....tHe QuEsTiOn iS: wHy!?!?.....

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

well what a week this has been!
had a blast in illinois....got to see my friend(s)...it was a good time. we did good with only playing with 4 people. i seriously wanted to quit one day due to the ignorance and rudeness that bryan our coach) was giving off...he was a complete jerk and i have heard more than one person say that his ways has made them want to quit...i just need to talk to him...
hmmm have 2 test this week...had a presentation but it was pushed off until ned wednesday.
hmmmm heart day...each day i get more and more annoyed with it. it remindes me that i am alone..i dont have anyone that loves me, i dont have anyone in my life to be my rock and to hold me down...i am alone...i have no one...and i know i have to be patient, but it is so hard when everyone else around you has someone and is happy and you are stuck with nothing.
i mean yea me and him are still cool...but for some reason i have gotten this "F" it attitude. i mean what/why am i working so hard with him for when it is going no where? i mean seriously...why do i put the time and effort into it...i feel that i try sohard and all i keep hearing is "your a great catch"...ok then if im so great than why am i alone? or how about this, if im such a good catch then why do i keep gettin good for nothing guys in my life who always push me to the side? for once i just want to be at the top of someones list not at the bottem...
speaking of...ok i have this friend. i saw his "girl" of whatever she is hand in hand with another guy and go into a car with him...i mean i tried not to assume anything but it was hard not to by the "physical evedince"...so i had to decide if i was gonna tell me friend or not....well i did. b/cif it were me than i want to know...at first he didnt kow how to react...then he wanted me to intervene...well i was hesitant but did as he asked...well then today he tired to say that everything was cool and in a sense that he would rather not know such things...so now i feel crappy b/c i ruined it for him...but at the same time she has already broken his heart once i just didnt want it to happen again...but most importantly i guess i was more dissapointed b/c he was just cool with it and was still persuing her...ok if that is the case than why didnt doug do the same thing? i mean give chance after chance...i guess when you "love" someone that much you dont care...you see thrutheir bad just to be happy...
i think thati truly will never be happy...i really do...i guess i find it and somehow it always seems to go away...i just want to have it and keep it...but that is the hard part...keeping it...well better yet finiding someone who is in it for 100%...where im not the only one giving somuch. thats where the real problem is...
*sigh*....same s**t different day....LoL
but i try to keep my spirits up....i try to pray more...read verses to stay movtivated and uplifted...so i guess all that i can do now is wait...
......until next time........