it beat quiet

I don’t never feel like we vibin

Cause every time we alone its a awkward silence

So leave your keys on the kitchen counter

And gimme back that ruby ring with the big diamond

Shit is over, whatchu trippin for ?

I don’t wanna have to let you go

But baby I think its better if I let you know



[Chorus]

I’m on some new shit

I’m chuckin my deuces up to her

I’m moving on to something better, better, better

No more tryin to make it work

You made me wanna say bye bye, say bye bye, say bye bye to her [x2]



[K Mc verse]

Look, my shorty always on some bullshit like Chicago

So I flip that middle finger and the index finger follow

Deuces, we ain’t got no future in tomorrow

I’m a dick, so it shouldn’t be that hard to swallow

The other chick I’m with never complain

She make wanna leave the one i’m with Usher Raymond

Probably didn’t register, don’t trip, later on it will

Shorty full of drama like gangsta grizzles

I finally noticed it, it finally hit me

Like Tina did Ike in the limo, it finally hit me

I got a new chick, and she ain’t you

She Paula Patton thick She give me déjà vu

And all that attitude, I don’t care bout it

But all that shit I do for her, you gon hear bout it

Breezy rep two up, two down

But i’m just puttin two up, chuckin up the deuce now



[Chorus]

I’m on some new shit

I’m chuckin my deuces up to her

I’m moving on to something better, better, better

No more tryin to make it work

You made me wanna say bye bye, say bye bye, say bye bye to her [x2]

 
 

...OpPoSiTeS aTtRaCt...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

well...all that is on my mind is exactly what the title of this blog says....opposites attract

it is so crazy how two completly different people from two different backgrounds can just come together and make something that just feels soooo good....

i mean i hope that it is good....
i def know its not the loneliness....
it is just hard to explain...
i honestly am still trying to unwind my thoughts and figure it out myself...

but for now, i will keep a smile on my face and just enjoy this newness...and finally enjoy being happy

...SeX...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

SeX...
a three letter word....
so much in a word....
so many thoughts....
so many emotions....
so many actions....

linked to some negative and positive thoughts....
but why is it so important to some people?
why does it consume more than half of their day?
why does it consume half of their thoughts?
why does it consume half of their actions?

on my journey to find...."tHe OnE"....i def hav hit alot of road blocks....SeX is def one of them
upon meeting several new people recently while trying to engage in the "newness" stage
i get stuck in the "SeX" stage
i mean yea it is cool to touch on the subject...see what each person thinks about it
but we do not have to spend two days worth of conversation on it...repeating things that have already been said or asked previously hours before...
i mean yes i do enjoy it...but not enough for it to consume my life...

i mean what is so wrong with an actual mind stimulating conversation?
how about a thought provoking question?
how about ANY question that does not pertain to sex!?!?

i mean not to sound conceaded or full of myself...
but i know i look "sexy"" and i know that i am cute
but excuse me sir you do not have to remind me every hour
and then follow that comment with a crude one about sex...
it gets old....really fast...and we havnt even met yet!!

we havnt even had a formal handshake
or had a formal hug
i havnt even gotten to stare into your eyes and interpret how the light reflects of the one...two...or three colors that i see...
i havnt been able to make you smile or to make you laugh
i havnt even gotten to hold your hand

it is just pointless and annoying when you are full in on a conversation about sex
but when i ask you something worth thinking about or
something that requires a little thought...you hav short and unfulfilling answers...

but it is ok...for now....
until i get over this stage wth whomever
i will just continue to seek a real conversation
and i will contiue to seek someone who sees me for me and not just me for how "sexy" i am
i know i am sexy sir...but do you know what my mind is actually worth?
do you know how intelligent i may be or what thoughts, dreams, or aspirations i have?
until then i will move on to the next....and onto the next stage...and hopefully
somewhere along the way...i will find...HiM


oh yea...found this video...it is AMAZING and super creative...so yea hope you enjoy :)




Nyle "Let The Beat Build" from Nyle on Vimeo.

...SuNdAy MoRnInG...

Sunday, August 15, 2010

well...it is Sunday morning...and i am actually listening to Sunday Morning by No Doubt (def one of my top fav songs!)

yea i am so crabby this morning!!!! LoL...i just did not get alot of sleep...i did not sleep well at all...and i am tired...and cold...LoL...after listening to a little No Doubt it def has lifted my spirits and made the day seem so much more enlightening and enjoyable :)

yes i love my job...but just some weekends when i have to be up super early and cheery and just at work wears thin sometimes. but i love my job and sad to say there were several patients that put a smile on my face today.

also wanted to share a video i found....




the video has a very interesting "story line" and the song is not that bad....just saw it and wanted to share :)

throughout the day, i def stop and have small random thoughts or epiphanies...most of the time i forget them (just b/c i am that forgetful) but there are times that i remember them!!

today i want to talk about obesity....
each day i deal with patents who are severely obese (and most of them extremely rude and non grateful) and more than half of their health problems can be attributed to those problems.  now when they are rude i seriously want to just pipe up and say...he lose about 100-200 lbs and you wont have to deal with me in the first place!
it just makes me sad to see people choose to live that way. and yes i said CHOOSE because it is a choice. there are a ton of things you can do to fix this problem.

and no i am not talking about diet pills and get thin quick scams (b/c most of them are). yes it is hard work but the benefits to that hard work is sooo rewarding! and it will save you from frequent hospital visits and possibly even extend your life if you just take time to take care of yourself.

Yes i have been active all my life but it is a CHOICE. i am the only one in the family that is this way so it was an influence that i made on my own. I currently work out 5-6 days a week,....have 4 small healthy portioned meals each day. yes i do splurge every once in a while but i fell great and i can run up many flights of stairs without it killing me. it is sad to see when people cant even take the stairs to go up or DOWN one level!! it kills me!

as a health professional (and yes i can call myself that b/c i have a degree!! :) ) i feel that people should pay more attention to their lifestyles. it will be better not only for you but me! yes i may not make as much money as a doctor but at the same time i wont have to pull in the hoyer lift and call for the double wide hospital bed to accommodate you (and yes we have to do that for some patients....sad i know....) just be more conscious. start off with baby steps and gradually build up your lifestyle to something better....i have a whole list ful of things that someone can do to start to make a change...but you have to want to change! you have to want to help yourself or no one else can help you! you cant help those who don't want to be helped so when will people want to start to make a change? ....just a little food for thought...(no pun intended...LoL)...

...BrAnD nEw DaY...

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Brand New Day-Kurious Jorge (Prod by Hi-Tek) from Javier Goin on Vimeo.


Well i found this video (the video above) and just wanted to share it. i love the beat and the hook. the 2nd rapper that spits is the best, but the beat is just catchy and i found myself hummin the hook to myself so i wanted to share it.

And this video and title def tie in with how i feel

so blessed and happy to see each and every brand new day.

trying to stay positive and optamistic about all the things that life throws you.

when things are not going how i want them i try to turn it positive and focus on the things that are good in my life. there are other people in the world that are sooo worse off than me right now and i am just so happy and blessed to be in the position that i am in right now. i am truly blessed and try to thank the lord for that each and every day.

Today i am helping out a friend with a motorcycle bike wash...and yes i have to wear a bikini. see if this were 3 months ago i would not be so happy about it...but with my new insanity body i have no problem gettin all dolled up for the event. i seriously have been trying to decide which outfit to wear and only wish that i had bought some more new more exciting bikini's. but i said i was not going to buy a new one until i had reached my goal...and i am not there yet....so until then..i will keep working hard!

It is saturday, Aug, 14th...yesterday was friday the 13th. to my knowledge nothing crazy or bad happened on the 13th. i did hear a few doctors and nurses hoping that the "wolves" didnt come out during their shift. i mean i have been around to see the crazies and the chaos but at the same time are friday's the 13th really that bad. i mean i know some people who sware up and down that if any friday happens to be the 13 they are doomed and something always bad happens to them. but like most people. the 13th comes and goes just as if it were just an average regular day.

well off to work...or do something else productive....we shall see....

...I gOt ThE iNtErNeT gOiN nUtZ....

Friday, August 13, 2010

in lue of one of my favorite paul wall songs...i titled this post "i got the internet going nutz"
LoL...yea i know but its a good song...and no i do not have the internet going nutz...its actually the complete opposite.



well as you all may know, i joined plenty of fish.com a few weeks ago. i looked a few profiles and chatted with a few guys...never got the full connection that i was looking for...until...someone tries to contact me. we chat for a few days online...and like my usual online habits i do not log into the website for a few days so i gave him my number to text me. and he does....since then we have been having amazing conversations. today was the first day we had a real convo phone date and i will have to say that it went pretty well. he is very charming and humerous and was able to make me laugh the whole time which is a HUGE plus. His jokes were actually very good and not corny at all so that was another good thing and he sounds so cute on the phone.



yea i will say that i have alot of mixed emotions about this. i mean i dont know...i thought i could try to find someone the good ole fashioned way but...as we all have seen the past few years have been a repeat of disasters and dead ends. so why not result to something different. i just hope this stays in a positive direction and i am excited to see what comes of it. he will be moving alot closer to me soon so we will have to just wait and see how this whole thing pans out.



i will say that being celibate was the best decision i have  made in a looong time. i feel it cuts out all the fake non sense that goes along with meeting people and getting to know them. you find out really quickly how people really feel once you mention that sex is not an option right now...LoL. it makes me feel like when i was a virgin (which wasnt too long ago!) i forgot how good it felt to just put it all on the table and be upfront and honest. it feels great and i an so happy that i have done that. i seriously want to get to know someone and start to love them and truly feel for them before other things start to happen in the relationship. needless to say i made a decision and i am so happy that i stuck with it.



so i finally finished insanity! last friday was my last day. this week i took as the "recovery week" i took a few days off b/c my body def could feel it but next week i am going to start over with the 2nd month and hit it hard. over the 60 days i have lost more that 10lbs and i have def toned up and defined parts on my body i did not think i could get tone. i look amazing and i feel even better. this was the feeling i had envisioned when i first thought about trying insanity. now i know im not fat or over weight but i just had a picture in my head of how i wanted to look and i have almost achieved that. it is so rewarding :) maybe in anther 30day i can post some pix and truly flaunt what i worked so hard for...and yes i worked very hard! working out everyday...making better food choices...the sacrifice! def. worth it!



now its on to tackle the other important things in my life....school...finances....family...love.... :)

...VeRy CrEaTiVe...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

...PlEnTy Of FiSh In ThE sEa...

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Well i have done it...and i said that i never would...
a few weeks ago a friend of mine said she was going to join match.com
well she wanted me to do the same (b/c we have endless convos to eachother about how crappy men are and the stupid things they do...)
well she joined it. seeing as i see no need to spend money to meet people i did not (well i refuse) to pay money to be on a dating site. so i found...plentyofish.com

Its free and actually has alot of people in the radius of where i live (yes that is a HUGE suprise b/c i live in the middle of NO WHERE)

well i signed up on sunday. today is thursday. i have conversed with a few guys via messages
and have textd only 2 (the two guys i was really attracted to and thought we had a good "online connection")
well the first guy = bust # one. he turned out to be way too pushy and got mad b/c i would not express send him some more pix of me when he wanted them (im sorry i have a life and cant sit on the internet all day..)
the 2nd guy the convo turned out to be a little dull. so i guess keep looking?

this whole dating game makes me sick.
i do not like it at all
i dont like having to tell my story over and over
but i guess it is something that i have to do since i am single :(
i honestly do not know what to do.

i honestly am fine being alone. it took me all summer to finally be happy with me and to work on me. and then out of the blue people drop in and out of my life. its like a tease. or maybe a test?

i decided months ago that i am going to be celebate. the next guy i choose to go in that direction with will be my boyfriend and this relationship will be serious. i dont want to play "the game" anymore. and that is the price i am willing to pay to find what i am looking for.

oh the date...yes i have to share my date.
well last week (while i was moving and looked like crap) i met someone. he was driving by DuKum and stopped me and we talked and exchanged numbers
went out a few days later
i can say that i honestly had fun when i was on the date
only thing...he is shorter than me :-/
i mean i am 5'10...he is like a good 5'8...i had to lean down to hug him goodnight....
yes i know that is shallow and stupid but c'mon...i have never done that before. it def is weird looking down to your date...and i honestly dont think i like it.
altho he was a little pushy at the end of the night and the night def did not end like it should have i am glad i at least went out on a date. that is something i have not done in a long time.

...*sigh*....

i dont know...i just want to find HIM...and i want to be happy
and not have to worry about this anymore
it is an added stress to my life and i DO NOT LIKE IT....
until then...like always....
...i will be patient....and i will pray about it....