...ReCoVeRy...

Thursday, June 30, 2011

well on Monday afternoon i had "it" finally done...
i have been putting "it" off for several years now..
but seeing as "it" has started to get unbearable...
and seeing as i am still on my dads insurance (and it covers pretty well) i might as well do it before i cant!

So i am officially a big girl now!
With my big girl job..
big girl house...
big girl car...
and now "it" done...I got my Wisdom Teeth out!

Monday and Tuesday i was pretty out of it...
yesterday i was a lot better...but still in pain...
today i return to work...and still in pain...LoL

I'm glad its done...
hope to pick things back up next week...as i go to NYC to meet the gals
and the big 4th of July celebration!

I have another 1st date with another guy today or tomorrow (depending when he makes it up to this area. has friends here and they are spending the weekend around here...so it was actually perfect timing!)
Ill be sure to let you know how that goes and hopefully he doesn't make any epic mistakes!

...MoViNg On...

Sunday, June 26, 2011

i know i deserve better...some ppl just cant handle the upgrade

...LoVe ChRoNiClEs...

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Lesson for today: After the First Date

Ok so you make it through the first date...

whether it was dinner and a movie...bowling...a park...coffee...mini golf...or whatever....

Hopefully at this point you are on your way to take the nice gal you were on a date with home (if you were paying any attention to my first post you would know that you should have picked your date up!)

So you guys are hopefully flirting and cooing over how much fun the date was...

Now what do you do?

Well you approach the gals house.

As a GENTLEMAN you should indeed either
A) jump out fast enough to go and open her car door or
 B) if she was too fast for you and is already hoping out, at least walk her to her front door.

So do you kiss her...or do you not...

this is a very tough question. i know some gals have a rule about not kissing on the first date...and some girls are more into it if it was a great date and the mood/feeling is right.  to be perfectly honest just ask!

As you are walking her to her door and saying your good bye's...if you feel the date was going that well it is perfectly OK to ask her if it OK for you to kiss her (after taking a poll this is the much preferred thing other than just coming at her with your lips or tongue...yes I have had a guy charge at my face with no lips just his tongue...LoL)

The worst thing she can say is NO...or "Sorry i don't kiss on the first date".  If the date was going that well and you guys have great chemistry she may say yes!

The Kiss

The kiss...to be honest the kiss says a lot!

a bad kisser is a HUGE turn off and could potentially ruin your chances for another date (and i know it was suggested that you can teach the guy how to kiss...but after taking a poll several people tried but were unsuccessful at teaching their mate the way they liked to be kissed)

so i assume it is all about preference...but here are some tips that i got from polling my friends

1) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not go into a kiss with all tongue and slobber...NOT ATTRACTIVE

the tongue is suppose to be an accessory. It is there and if you use it, it is suppose to be an added pleasure...not the pure means for a kiss.

And do not go in trying to touch her tonsils with your tongue....

Oh you may think i am being funny/bazaar about bringing this up but you don't know how many times myself or other friends complained about how the person was just jamming their tongue into their mouth and not really doing much of anything else (other than trying to choke them with their tongue)

The best way to practice...look at a love story or chick flick (and i know how much guys dislike them) but there is a good sense of a perfect first kiss...if you make it past the first kiss then you guys can work on what works best for you or what either of you like to do while kissing.

2) Do not have wondering hands!

I don't know how many times a guy can ruin a FIRST KISS by trying to grab butt or boobs...this may be a no-brainer but guys i guess don't realize it...keep your hands in the safe zones (like her waist or holding her hands) Don't want to get too touch feely unless she is guiding you to touch certain areas and then that is a whole different story...

3) check out this article...it is pretty good with some tips (from a guys perspective) on kissing

http://www.mensweekly.co.uk/sex/how-to-blow-a-first-kiss/

So after the kiss (or non kiss) wait until she closes the door to her home...and then hop in the car and drive off (Key thing...always wait until she is inside and the door is closed before you drive off! This is just not date etiquette but i do this to my friends as well.)

When do i call/text her?

This rule is a very tricky rule. I have had guys say they set day or time limits until they contact a girl after a date...and some girls are afraid to contact the guy after the date...to be honest...if you feel like calling/texting then just do it!! DO NOT put a time frame on it.  Because if you do, you may be sending the wrong message (like you are not interested...or that the date did not go as well as you had hoped)

Its all about playing it cool...but still expressing that you are interested in the person...and you have to do that without going overboard and scaring the person away. 

Well these are all the tips i have for you for this weeks lesson of the Love Chronicles...stay tuned for more!

...LoVe ChRoNiClEs...

Thursday, June 23, 2011

ATTENTION MEN

(and attention all Boys...lets face it you all have not graduated to the "men" status yet...LoL)

I have decided to be very gracious and share my insight (as well as a collection of thoughts from a wide range of girls that i know) to the Do's and Don't s to dating (esp. the first date)

There have been so many WRONG things that have been going on recently that i keep thinking to myself..."why the hell do these guys think that what they are (or are not doing) is OK!?!?!"

So to help those who are in need of help (which is more men/boys than i can probably even imagine) i am going to give you the "how to" on what to do (from my perspective because lesson number 1 is that every woman is not the same!! the thing that you did with Amanda a few moths ago may not be the same things that your new flavor of the week will enjoy....)

Lesson for today: First Date Etiquette

Guys here are some things you MUST do to score points on the first date...

First of all asking a girl on the date...just do it! If you are afraid to or you are not sure if she is feeling you...the only way you will find out is asking her out! the worst she can do is say no...and i promise most ladies are not that heartless and wont point and laugh in your face if they reject your offer. some guys like to try to be fancy but sometimes simple and sweet are the best way to go.

So what do you do when you finally ask her on the date and she says yes....

1)Where to go...what to do!?

Try to talk to the lady and see what she would like to do on the first date. i personally tell guys that i love the surprise of not knowing. i will tell them some things that i like to do/eat and just let them decided from there. there are some guys who want to make sure i will have a good time so they will tell me to pick a few places and then they will surprise me with one of those places that i mentioned.

2)How do we meet at the date?

If possible pick the girl up. i know that i am old fashioned (thanks to my dad) and was told the guy is suppose to pick you up. he is suppose to COME TO THE DOOR and get you (not just sit in the driveway and honk) and OPEN THE CAR DOOR FOR YOU. This simple thing has been overlooked several times personally for me...and is def not the best way to start off the date.

3)To get flower or not to get flowers...that is the true question!

To be honest i don't know how many times i have dropped the hint to guys that i would like some flowers on the first date. Like i said i am old fashioned. If you are unsure...then hint around at it or just flat out ask. Some ladies do not like flowers...and i am not saying go get roses or the most expensive flowers at the store. get something simple and sweet.  With most gals the smaller things are what matter the most (at least i know that's how it is with me and my gals...) and this will score big points with your date and with her friends (because lets face it...that is one of the first things she will brag about when they ask her how the date went!)

4)What to do on the date?

Well this is the tricky part...if you guys have great chemistry the conversation should be pretty good and should flow. nothing will have to be forced. But that is not the case if both of you are super nervous and freaking out about the date. I know a gal friend of mine told me that on a date a guy made a list of topics that they could talk about (which was good because they ended up not even going through all of them), Also don't forget to open the door for the lady...and pulling out the chair is nice (but impossible if you sit someplace with a booth). Just be mindful that she is watching your every move!

5) Who pays for the meal?

well to be honest if you are old fashioned like i am it would be nice for the guy to do it! To be honest i never expect any guy to pay for my meal. I always bring cash or my card and i always offer to pay for the meal (or even the tip).  But usually the guy will pick up the tab and pay for it all.  Now some ladies may not feel the same way that i do and that is when the flirting can be fun. You can flirt and fight about the tab or if she just insists on helping with the tab tell her to leave the tip. But i would say to be safe be ready to pay for the meal...at least on the first date.

Well the things i stated above are just scratching the surface as to what to do or what not to do.  Please stay tuned for more tips and clues! (and to be honest if you have a question feel free to ask me! i have tons of single gal friends and i will give you the most common answer that we all can come up with. this is so that its not just coming from me but from many different gals with many different views on the topic)

...BaD fIrSt DaTe...

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

hello...my name is Stephanie...and i have this ornate ability to have bad luck with men...

well it has happened...

I have had my first bad date!

OK so i decided to go on a date with a guy i met on the online dating site. we decided to meet in a mutual middle ground spot for dinner (which was perfect for me!) besides the fact that i had to drive a little ways to meet him, i much rather preferred that than having him come to where i live.

So we meet up. He was very nice and joking around (just as we would do when we chat on the phone)
and we go to dinner....
dinner was very nice and very good.
He started the night off by opening the door to the restaurant (but not the car door...strike 1! hey i gotta set some standards!!)
he paid for dinner (and yes i offered...just something my mom always told me to do)

well after dinner...he took me to my car so that i could go home...here is when the date went sour...
He started to get a little too touchy for a first date (trying to touch my boobs...grabbing my ass...touching my legs and just being too touchy in general...)
so after me telling him to stop several times (he still did not really pay attention not to mention we have had several conversations about taking things slow and how i find guys that are pushy and too touchy too soon to be a HUGE turn off)
He then proceeds to try to ask me to stay for a while...at this point i was getting very uncomfortable and just wanted to get in my car and drive away as fast as i could!!
he at this point had given me a hug and was thanking me for the date...but was giving me a extra long hug and was yet again being too touchy...and having wondering hands...

in the middle of this way-to-long hug...he then tells me i should spend the night.
i laugh and say "uh yea right"
not to mention i had said several times that i needed to get home because i had to be at work super early the next morning...well then he had the idea that should just hang out and call into work sick!!
LOL....um yea...at this point my friends def came to the rescue!

By pure luck a group of friends i usually meet up at the bar and play pool with on Mondays texted me. so my phone is going off and i insist he let me go so i can answer it...so looking at my phone and realizing who it was it gave me an escape!! i said i forgot about a prior engagement and had to hurry back to town to meet up with the friend that just texted me....

needless to say i slightly ran to my car and sped away...calling my friends (almost in a panic) to explain how awful the end of the date was...

Dinner was fine...and the conversation was good...but after that...was way too much!

I have had problems with guys in the past being way to forceful and having to fight them (literally) to stop touching me and get off of me.  i was not wearing anything too sexy. i had on a sundress (that went down to my knees) i had on sandals (no heels) and my hair was pinned back. i was very conservative and not giving off all the wrong signals (like i usually do on a first...2nd...3rd...or 4th date)

it just frustrates me because i just want ONE good guy. i know i am trying hard to find someone but i am just looking for my break. i just want to find one good guy...who has all the qualities i am looking for...and will treat me the way i should be treated....RESPECT ME and my boundaries...and just make me fell the way i want to feel...loved....

*sigh* so i think for now i give up. i have just had a continuous string of bad guys...and bad situations...and just don't want to deal with it anymore. i guess i will just have to be happy with being lonely and being happy....it just sucks that i am on such a string of bad luck...off to delete my online dating profile!

....until next time...

...DeDiCaTeD tO mY FaThEr...

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Today's post i would like to dedicate to one of the most important men in my life....
my father :-)

most people say that we look a lot alike (and yes i would agree!)
growing up from a little girl until about Jr. high i was always a BIG daddy's girl (and i still am)
he would spoil me...
when i would get in trouble by mom he would always make it better...
we went through a little rough patch when i was in my teen years
but i can say that over the past 5 years or so we have gotten a lot closer
i can always call him and get good advice (even sometime about guys...not the deep details but just small problems that come up)
and he is always encouraging me about my career goals and things i want to do in my life
even though he did not want me to move to Missouri back in 2004 (he even tried to bribe me to get me to stay!)
he has still encouraged me to do what i want (because he knows that i will end up doing what i want anyway so he might as well go along with it instead of against it...LoL)

I love my dad so much and i Cherish the times we spend together when i go back home
i am still a daddy's girl (we seriously talk about once a day if not every other day)
he has made some mistakes in the past...but then again who hasn't?

i am glad for the things he has (and most of the things he did not) do for me
i know i would not have worked as hard to achieve the things that i have gotten today

So i love you dad and happy fathers day!!

...BlAcK GoDdEsS...

Saturday, June 18, 2011

well in my effort to get past the thoughts of Mr. Rodeo Cowboy (AKA Mr. Big)
i decided to jump back on the horse.
the horse of trying to find someone that is good for me...
someone who will truly appreciate me...
respect me...
and treat me like the way a woman should be treated

against my better judgment i decided to hop back onto online dating...
i made this choice because lets face it i live in a small town.
and after Mr. Rodeo Cowboy...trying to find a "townie" (our word for locals in this area)
is just not ideal AT ALL!
so...online dating it is...

so i create my profile...
put a few simple facts about myself...
and then submit it and see what kind of ppl send me messages.
well, initially i get a good amount of older men (like more than 10 years older than me) sending me messages..men with children (nothing against ppl with children...to be honest i don't mind but if you are 23 and have 3 kids that def raises a red flag in my mind) and the list goes on of men who are NOT ideal for me to "date"

...until one night....i get a message....

well then i get a message from a guy...who does not live too far away.
He meets my height and age requirements (and not divorced and no kids)
we chat for a few days...you know ask questions...overall conversate
after somewhat breaking the ice this guy (who does not have a "Mr." name yet because i have not known him long enough to give him one...) proceeded to tell me that i am a "Black Goddess"...

LMAO!!!

i have been told a lot of things...but never in my life have i been called a goddess...or a black one for that matter.

It just baffles me how guys actually treat women.
No i am not saying what he said offended me in any way. and to be honest the conversations we have are great and he is a really nice guy. i am thinking of guys in the past at how you first meet them...and then at some point...something clicks in their mind and they decided to stop acting like the person you initially met. they stop being the way that drew you into their personality and into your world. they stop trying to impress you and some turn to being down right disrespectful. and i just wish i could find out or be given some sort of clue as to why they result to turning into something that you do not expect at all. do they do it to get rid of you? or do they do it because that is the person they actually are and it is just hidden until you get to know them more and the true person comes out? well whatever the case i guess it is good that i see that side of them sooner than later. so i can save myself from being stuck with someone who was not worth my time or my love.


I thank God everyday for the opportunities he has given me and the people he has put in my life...and i guess those guys were put in my life to teach me a lesson? I'm still trying to figure it all out...but in the meantime i am gonna continue to search and find someone who is right for me...he is out there...and i am determined to find him (hopefully sooner than later!)

...HiGh MaInTeNaNcE...

Friday, June 17, 2011

while sitting at trivia the other night one of my guy friends happened to joke about how i was high maintenance...but i would like to strongly disagree with that....

my definition of high maintenance...

according to google:

adjective

1.Needing a lot of work to keep in good condition

2.(of a person or relationship) Demanding a lot of attention

Example - Caitlin is our only child and she's very high-maintenance

OK now looking at these definitions...i would definitely say that i am NOT high maintenance...
so i asked this guy friend to explain what made him think that i was...

his reply..."well Steph...you have a very Strong personality. You command the attention of any guy that you like and hold him to high expectations. you set the standard high and if he does not meet that you disregard them"...

OK according to his definition...i would totally have to agree. but i don't think i would call me "high maintenance" so to speak...

i honestly do not know what word to call it but i know that i do command the attention of a guy. you don't have to devote every second to me but i don't like to be ignored.  I am still a tomboy so getting dressed up for me does not take a long time.  I always offer to pay when i am on a date (my mama taught me to do that!) and when a guy is a true gentleman it def scores bonus points (opening doors...pulling out chairs...knowing which side of me to walk on if we are walking down the street)

I have set a pretty high standard because if  i don't...then the guy can notice and he will do what he can to get away with it. how do i know this? i had to learn the hard way. so with a guy that i show true interest in naturally hold them to a high regard. but their actions could either keep or lose my interest.

so am i "high maintenance" by definition....no...but i will say that a girls got standards that need to be met

...GoOd MoRnInG...

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Good morning!

A view from my secret breakfast spot at work.

Sad I'm inside on such a pretty morning!

posted from Bloggeroid

...LoOkInG fOr LoVe In AlL tHe WrOnG PlAcEs...

I have been on the same journey for the past few years...more so the past few months...and trying even harder to achieve it in the past few weeks.

I have been on a journey of Self Love and trying not only to figure out my love life but my real life as well.

As i was showering after a mind blowing workout (yes it was indeed mind blowing...my hamstrings and quads are thanking me for it today) i heard a random lyric to a random song that played on my ipod.

..."She is looking for love in all the wrong Places"...

This line def rang in my ears...and to my surprise when i woke up this morning at 4AM this line was playing over and over again in my head.



i know that i have been trying actively to put myself out there and to meet new guys (hoping that the next one will be better than the last).  But is it really paying off? i mean yea i have met some people...and things defiantly did not end up as expected...so what is a girl to do?

...Do i keep putting myself out there?...

...Or do i just give up and wait patiently for something else?...

 

Well for my friends that know me the best they could tell you that i am not very good at waiting "patiently" especially to things that i am very adamant about getting...if i want something i am proactive and i go get it. That has come with everything in life...my school...my current "career"...anything. but Love is the only thing i have not been successful with.

I have talked to several people and they said it will happen when you least expect it...but the problem is i am always expecting it. With each guy that i meet and start to get to know i go through a mental check list...of things i like and dislike...things that work and things that don't....and when things are looking up and in my mind things are going good...that is when things turn around and go in a different direction.

Love is defiantly a game and right now i know that i am losing big time....

*sigh* well at least i can put my focus onto other more important things.

...starting to study for the MCAT (again... :-/  )...

...traveling and spending time with the ppl most important to me (which i have been doing a good job at)

...and doing the things i love most...

so hopefully i can start to put my attention into other things to occupy my mind!

...YeEeE - hAw!...

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

yup...its true...I'm officially a cowgirl!

nope...i did not make this conclusion just because i was born and raised in the great state of Texas...i made this conclusion after i rode the bull at PBR in the Power and Light in KC last weekend.

well it all started when my girl in KC decided to win a free happy hour for her and her friends. so naturally i have some Friday nights off (from the bar and don't have to be up early on the weekends!) so i got off from the hospital at 1...went and worked out. took a shower...got dressed and packed an overnight bag...and sped to Kansas city!

got there around 6pm. met up with my girl and we headed to happy hour. at first I'm not gonna lie, i was slight worried how the night would turn out. but once all her friends showed up...plus a few of mine...it turned out to be an AMAZING night. it was well worth the trip! not to mention out of all the girls that rode the bull that night...i stayed on the longest! i learned a quick tip while waiting in line...its all in the hip/thighs...so naturally since i have been working out pretty hard the past few month, i knew that i was in the best shape to ride the bull ( minus the fact that i had already had a few drinks).

the crowd cheered for me...and so did my friends...and needless to say...now i can claim that i am a cowgirl! i only wish i had on my true cowgirl outfit...but i def fit in with my nice new sundress :-)

So needless to say the summer was off to a good start and so far has still been a good time. i just booked my ticket to go to NYC with another Friend in July...and making plans for Vegas in August. so far so good...i am upholding my plan to go somewhere fun at least once a month. cant wait to see what the other trips bring!

...BaCk In ThE dAy...

Thursday, June 9, 2011

while doing a little spring cleaning i came across something so small but yet it was such a big part of my years in high school...



This ladies and gents is my all access pass (no longer valid of course) to Body Works. the BEST (and yes i said it) the BEST work out facility that i have used (other than the MIZZOU Rec center...LoL)

This membership only cost me about $20.00 a month (or maybe $15.00...it was so long ago that i don't remember the exact price).  My home girl Ashley and i made this executive decision one summer afternoon while we were lounging at her house. we were not able to work out at school so we both set goals to work out over the summer to get "hot bodies"...LoL

To say the least we got our full moneys worth from our monthly membership. we were there almost everyday. and usually after we got off of work (we both worked at the same place so she had a car...i didn't...so naturally i would tag along). we would stay there for hours! and when i say hours i mean hours! we would get there at 9 or 10 pm sometimes and stay until 1 or 2 am. just working out...joking around with the ppl that worked there or the ppl that worked out there. it was somewhat like our spot to go and relax. don't get me wrong we def got a good workout in, but it was also a great place to socialize and meet new ppl. i met one of my best friends (Big Shawn) at Body Works and i also met my 2nd boyfriend (now ex boyfriend but we are still pretty good friends) there.

We would sit and make fun of ppl...poking at their outfits...or how they would walk around the gym not really working out but flaunting the "goodies" that they did have to all the old men there.  With the membership there was free tanning. naturally i did not use that feature, but my girl Ashley did.

Even to this day when i go home to visit we will make plans to meet up at the gym and workout. i would shower there after my workouts...they even had a little smoothie/snack bar that i have purchased many different items from.  The staff was always very friendly and welcoming, and it was also fun to play pick up games in the open gym. Granted Ashley and i were usually the only girls that would play...we were also the only girls that would usually get asked to play because we could actually bring a little competition to the floor. not only to each other but to the guys as well. there have been plenty of times either of us would cross over or shoot over a guy who was under estimating my skills on the bball court. and the court is where we would spend most of the time at the gym before or after our workout.

My high school years were not the greatest. especially towards the end. granted i was in the top 10% in my class with my grades...i was accepted and received dozens of scholarships from school...but my home life was not as lucrative as my academic life. I guess that is why i pushed myself so hard in school. i joined dozens of clubs and organizations just so that i would have something to do other than go home.  I was student body president and president of several other organizations. i competed on the UIL academic team and i was in all sports.  This ensured that i would have a chance to be gone almost every weekend, and the nights i was not staying late at school for an organization...i was working and saving up money for my future trip to college.

Like i said finding this old key ring pass was so small...but indeed had a huge impact on my life. i think Ashley knew somewhat the trouble i had at home so she defiantly helped me make the most of getting out and away with her. All those days and hours spent at the gym were much appreciated. and to this day we are still good friends.

*sigh* the old days...when i worked just to save up money and i dreamed about being in college and starting my own new life....well now that that portion of my life is accomplished...i guess i will work towards the next chapters in my life....it is just crazy how fast time has flown!

...My Mr.BiG...

Sunday, June 5, 2011

well for all you Sex in the City Lovers...you all know who Mr.Big is...
and if you don't....catch up here...

Well this morning...it has come to my attention that i have been cursed with my own Mr. Big...

the lucky gentleman to carry such a title?

...none other than the famous Mr. Rodeo Cowboy...

he will now be changed to...Mr. Big....LoL

i realized this only after a recent event...

last night, after work i decided to go up to the bar i work at and hang out...have a few drinks...and its inevitable that i will walk out of there without taking a few shots.

so as i am sitting at the bar joking around with the other bartenders...getting a little tipsy

so i decided (against better judgement) to send Mr. Big a text

it was kinda late and i know he usually goes to be early (just like i do...hence another thing that was good about our situation...not having to compromise sleep to stay up to chat)...so i got no reply

well this morning bright and early (because everyone knows i wake up early)

he sends me a text apologizing for not responding to me last night

ok...

1...if he did not care as much as he portrays then why send the apology...why not just let the conversation as it was with no reply at all...

2...we then carried on somewhat of a conversation after that like everything was normal...

3...the other night when we had small conversation i told him i had to go to bed...i said bye...he does the whole "goodnight" thing... which i have learned is not done by someone who "doesn't care" about the person he is talking to...

I just find myself being slowly drawn back in...the same way Carrie was drawn into her Mr. Big...

i mean i get on my high horse and i say" i don't need to fight or convince any man to be with me"....or "i wont beg any guy to hang out with me...if he likes me he will make the time"...

but with him i just have a soft spot for him...maybe it is the smile...or his personality...but i def need to get him out of my system!

No he has not done anything wrong or mean...but that is just it...he has not done anything at all.

leaving the situation between us just hanging in the air...just dangling...

what do i do...what do i say...what am i to expect?

that is the part that kills me...all the questions and thoughts that i have about it.

i am committed to moving on because i don't want to waste time where it should not be wasted...but some way...some how...he finds a way to just warm right back up to me like nothing happened...like nothing is wrong.

maybe its because for the first time in a long time he has alot of the qualities that i have been looking for in a guy. nice job. independent. a gentleman. tall. funny. awesome smile. dreamy eyes (and yes i said dreamy...LoL)...great conversation. the life of any party. and with him it felt like i did not have to try to impress him. that he just accepted me for me. even on those days my hair was all crazy or i was not in the mood to dress nice...he didn't see that. when he looked at me all he saw was the real me and nothing else. and to be honest i have never been in a situation where a guy has been that way.

when we started hanging out regularly i did not talk to or pursue any other guy. my friends know i may be talking to a guy but i always have a guy on the bench just in case i need him. but in this situation i did not have my bench warmer because my gut told me that i did not need one. the overall feel of this situation was different and so i treated as if something good was going to come from it. when guys would ask me for my number i would not give it out. i would say " well i just met someone and i want to try to see where it goes". NEVER in my life have i EVER done that before. well after the most recent events i have decided to flirt and give my number out...no set dates with any guys yet but what if i do get one. i mean i know it does not matter because we do not owe anything to each other but do i tell him?

so until i can figure out this crazy "friendship"...or whatever we want to call it

i guess I'm stuck with Mr. Big just like Carrie.

...oLd MaN...

Thursday, June 2, 2011

well today is June 2, 2011

i am working at the hospital this morning and just had quite the experience that i just had to share.

as i was about to leave my last patient for the morning...his neighbor (the hospital i work at has double rooms) summoned me to come to his bed.  He said he has to tell me something...so nicely i walk over to him and ask what he is needing with a pleasant smile on my face. as i approach this elderly man who looks to be bed ridden he says:

"God has done two things right in this world...He put the best Pus*y's (another word for Vagina) on Colored women, and he allowed me to see you this morning!"

OK as soon as i heard the words "vagina" and "colored women" my mouth instantly dropped...i was speechless...could not help but blink endlessly as i still could not believe what this random guy (who i did not know) just said to me...and as he finished his statement with "allowing me to see you" that is when i lost all control...i laughed hysterically as this old man  and he in return laughed with me. As i am walking out of the room thanking this guy for his words of wisdom he winks at me and we part ways...

needless to say i defiantly was not expecting this kind of surprise at 5AM on a rainy Thursday morning. 

but at the same time...i guess you can admire his humor....

So i guess the moral of today's story is that black women have the best vagina's? maybe i should call up or text a few of my ex's and see if they agree....LoL

...AnOtHeR oNe BiTeS tHe DuSt...

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

well world i would like to introduce to you Mr. Rodeo Cowboy...

i was hesitant at first to speak of this man...in hopes of me sharing my excitement and happiness with him would somehow jinx the great streak that we had going on...but what i have come to realize is regardless if i speak of him or not...things will go good...or things will go bad. But in this case i was defiantly hoping for the good....

Mr. Rodeo Cowboy (I call him this because he use to be a rodeo cowboy! now he is the PR manager of a company here in Missouri)...has graced me with his charm...his smile...his hilarious sense of humor...not to mention his generous tips for several months at the bar (this encounter started back in October of 2010 but the real story starts in January 2011).  One night at the close of my dinner shift Mr. Rodeo Cowboy

and his friends were there yet again ordering their usual buckets of beer and favorite cherry bomb shots.  As usual he flirts with me, encouraging me to come have a drink with them and hang out for a bit. So me being in the "dating" mood i once was in agreed. Previously before this instance i would have a shot then head home because i usually had to be up early the next day. But seeing as he had made a little more effort on this occasion i decided to stay.  Despite the fact that it was the Saturday night before Valentines day...i was excited to have someone actually show a genuine interest in me.  After small conversation (and of course flirting) Mr. Rodeo Cowboy decides to ask me what my plans were for the week. Well i did indeed had a date set for the next day but this guy had to cancel because of work (yea a usual thing for me and guys that are older than me). Putting heavy emphasis that i was looking to fill this now void and vacant time that i had set aside for a date...Mr. Rodeo Cowboy decided to ask me out on a date.

Mr. Rodeo Cowboy pulled out all the stops...came to pick me up...let me choose the place (after flirting and arguing over where we should go in the first place)...paid for the meal...and even at the end of the meal we spent quite a bit of time just hanging out and laughing. it was the first time EVER that i actually did not want a date to end. So as he walked me to my front door...and acted as if he wanted to kiss me...he didn't...gave me at first a hand shake...and then gave me a hug...and left me for the night.

well needless to say we went on SEVERAL other dates after that (none of which he tried to kiss me or overly bearing with affection) but there was still heavy flirting and indications of some type of possible connection between us. He even picked me up from the train station when i made it back from Chicago (when i was there for march madness).  After all of the "good morning/good night text"...all the dates....all the hanging out....after the finally awaited first kiss...all the drinks and shots at the bar...Mr. Rodeo Cowboy is turning to end up somewhat "like the rest of them".

Yes he is quite charming...and has the personality of someone who you would always want to be around no matter if you had a horrible day or not...he has a great smile and the conversation is never dull. He is tall, and has amazing eyes that you can get lost in. oh did i mention he is tall? LoL

Well recently i noticed a little distance with the "good morning/good night" text and overall conversations....actually the texts/conversations started to come less and less...my hints of me wanting to hang out would be replied with a "we will figure something out" instead of the actual set of day/plans like we use to. And when i would see him out at the bar he was not as friendly and would not flirt as much. And all i could ask was...why? what did i do (Again)? it seems like i cant keep someone around for longer than a few months...and that was the frustrating part.

Well me being me...i wanted to know. So as usual i send him a text after being somewhat ignored one night (not to mention he was flirting/hitting on a girl that was standing six feet away from where i was) .
i simply said..."hey, so there are a few ?'s i need to ask you and there are some things i want to say...i can text you, i can call you, or we can meet up and talk about it...your choice".  Well deep down i was hoping he would want to meet...but that was wishful thinking...instead i got this reply..."whats wrong"...i told him nothing was wrong. i was just confused as to what "this" was and wanted to know so we could be on the same page. i said i did not want to be expecting things from him if there was nothing worth expecting...i wanted to know if he was just trying to get after me to have sex (or to just mess around)...if he just wanted to be Friends...wanted friends with benefits...or if he was truly feeling me and was just super busy with his life and other things that were going on...i said regardless i just wanted to know...no hard feelings...i would respect him and not be mad for any reason he gave me....his reply..."i don't know...but you worry too much"...that was it...nothing else...

WTF!?!?

Ok now i was confused more than ever...and at this point slightly...no VERY annoyed...why couldn't i get a straight answer? i was putting it all out on the table...and just wanted to know what i was dealing with. I'm sorry but i have been trying so hard to find one person to connect with and one person worth spending my time with and for once...i thought i had found it...but i guess not.

So after this i defiantly started making my space...not really communicating with him (seeing as i was the one who recently has been initiating everything) and to be honest it feels good. i am learning to just distance myself for people who are just not worth the time or the worry. yes i was slightly hurt...and i think i got so upset one night that i may have teared up a little bit. But to be honest i am happy with who i am and my life right now and if i cant have someone who can be apart of that (with no games and not confusion) then i don't want that. I am so happy with me right now that i just want someone there dragging me down. I would worry about Mr. Rodeo Cowboy all the time...what am i doing wrong...or did i not do something right...and one day i realized that it was not me at all. that it was all him and there is nothing i can do about that.

well i did happen to drive by his house yesterday on my way to teach a workout session at the fitness center. not expecting to see him at all...it was perfect timing. he has just gotten home and was outside walking to the mailbox (and yes at that very moment he was waiting to cross the street i drive by) i could see him smile as i know he noticed my car...but all i did was ignore him. i felt kinda bad about it right after it happened...but then again why should i?

I'm defiantly learning to live and let go...and i think with Mr. Rodeo Cowboy i have just let go. I am so much happier now that i don't worry if he will call or text or if i will see him. and to be honest i enjoy my days so much more not having to worry. I realize this is a HUGE step for me because in the past i would not have let go so fast or so easy...so maybe there is hope for me after all...

but as for Mr. Rodeo Cowboy...see ya around...and don't be expecting me to give you VIP service at the bar anymore but PLEASE feel free to keep giving me those genrous tips!....LoL