...My Mr.BiG...

Sunday, June 5, 2011

well for all you Sex in the City Lovers...you all know who Mr.Big is...
and if you don't....catch up here...

Well this morning...it has come to my attention that i have been cursed with my own Mr. Big...

the lucky gentleman to carry such a title?

...none other than the famous Mr. Rodeo Cowboy...

he will now be changed to...Mr. Big....LoL

i realized this only after a recent event...

last night, after work i decided to go up to the bar i work at and hang out...have a few drinks...and its inevitable that i will walk out of there without taking a few shots.

so as i am sitting at the bar joking around with the other bartenders...getting a little tipsy

so i decided (against better judgement) to send Mr. Big a text

it was kinda late and i know he usually goes to be early (just like i do...hence another thing that was good about our situation...not having to compromise sleep to stay up to chat)...so i got no reply

well this morning bright and early (because everyone knows i wake up early)

he sends me a text apologizing for not responding to me last night

ok...

1...if he did not care as much as he portrays then why send the apology...why not just let the conversation as it was with no reply at all...

2...we then carried on somewhat of a conversation after that like everything was normal...

3...the other night when we had small conversation i told him i had to go to bed...i said bye...he does the whole "goodnight" thing... which i have learned is not done by someone who "doesn't care" about the person he is talking to...

I just find myself being slowly drawn back in...the same way Carrie was drawn into her Mr. Big...

i mean i get on my high horse and i say" i don't need to fight or convince any man to be with me"....or "i wont beg any guy to hang out with me...if he likes me he will make the time"...

but with him i just have a soft spot for him...maybe it is the smile...or his personality...but i def need to get him out of my system!

No he has not done anything wrong or mean...but that is just it...he has not done anything at all.

leaving the situation between us just hanging in the air...just dangling...

what do i do...what do i say...what am i to expect?

that is the part that kills me...all the questions and thoughts that i have about it.

i am committed to moving on because i don't want to waste time where it should not be wasted...but some way...some how...he finds a way to just warm right back up to me like nothing happened...like nothing is wrong.

maybe its because for the first time in a long time he has alot of the qualities that i have been looking for in a guy. nice job. independent. a gentleman. tall. funny. awesome smile. dreamy eyes (and yes i said dreamy...LoL)...great conversation. the life of any party. and with him it felt like i did not have to try to impress him. that he just accepted me for me. even on those days my hair was all crazy or i was not in the mood to dress nice...he didn't see that. when he looked at me all he saw was the real me and nothing else. and to be honest i have never been in a situation where a guy has been that way.

when we started hanging out regularly i did not talk to or pursue any other guy. my friends know i may be talking to a guy but i always have a guy on the bench just in case i need him. but in this situation i did not have my bench warmer because my gut told me that i did not need one. the overall feel of this situation was different and so i treated as if something good was going to come from it. when guys would ask me for my number i would not give it out. i would say " well i just met someone and i want to try to see where it goes". NEVER in my life have i EVER done that before. well after the most recent events i have decided to flirt and give my number out...no set dates with any guys yet but what if i do get one. i mean i know it does not matter because we do not owe anything to each other but do i tell him?

so until i can figure out this crazy "friendship"...or whatever we want to call it

i guess I'm stuck with Mr. Big just like Carrie.