...tHe FiGhT...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

well...i feel a little sad that my dad and i got into a bit of a disagreement the other day...
I am a BIG daddy's girl...and when i was growing up this was a good thing until he go re-married to the wicked witch of the south (my EVIL stepmother)

She is a very evil, vindictive, rude, selfish, unpleasant person to be around.
I usually do not say much to anything about her (on my blog or in real life) because i don't even like to entertain the thought of her. 
When her and my father got married when i was in high school, that is when our family really started to tear apart.  Instead of embracing all of my fathers kids, it was like she was trying to find a way to run us away from them.  My grandmother did not even attend their wedding! I did not understand then, but i understand why she did that now!

There was a small point in time where i went to live with my dad when i was in High school (and i moved out on my own shortly after living with them because of the way she treated me and my dad did NOTHING about it...i guess to keep the peace with her.  and i my personality was a lot more quiet and conservative back then than i am now!) During this time she made my life hell! She tried to give me a ridiculous curfew (like 7 or 8pm! I'm a teenager!!) She would make me buy my own food to eat ( i could not eat any of the food she would buy at the store and that was in the house).  And when she got the chance she would say or whisper mean things under her breath when she would see me at home. These things are just the few things this evil lady did...i could go on for days! But back to the story about my dad...

My dad would make me go to her church....now that is not a problem but her church...was not the type of church i would want to go to.  You know how some ppl are super religious but turn around and do some of the most evil and worst things...yes...this was not only my step mom but 1/2 of the congregation at this church.
I was born and raised in the church.  I was baptized at a Methodist church that my mom went to (and i still go there when i go home. i LOVE that church and it will forever be my church home).  For 5 years i went to a privet christian high school...so the Lord was apart of my everyday routine.

Well when i was on the phone with my father on Sunday i was asking him about his day and if he had to go to church.  he said he went as usual and i replied "hmmm i don't see how you can do it....i did not like going to that church...actually i hated it!"...he then quickly asks me why....
I told him that the people in the church treated me so fake.  They would talk about me and my moms side of the family right in front of me! It was like my step mom had told them all to gang up on me and treat me badly. 

My dad then said "well they were telling me that you were always skipping school and work to run around with them boys"...i gasped....and i yelled 'what boys!?"
During the time i lived with my dad was when i had my first boyfriend! my dad met him and knew him.  We both worked at the same place so we would usually work together and he would give me a ride home.  Sometimes he would take me to a movie or we would go play pool...but other than that what BOY(S) was i running around with? I had a 3.75 GPA (out of a 4.0), i was student body president, on all varsity sports teams, and i held a part time job (working full time hours some weeks)...when did i have time to run around with boys!? To be honest me and this guy broke up because i would not fool around with him (my limits were kissing and holding hands...i didn't want anything else.  i wanted to focus on school and making a better life for me and i knew that sex complicated things not to mention my family is very fertile and i was not trying to have kids anytime soon!) not to mention i did not lose my virginity until i was 20-something years old (yea i wanted to wait for all the right reasons and I'm glad i did!)

Naturally when i start firing off questions with my dad he shuts down...so when i got upset that's exactly what i did...who said this...why....what made them say this...why would i even have to lie about that with him when i had a curfew and i was doing so good in school...etc...etc....so like he does he said "leave it alone Stephanie....ill talk to you later." and we hung up.

I was annoyed and upset....why had my dad let these people talk bad about me? and in front of him? and why did he not stand up for me? why did he not say something? why did he not ask me about it if he was so quick to believe them? I know it happened so long ago...but still...my dad never stood up for me when it came to do with anything dealing with my step mom...and that ruined our relationship for the longest time. That is the main reason i did not hesitate to move 1000 miles away to start a new life when i graduated from high school.  Maybe i still have not let go of all that build up hostility and anger from when i was treated so badly and he just stood by and did not do anything about it....

I love my dad.  and i know he loves me.  and i will always be there for him.  But i know that Mrs. Phillips (my "adoptive mom" ill have to talk about soon) would NEVER let anything like that go on. 

*sigh*

i was hoping he would have called me by now...but he is just as stubborn and prideful as i am...so i guess ill have to make the first move since i am the one who got mad.

But a word of advice for anyone who tries to go after a man with children....
please please please treat the kids just as you would treat your man.  I remember a lot of his old girlfriends and how they would treat me very well.  I'm not going to lie some tried to buy me off with candy, toys, and new clothes...but they still tried to make me happy just as they would try to make my dad happy...but no one made me cry more when i was growing up than the lady who would try to tear me down and spit on me when all i wanted...all i needed...was some love, attention, and support from my "family".  I am so grateful for my friends from home because they were my support (and so was their families) and Mrs. Phillips and her family are like my family. She did not know me at all and took me under her wings and loved me like i was her own.  And for that i would forever be grateful because she helped encourage me with my life choices and helped me become the woman i am now. 
So the moral to this story....everybody love everybody (yes i stole that line from the movie Semi-Pro with Will Ferrel...LoL) I know some days i would just cry(not in front of her..i was very good at not letting her know that she got to me) because all i wanted was to be wanted....and to be loved.


5 ...CoMmEnTs...:

*J said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hey! This is my first time visiting your blog. I must say that I'm really glad that I found my way here (from the Globetracer blog).

This post was very revealing. I'm sorry to hear about the differences between you, your father and your stepmother. I couldn't even imagine how it must have been dealing with some of the things that you went through.

Those people definitely weren't right for throwing dirt on your name and I can't even imagine how much it hurt knowing that your father didn't do much to defend or back you up. Being his daughter, I'm sure that's what you've come to expect from him. It's unfortunate that's not the way things turned out...in that situation.

With that being said, I truly believe that all of your differences can be worked out...with time and patience. In terms of things with your father, talking over the phone is good, but it would be so much better for the two of you to sit down face-to-face, talk to one another and truly share how each of you is feeling. That way there is no way to avoid the issue. No silence, no hanging up and no walking away without a resolution.

With your stepmother, it boils down to forgiveness. No matter what she has done to you or how bad it may have been. You must forgive her and love her. GOD requires that of you and all of us. It may not be easy initially, but trust me, once you've truly forgiven her you will be able to move on and she will never be able to bother or disturb your mood again. Trust that GOD will look out for you and protect you. All you have to do is love and forgive. Just like you closed out your post saying, LOVE is the answer. Believe that!

Once again, I really enjoyed your blog. I'll be sure to stop by more often. Feel free to check out my blog, if you like.

Stay Blessed,

*J
(up4dsn.wordpress.com)

a girl with a smile said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm sorry about your step mom. The heartache you've endured through that is imaginable. But I admire you for seeing through her and forgiving you dad. That's true love!

p.s. thanks for stopping by my blog.

ms.composure said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@*J thanks so much for stopping by my blog! and thanks so much for the advice

over the years my dad and i have started to build a better relationship. i do love him, and when i do go home (which is about once or twice a year) we are usually so happy to see eachother that we dont want to start a fight (since im only home for a few days…) but with him things take time and eventually in his own time he will like to talk about things…i have kinda figured out how he likes to handle situations like the one we had…but eventually we will be able to sit down and just let it all out.

and my stepmom…i have forgiven her…i just cant seem to forget it. that is why i was able to move on and make the life i have for myself now. In a way i actaully thank her for making me so strong because what she put me through taught me how to become a stronger person and to push for something more out of life and out of relationships i have with other ppl.

please stop by again!

*J said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@ms.composure

I'm glad to hear that you've worked through a lot of those situations. That's a blessing.

Trust me, I'll be swinging by your blog more often. Feel free to check out some of my content...or not. It's your choice. Thanks again for the reply and letting me know how things have progressed.

Sherms said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I can't believe I didn't comment before. I read this entry right after you posted it but most likely I was in bed and didn't comment.

Parents are complicated enough but through step parents into the mix and its even worse. The relationship between a girl and her dad is so special and can really determine how a girl grows up.
I'm glad that you're able to recognize the situation for what it is. And you were able to get out and do what you need to do for yourself. Sometimes that can be really hard. But I'l glad that you're working on your relationship with him.

 
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