Friday, September 30, 2011
forever is a long time....
especially when you are thinking in terms of spending the rest of your life with someone.
over the past few weeks i have talked with several friends who got married pretty early. Most of these couples were what i like to call the "Unicorn couples"...you know..the kind of couples you only see in movies. When you see them walk by you can just see the love they have for each other beaming from their souls. This couple compliments each other very well...and every gal who is having trouble keeping a man always thinks "i hope i have a relationship like that someday" every time you see this couple. Well i guess everything that glitters is not gold...because those relationships i use to envy have now fallen apart. They have either filed or just settled for a divorce. Luckily none but one had any children (which could be a reason why they split) but from what i can gather the divorce was pretty peaceful and fairly quick.
When i sit and think about these kind of things that happen it scares the tar out of me!
Here i am, searching to find one guy to have to call mine, and people who i thought had solid relationships are breaking up around me.
Coming from a family full of divorces, the word forever to me is somewhat tainted. Yes, one day i do hope to get married, have the white picket fence with the dog (still not sure about the 2.5 children part yet)...but along with that dream comes indefinite love and understanding. When i finally say "I do" i will also say "I don't" to divorce. I want to find a man that i can be comfortable and happy with. I want to find someone who does not mind the word "forever" as long as i am involved in that picture. But today is that easier said than done?
Now i am not completely hopeless when it comes to me finding Mr. Right ( and just Mr. Right now....b/c sadly i have had many different Mr. Right Now's) i guess i will just be very picky and very cautious when it comes to thinking in terms of forever. Don't get me wrong...Mr. Adventure is still in the picture. We are still learning about each other and still having fun. But it is def too early to consider "forever" with him.
With men i have always been on the fence and i have always had this huge wall up. The men in my life that have been the closest to me have not always been there for me. The word "I love you" was tainted with actions that did not show love...and those actions included lying, cheating, stealing, and anything else that you can think of that would make you want to push men away forever. So i guess my biggest obstacle is actually trying to find what i feel is true love. because right now...i feel like it does not exist.
forever is a long time...and at least i love myself enough right now to be happy with the idea of spending forever with just me (but i will be honest and say that i hope i don't have too!! LoL)
10 ...CoMmEnTs...:
I was like you in my early 20's. Jealous of my friends "perfect" relationships. Then as they got divorced and I grew up, I realized there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. I vomit at couples who say they never fight, agree about everything, never questioned each other, finish each others sentences, blah blah blah. Those are the couples who have the most issues...and since they are either 1. afraid to communicate their needs because it will make them seem like they aren't getting enough or 2. Just don't know how to communicate, those are the ones that break down and end things.
You can't expect good times all the time. There are dark times and theN are very dark effed up I can't see 2 inches in front of my nose times and you have to be willing to go through them together. I think too many people are too selfish for marriage. If you can't think about even putting your partners needs above your own for even one second, then you aren't ready for marriage.
I'm sure you will find Mr. Right. It sadly takes a few Mr. Right Nows to get us to Mr. Right.
P.S. Sorry for the long note!!!
I have felt this way sooo many times. I'm glad you expressed it! Sometimes it feels super lonely when everyone around you is tying the knot or having babies. Part of me is like I want that, but at the end of the day would I want their relationship and when I see the big picture I'm like "No." We just have to be patient. I believe that when the right person comes along we'll know it...hopefully that moment comes for you first so I can savor it on your blog!
I don't think there is anything such as a perfect couple, perhaps from the outside people can look perfect but no relationship is easy. Even when you find someone that you care deeply for, who you connect with and share the same values as, it still takes work. Nobody ever enters into a marriage thinking about divorce but sometimes things go wrong. I don't think you should be afraid or hesitant. Just give yourself completely to a relationship that you think could last long term. There is no secret trick other than to keep showing up and making an effort every day xx
Cool we both blog about relationships and we are both Sagittarius'. Found you from Friday Blog Hop.
All marriages have their problems and their challenges and those couples that never argue and seem perfect, they don't know how to get through those times. Never fighting is not the key to a lasting relationship. Being able to fight productively and those that are okay with sticking with each other are the ones that make it.
im glad i didn't get married young...everyone is different though but i am thankful i met my husband when i did...because marriage is hard work and i feel more ready now than if i was younger!
Featured you btw!
From someone who got married "young" in many people's eyes, I never used to understand why people questioned our decision...but now I totally get it! Almost all of the couples that were married the same time as we were are now, like you said, divorced...and it's totally scary! I love what you said about "saying 'I do' to marriage means saying 'I don't' to divorce"...that's exactly how I feel! So glad you stumbled onto my blog because I'm loving yours! :)
Good subject!
I got married 10 years ago, young by most standards and I see that many people who married young seem to fall apart by the 9 years mark (if they lasted that long)! Marriage is hard work and I wish we spent more time really preparing for the life ahead than we do on the expensive festivities of a wedding. I oftentime think that it might be best to have a small wedding and a BIG anniversary once we hit the 10, 25 and 50 years mark! Like all marriages my hubby and I have faced our challenges but we have two big things in common, we seriously turn to God to make us strong when we are weak and we are both stubborn to succeed and have a joyful and peaceful life. I can say that after enduring some of our worst trials we love and RESPECT each other more now than we did before. We respect the "fighter" (fighting the Good fight of faith) in each other. The most important ingredients to a good man are to me: integrity, a man who knows how to be a real leader in his home and know how to get and act on good counsel! Once you got that then you know that no matter what come your way you will overcome any hardship as a couple!
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