Thursday, May 5, 2011
The past few weeks (well more like the last week and a half...) i have really been trying to get back to my fullest potential of something i call "Self Love"....fully loving me...going back to when i was in love with me and only me...put me first and no one else...being happy with me...depending on NO ONE but me...
i realize that sometimes i get wrapped up in the feeling like i need...or simply just craving the support and attention of someone else...mostly a male counterpart...and at times when i do not get that attention or support it makes me feel alone and not wanted...and times like now when i empower myself with "self love" no matter what the obstacle i am fine...happy...and empowered to just be happy about everything. i even turn things that annoy and bother me into something positive. i don't get vexed as easily. i just enjoy my day so much more!
i feel that when i am at my highest level of "self love" it radiates from me...you can see it in my walk...you can see it in my smile, you can hear it in my boastful talk. and when i finally reach this level i work so hard to achieve that is when it always happens... i start to meet guys and start to get back into that place where i don't want to be of putting others before me and craving their attention..needing and wanting them to help make me happy. but this time i will defiantly try to not relapse into that state. there are alot of things i want to try to do...keyword it TRY...LoL
1...i want to try to not complain as much. i realized that i complain alot. esp. on the days that i am tired. instead i will try to look for the good in the situation. example: recently i was having a issue with work...got really annoyed with people i work with and the overall environment...solution to my problem...i realized that in all actuality my current job(s) are temporary. i am currently working and striving to get to my next level...striving to become my own boss and play by my own rules. it motivates me to work harder to get to my goals. and i realized that at least i have a job. and to be grateful that i do have my job and a steady paycheck that comes in to pay my bills. because the truth is not everyone is as lucky as i am to be in the position i am financially esp. at my age and right out of college.
2...i want to try to see the good in people. some days i have a habit of just looking at people for what they appear to be. kinda like reading a book by its cover...and not more so of the type of person they really are. working at both of my jobs i learned that someone may be a little rough on the edges but could have a personality that is completely different from what it may appear. that is something i def need to work on.
3...being more business professional...i realize that at work i have gotten a little too comfortable speaking my opinion about things that happen. i know my honesty and bluntness rubs one of my bosses in a the wrong way but i enjoy being able to speak my mind and not being walked on. yes i may work for a hour wage but that does not make anyone i work with above me or beneath me. we are in fact equal and no one should have the right to talk down to me for whatever reason. i have 2 degrees and am working towards my masters...so yes i do have a big ego and when it gets tested so do my thoughts about how i feel and think about the people i work with. but like i said i need to work on how i say things while still expressing my thoughts truthfully. i am a very honest and truthful person and will remain that way. it is what i take pride in and i have no shame in keeping it real with ANYONE
4...learning to forgive...and somewhat forget...ok yes i am the kind of person that holds on to those mean words you once may have spoken to me out of spite. i am learning to be the "bigger person" in most recent situations. that may mean that i forgive you and i am over the situation at hand...but that does not mean that i totally forget. forgetting means that you win. i have fought too hard growing up to bow down gracefully in a fight. although i don't fight much...but when i do it is because i know i am in the right and have no reason to be in the wrong. a defense mechanism? maybe...does it deal with my ego? maybe...but more importantly its deals with the good ole saying (and one of my favorite quotes)...
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
and that is def a saying that i use daily. I do not like being made a fool of. it is a waste of my time and it is a waste of my energy. i could be focusing that time on something more productive (or wasting it on something more fulfilling). But in the end i do not give too many people a 2nd chance...and by god if you get a 2nd.. or even a 3rd chance...you better not mess up again because it def will be your last.
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