...tHe CuRsE...

Saturday, September 10, 2011

i have had this curse (well i believe it to be a curse...and i could also call it bad luck...)
And i noticed that i have this problem since i was in high school and i had the first guy who "liked" me and wanted to date me (yes i was a late bloomer...didn't have my first real boyfriend until Jr year of high school)

The curse...
When i find ONE guy that i truly like...and that i am happy with...several other guys at that exact moment try to distract me from that guy by showing interest in me as well...
This causes a problem because then my thoughts...emotions...and feelings for the original guy are misguided and distracted by the other guys trying to get my attention...

Here is my latest example...
you guys know about Mr. Adventure...
Before i met him...i was on a drought. I was not meeting any guys...i was wallowing in my loneliness and yearning the compassion and attention of a male counterpart...
Then i meet Mr. Adventure...and since July we have been spending a lot of time with each other
i am getting to know the person he is and i start thinking...trying to see if he is someone i would like to grow more into a "relationship" with.  I mean i would say we are "dating" right now...but we have not had "the talk" and nothing is official (you guys know its not official until its facebook official...LoL)

Well over the past WEEK...
i had THREE....not 1, not 2, but THREE past guys i have met on the dating site call me...
and not a "hi I'm checking up on you call"...but a "hey things didn't work out with the other girls i dumped you for...so we should start talking again" kinda phone call...

My one and only friends with benefits (yes i had one...it was right after i broke up with my first serious boyfriend...i had a friend who fit the part...and it worked out.  We have no romantic feelings for each other at all...but we still remain very good friends...problem is he has moved over 1000 miles away so naturally things kinda ended...) but this week he texted/called me again...not over our usual friend convos...but pushing towards the "in horny and lonely" conversation (which i quickly change the subject b/c he has a lot going on in his life and does not need to be worrying about trying to meet up with me right now)

And lastly....as of last night....Mr Rodeo Cowboy now wants to be back in the picture....
he and i started "hanging out" back at the start of this year...in June things started to turn sour...
He was playing the usual guy games when it comes to girls wanting more than the fun weekend times...so i just had to stop communication all together.  It was what i needed to get over him (well...try to get over him) and to move on to find someone more worth my time. 

Over the past week he started texting me...we have not talked since June, so it was nice to just catch up and conversate.  Well last night i went out with my gals and of course i saw him out...and instantly...the attraction...the connection...the chemistry was still there.  Of course he talks with me and trying to entice me with his smile...his humorous ways...and buying us drinks...and of course...like a sucker i slowly started getting sucked back in.

....after the Mr. Rodeo Cowboy situation I'm not gonna go into detail about some other random guy who has an eye for me.  I mean we truly are friends...and i know he wants something more...but he is def stuck in the friend zone with me. Besides he works at a local restaurant...and i don't want to mess up my connection for cheap drinks and free dinners...LoL

All in all...last night when i was hanging out with Mr. Rodeo cowboy...i could not help but start to miss my Mr. Adventure.  This is the first weekend in the past 6 weeks we have not been spending time together (because he had family stuff to do this weekend) and while Mr. Rodeo Cowboy is trying to butter me up with conversation in the back of my mind...i could not help but to think of Mr. Adventure.

When i woke up this morning reflecting on the events of this week...for the first time since i started seeing Mr. Adventure I questioned if he was right for me...but then i also thought about all those "its a beautiful life" moments i have had over the past few months and he has been apart of all of them.

Mr. Adventure may be a little rough around the edges...and he is a true outdoors man...but he has an amazing heart.  He is always thinking of others before himself.  He spoils me (by cooking for me...that's all i need! LoL) and he treats me so well.  Minus the little problem on the float trip everything seems to be fine between us and i find myself counting down the time until i get to see him again...

With Mr. Rodeo Cowboy...there is an instant connection between us.  And it has been there since the second we met.  He is super tall...not very athletic...he can dress his ass off (he has more clothes and shoes than i do!) but he has an amazing humor and personality.  He is very financially stable...and is one hell of a kisser...the kind of kisser that literally makes the wold spin around you and brings out that passion that is deep down inside of you. Now that may just be lust...but...it sure as hell is an amazing feeling.

The old Internet boys...all were disregarded for a reason.  They all were full of false promises and lies...and not worth my time.  They may fancy the idea of having another chance with me...but i have not entertained that thought at all with any of them....oh and did i mention my ex boyfriend also texted me this week....LoL...yea its been one hell of a communication week for me!

Despite all the random and unwanted attention i am getting from so many directions right now....it is a huge distraction! And like i said a curse.  I don't want to make the wrong decision...it seems like with my life and career i am good at making the right moves and right choices to get me where i want to be.  But when it comes to relationship....i have no clue as to what to do when a road block is thrown in front of me...

*sigh*...i cant wait to see Mr. Adventure again...
And talking with my gals they said i don't have to really tell him about whats been going on this week....
i do and don't feel comfortable with that. I am a very honest and upfront person...but at the same time i don't want him to think that he cant trust me...and i don't want to worry him with the fact that randomly all these guys who do not matter are trying to chase me.  To be honest  i don't know what to think or say about Mr. Rodeo Cowboy...it is clear that things went bad for a reason and that i found Mr. Adventure. I honestly do not want to entertain the idea of being with anyone else...esp these past guys who i stopped talking to for a pretty good reason. I just hope for the best with Mr. Adventure and will wait to see what unfolds for "us".