...LiFe...

Saturday, February 26, 2011



well Life NEVER EVER works out how you planned

the thing that i do not like the most is getting your hopes up on one certain thing...

having all these positive thoughts...

positive ambitions...

and then when that dosnt happen it is both a good and bad thing?

granted so far 2011 has been full of so many lessons for me.

i have met alot of people

i have already done so many things...

i am just waiting for the things i want the most

and it seems those are the things i have to work the hardest for!

something you would think would be so simple...so easy..

end up being not so easy and not so simple at all

i will say that again i am learning what it means to be patient...

and i keep telling myself...good things come to those who wait

song of the week:

 You Got It  _ By J. Cole

Hey, one time

hey, one time

one time

throw your hands to the sky tonight

cause I think I see the baddest lil thing in the World right now

but I gotta make sure I’m right

and girl you damn right, if your head right

I’ll be there every night

I just might change your life

cause baby…



you got it (you got it)

you got it (you got it)

you got it (you got it)

you got it (you got it)



Hey Cole World, real cold World

I watch it hit the floor and watch it drop it real low girl

last time I seen ya, you was a lil old girl

I had a crush now we grown and we still so thorough

clap for her, work it till you exhausted

I swear nothing worse than a bad bitch that lost it

brains off the chain, smart mouth with a dumb ass

God damn your ex man is a dumb ass

when you was leaving, did he put up a fight?

was he stressin’ you, wasn’t f-cking you right

well one man’s trash is another man’s treasure

one man’s pain is another man’s pleasure

one damn thing you can’t change is the weather

but even if it rain, we get rained on together

it’s whatever, you shine, I shine,

I know you got a 9-5 I’ll be your 5-9!



http://www.hotnewsonglyrics.com/j-cole-you-got-it-lyrics.html



Yeah, go ahead and pop it like you do in the mirror

I’m picking through the cloud tryna see a little clearer

high heel wearer, hell of a body

first one to spot ya and I aint telling nobody

nope, I’m peaking at your ass, winking at your ass

if I dont beg I’ll be thinking bout your ass

for the whole week no time for cold feet

she too bad to pass, so fine I dont speak

I tell her my name Jermaine, I’m tryna be lowkey

she tell me I go tthat flame, your rhymes are so deep

man, girl thank you, shit you so bad know your daddy wish he could still spank you

hold up for these other n-ggas roll up and try and get ya

the ones that say they riders but never do ride with ya

I’m tryna vibe with ya so wont you throw me your phone number

and let them lames get ya old number



Roc Nation, Wale



look, Cole World, still a cold world

and a couple ya is cool but we a little more thorough

whole town, a little more girls

you know I spit that sick shit and there’s still no cure

hold up, low packs like I got cancer

choking on them white boys make a black panther

love my women with high heels and high standards

and only cheat on my broad if I run out of answers

I got that vicious flow, Moncler winter coat

I aint superstitious I make all these broads flip my pole

you dig it, this shit aint for beginners

I’m something like a fetus, im not quite kidd’n

and theres something you aint seeing like I block your vision

like my Remy with no juice, you a lot like Bishop

hundred k in 22 hours

see money talks, you muthaf-ckers is Boomhower

no check back, in debt yep

loud in my J, I smoking (?)

higher than I need to be

flyer cause I need to be

love our conversation but it’s late right now, I need a beat

one time for the Ville that Cole rep

another time for the city of slow death

I dont understand why these n-ggas so vexed

I dont need no chains with no cross to know that I’m blessed



 

...TiMeBoMb...

Sunday, February 13, 2011

one week until chicago...and the concert!!!

old 97's....TimeBomb....prob my fav song so far :)

I got a timebomb, in my mind Mom.

I hear it ticking but I don't know why.

I call the police, but they don't like me.

I hear 'em whispering when I walk by.

I got a landmine in my bloodline.

I'm not immune to getting blown apart.

She's like a claymore, that's what she's there for.

She's waiting 'round here to get blown apart.

Having her on my brain's like getting hit by a train,

She's gonna kill me. Oh Celeste, oh Celeste.

I got a timebomb, in my mind Mom,

It's gonna go off, but I don't know when.

I need a doctor to extract her.

I got a feeling she'd get right back in again

I got a timebomb, in my mind Mom,

I got it badly for a stick-legged girl

She's gonna kill me, and I don't mean softly.

I got it badly for a stick-legged girl

Having her on my brain's like getting hit by a train,

She's gonna kill me. Oh Celeste, oh Celeste, oh Celeste.

...NeW pHoNe...

Saturday, February 12, 2011

well i did it...i finally got an upgrade...form this...

to this...

so far i am really happy. it is a HUGE step up from what i am use to.

i have only had it a few days and i am still trying to figure everything out...LoL

but so far no neg. things about it...now im gonna go play with my new phone some more...LoL

...eMoTiOnAlLy DiVoRcEd FrOm EvErThInG...

Saturday, February 5, 2011

goodmorning!
heard this song this morning and it just catches how i feel...if you have never heard it listen to it!
def one of my fav songs



"Numb" by Linkin Park




I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless lost under the surface

Don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)



[Chorus]

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you



Can't you see that you're smothering me

Holding too tightly afraid to lose control

Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

And every second I waste is more than I can take



[Chorus]

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you



And I know

I may end up failing too

But I know

You were just like me with someone disappointed in you



[Chorus]

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you



[Chorus]

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me to be



recently i have had a great mentality towards things...people...situations...that would once bother me...or make me upset...but for some reason ( and the help of a little prayer) i have learned to become emotionally divorced from EVERYTHING that is of little meaning to me...work...boys...life...i am trying to focus on the goal...the light at the end of the tunnel. i hope i can keep this attitude for a while b/c so far it def has helped me out the past week or so.

i found this pic...this pic is PERFECT to what has been goin on with my roomie this past week..and it just so happens that this is one of her fav quotes...LoL

...wEeK 5...NeW ReVoLuTiOn...

Sunday, January 30, 2011

...Let me introduce you to...

Grooveshark.com

well since i spend most of my days away in my own world i def need some tunes to keep me sane.

well in doing do i recently found out that Pandora has a time restriction on their accounts!!

i mean i do have more than one account but a friend recently told me about this...and i must say it is AWSOME

its like iTunes meets Pandora

you can choose a station that will randomly choose songs for you but you can delete the song from the que before it even play! no more "skip song" restrictions!!

you have TOTAL control over what you want to listen to, when and who! you can even move the songs around so you can hear it again!

here is what my grooveshark currently looks like...



you can type in a artist and all the songs they have on file for that artist you can que (at the bottom) and they will play. you can move the "songs" around to be played in a diff. order or to replay it later...or you can delete them...or add to it!

like i said you have TOTAL control over what, who , and when you listen to songs.
I must say this is what i have been praying for for quite some time now...
granted the radio stations are not as good as Pandora...but they def have more of a variety when it comes to the songs they choose to play on the stations. that is the big plus for me. they stick to the genre (not that Pandora didn't do that...but they did tend to wonder in a diff direction sometimes...)

so if you find yourself running out of Pandora minutes on your account you can always create another account (like i did...LoL) or switch b/w grooveshark and Pandora (like i currently do now!!)

...AuToCoRrEcT...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

ok so i found this AWSOME website...

seriously if you are ever having a bad day and need a good laugh i def would bookmark this site and go to it...i def cry laughing each time i visit the site (which is seriously almost everyday...LoL)

...Here are a few entries that i want to share with you for just a preview...

i must say...they are pretty funny!

Thank you

http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/

for making me laugh when i need it the most!

...WeEk 4...DiFfErEnT pEoPlE...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

well it is Sunday...
one more week down!

today's blog title is inspired by No Doubt's song "Different People"...
the perfect title to describe how i am feeling.

Well needless to day this past week was NOT as exciting as the week before.

didn't get to hang out with any guys, worked my butt off b/w my two jobs, research, and a anatomy class i decided to sign up for ....

well i did indeed go to see the "basketball coach"...his team had a home game so it was only a 45 min drive so i went. it was alot of fun...it was really hard to stop looking at him and to pay attention to the game! LoL
i am strongly attracted to him! i cant put my finger on it, but i am...and it drives me insane!

"med school" came over Thursday Friday night for a little bit. he has been busy studying for classes and test so communication has been very limited. it was a nice gesture for him to want to stop by.  not sure of the motive behind his visit but needless to say it was good to see him and joke around. i am strongly attracted to him as well.  i mean at first i wasn't! i had let all the bad things that ppl had said about him kind of taint my own preconceived thoughts about him ...but after hanging out he is pretty nice. i can tell that he has been through alot...but we haven't "gotten to know each other" yet....not sure when/if that will come,...but we shall see.
i think i am just attracted to well educated black men...LoL...it is clear that he is well educated (he is in med school!) but just our conversations and the way he talks....*sigh*....yea....ill stop now...LoL

"the rock man" i haven't gotten to see! he has been busy working 10 hour days, and weekends he is off limits due to the fact that he has a son and gets his son every weekend. not to mention the weather hasn't helped either. we did have a conversation. he said that he really enjoyed spending time with me and knew he had a crazy life and didn't want that to affect how i felt about him.  and i was sure to make it clear that it didn't as i too have a very busy life...so we shall see what this next week brings...

the other day i sat down and thought about ALL of the guys i have come across in my life...
some better than others...
some leaving more of a mark in my mind than others...
and lets just say i have kissed alot of toads....LoL

ok ladies i will share what i have learned so far about a guy...

• if he says "yea ill call ya later/tomorrow/sometime"....DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP!!! even if you like him alot...you can get excited if he actually calls you in a decent amount of time!
• there is a HUGE grey area when it comes to that weird stage of when you first met and you have been hanging out for a while...best way to clear it up is ask....some guys will be honest...and if a guy is seeing other ppl i have learned that alot of them will hide it b/c they know that girls like to be the one and only....you will get lucky and get the guy who will keep it 100% truthful and flat out tell you...
• take something from each relationship!! good or bad. i know that i try to take something from each guy that i have met. there is a lesson there...you just have to sit and think about it
• if a guy likes you (and even some of the really good players out there may do this as well) they will pull out all the tricks to impress you!
• some guys like to lie...the problem is trying to figure out when they are lying and how to handle it when you find out they lie...me i am not the type to just keep my mouth shut so i just ask or call them out on it. i have met MANY men who lie about alot of things (their job...money...things they have done...things they have done) not sure why...i guess to try to impress me...but lying about small stuff that doesn't matter is stetting you up to be disappointed when something major happens....
• i am naive...i don't know why...but i just am.  and i think some guys can pick up on that.  lucky for me i had men in my life who were players and played the game very well...so i was able to see/know the signs of what to look for when a guy isn't being quite truthful....you ask for a example? ok well this one guy one day says to me "hey I'm pulling up to my moms house i just wanted to call and say hello...she doesn't like when i come over and i am on my phone"...this covo would happen oh around 8 or 9 PM...and usually when he was in his car driving someone. after this the only time i would get a call was when he was at the grocery store...at work on his lunch break...or these small 5 min "check in" phone calls when he was "driving to his moms house"...very notable and possible he is telling the truth?...but weeks before that he would always talk to me when he was at his moms house...no matter what...weeks later...i found out he has gotten another women pregnant and they have been "staying with each other" for sometime...

i have many more examples of crappy things that have happened to me...i seriously could write a "how to avoid crappy guys" book...
now i am able to spot the bullshit (pardon my french)
at this point i am all about finding what i want. if you are here to waste my time then move on! i don't have time for the lies or games...and usually when/if i write them off and they done attempt to come back its a sign that i was right to do so.  b/c in that one instance if you write someone off and they really want me...they will keep working and trying to get my attention...

i mean these things i have observed and seen could be false and i could be totally wrong...but i have seen a pattern and have stuck with my instincts and it has proven me right every time.

so until i am done with this journey of finding "someone"....i guess i will have to keep trying...keep "playing the game"....and keep learning.

so if anyone has any advice...I'm all ears!!

...WeEk 3...

Saturday, January 15, 2011

well i woke up this morning feeling happy...euphoric...and felt as if i was walking...no dancing on the moon!

this has been an amazing week! it was a long week indeed...but yet a good week...

ok lets recap on the week

SUNDAY

well the bowling date was AWESOME...
of course i was a nervous wreck all the way up until i walked into the place.
got there, took a deep breath and walked in...
he was there...i could just see this hint of surprise in his eyes when he saw me...but in a good way
needless to say we bowled several games and sat and talked for a bit after we played.
he was very nice and such a gentleman.
we laughed and joked around and just had a great time.
he has me giggling and smiling the whole time.
bowling was a great idea and I'm so happy we got to finally hang out.
he is like the EXACT height as me...but i can work with that...LoL
no first date pressure with a kiss or anything. just a nice hug and he called me when he made it home so i knew he made it home safe (it is like a 45min drive for him)
the competition of bowling and actually being able to focus on other things other than the other person so with me being so nervous i enjoyed being able to relax and have fun.

but overall it was a great date! i seriously had alot of fun and i just cant wait until we can plan to set something else up. he is a really nice guy. he is super busy with bball games and stuff (which i can totally understand) so hopefully when that dies down we can hang out a little more. :)

MONDAY

well this was the dinner date at LaPachanga.
well the only thing was that it decided to start snowing earlier that day so by 6:30 the roads were awful and so i was expecting to cancel...but he was still eager to meet and have dinner. so we met up.
to my surprise ( i mean i was happy about the date but not as excited about the Monday date...just being honest) i had ALOT of fun. he has me laughing the whole time and the conversation was amazing. he was very engaging and we sat and talked for a while. he too lives pretty far away but still drove into town just to meet for dinner. so that was very nice of him!

overall...this was a surprising good date! had a great time and had a great conversation. the date was alot of fun.  needless to say i hung out with him the next day (b/c he had a snow day) we just hung out and watched movies...and we also hung out on Thursday...alot? I KNOW! LoL but its in a good way. it was fun. he def knows how to make me laugh and is good at the conversation and is very respectful. he is very blunt and forward (which is good).  he has a son. which is why he is busy on the weekends .  which is understandable.  you can tell that his son is his world (which is a good/important thing) but may be having a little bit of "baby mama drama"....but i don't know he is kool to hang out with...so I'm excited to see how this ends up.

MONDAY NIGHT


Well Monday night...after my dinner date i went to go give my friend a ride home. she was hanging out with a bunch of KCOM students. so when i went to get here...there was a guy there.
ok this guy...
i had seen around before...several times.
he would say hi sometimes and ignore me other times...
have heard horror stories from friends about his arrogance, and his attitude about life (and non stop stories of how he was in the navy...LoL) so my image of him was not too bright at this point...
so i guess when he realized who i was and that i was not in high school he def was putting the moves on...
flirting...finding any chance to ask me a question or get my attention...
well we become "friends on facebook"
well he then later sends me a message saying he really wanted my number...so i gave it to him
well on wed. he invited me to his bball game (b/c he claims he is a hoop star...LoL)
got there just at the end of the game b/c i had class...
he walks me to my car...
...and asks me on a date...
so i say to myself...why not...i have no reason to say no.
so Friday night (last night) he comes over and we watch a movie
surprisingly (yes yet again) i had alot of fun!
we watched a movie and just chatted...it was fun.
got to know him a bit...
so...no plans to hang out again yet...but I'm sure we will...LoL
for some reason it seems he is very attracted to me or my personality...or both...who knows...LoL

i had to cancel my other date that i was suppose to have Tue. b/c of the snow :( i kinda don't want to go now b/c i fell i have my hands full already with these other guys!!! but who knows what will happen...

Well despite all my dates...got reg. for my MCAT
cleaned up my room
got back in my routine
getting back on the ball with research
and just doing good with trying to plan out the next year.
in gonna take life by the day and just see what i am given.
i am happy for all the things i am given and i appreciate all the opportunities i am given

i am giving myself two months to nail something down as far as a relationship...
with all these prospects there has got to be at least ONE good guy that will want to stick around for the long run...LoL

oh dont worry...ill keep you posted...

...WtF...

Sunday, January 9, 2011

yes WTF...that is the word for the day children
no it dosnt mean Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...
it means...WHAT THE F**K...
and i woke up and that as the first thing that came to mind...

it didnt come to mind because i had to wake up at 4:30 AM (after getting home from working at the bar @ 2:30 AM...dont worry i had a mini nap yesterday before i went in...)
and it also didnt come to mind because it was ZERO degrees outside when i went to get into my car...

it came to mind because i realized i have my date today!!! at 5:00 pm....WTF!?!? LoL

i mean this is a good thing. this is just my first "Real" date in a looooooong time...
guys im gonna give you a little insight to what girls think about/go through during a time like this...

My Outfit:
ok yes since i made the date i have been thinking in the back of my mind what i wanted to wear...made sure it was clean and ironed...but to my suprise last night when talking with this lucky gentleman we decided to go bowling instead of dinner (who knows we may grab dinner after bowling...that would be a nice thing!)

so this then made me have to rethink my whole outfit!! not to mention i wont have time to try on things and make sure i look the way i want to because i get off at 3:00 pm...bar emplyee meeting at 3:30...those last a hour...oh did imention i have to be at the date at 5:00pm!!?! LoL

ok now i have to keep in mind i have to wear a black/dark top....b/c im gonna be honest when i get nervous i tend to sweat (in my underarms) alot!! LoL...hey im gonna be honest! so i cant wear a light top b/c then i will have HUGE pit stains and then have to cover them with my jacket and then i will get hot...etc...etc...LoL yea i could go on for a while with that one...

oh now since i cant wear what i wanted to i have to decided on good bottoms. i mean yea there is the possibility that he will check out my azz while i am bowling or walking away...so i dont want to wear anything too tight to see slutty/skanky...but i want to wear something comfy and fitting and cute/sexy...not to mention i will be wearing bowling shoes...so i cant wear my skinny jeans b/c i have huge clown feet (i wear a size 11 in womens/9.5 or 10 in mens...yea i am tall and have big feet...i have learned to live with it...LoL) so i will have to wear some jeans that will cover the shoes just right so that i dont have huge clonkin feet the whole night...i mean i know he wont be looking at my feet..BUT i will be thinking about it all night...which will make me nervous...and will make me sweat...see guys its a cycle! LoL


The Place:
ok i am glad we are not having dinner to just sit down. i mean dinner is nice but i am a wreck right now (hence the rambling on my blog! LoL) and doing an activity is way better! it will keep me somewhat busy...allow for time to think of topics to talk about...allow room to be fun and flirty...it was just a great idea for the first meeting...plus i love bowling...im not good but it will make for a fun time!

ok the fact that we are MEETING at the location is great! i had a stalker situation in the past so this makes me feel really comfy about the meeting location.

All Other Things:
well my hair was anothet thing to worry about...but that is just b/c its my hair and its hard to do (im still learning...) and the fact that i have a HUGE time cruch dosnt help either. so im gonna have to be speedy gonzalez when i get off...rush home...shower...do my hair...go to the meeting...come home and change and freshen up...then onto the date :)

needless to say i am super excited and i cant wait. we talked last night when i got off of work for a bit and i just get so lost in our conversations. if i enjoy texting/talking on the phone i hope i enjoy actually hanging out with him! so we shall see...i will keep you updated :)


Side Note
can i please say that "when it rains...it pours"!?!?
not only do i have a date tonight (the only date i am SUPER excited about) i have one tomorrow night @ 6:30 for dinner with a guy that i met at work...and i have another date tue @ 4 for dinner...oh did i mention some guy haggled me ALLLLLLL night last night while i was at work for my number so we could "go on a date" this week....WTF!?!? yup...another reason why this is the word of the day. i mean i am flattered but dang can a girl get a little rest!? LoL this is gonna be a fun/exciting/busy week. i am excited to see what comes of it and to see how these date(s) pan out. this is def a record...4 dates...4 diff guys...one week. i may be gettin in a little over my head...but we will take it one day at a time...

 

wish me luck...who knows...this may be the last date(s) that i go on with with random guys for a while :) something to be hopeful about!

...WeEk 2...

Saturday, January 8, 2011

well this is the 2nd week in the year 2011

well lets do a review....

so far...

all i have done is set a new workout/working schedule for the next few months....

i have set alot of short term goals...

cleaned my room!!...

cleaned out my car!!...

and set two dates :)

one date is with "the coach"

...he is a bball/track coach of some young teens in this area.

...we set this date back in dec right before i left for xmas

...and i am happy to say that the date is still on!

...we are to meet tommorrow night for dinner or something

...he is to call me later tonight with detail...

i will admit i am SUPER excited!!

this guy def has caught my attention

he is good looking, very into his health (works out which is a biiig thing to me since i do it) and he has a job and goals.  he is able to actually carry on a REAL conversation about things other than sports and i am happy to say he has not made one sexual reference at all! LoL this is a HUGE plus as well. i mean there is a time and place for that and im happy it hasnt come up yet.

the other date is with "the firefighter"

...we are gonna meet up on tue for dinner

...not as excited for this date as i am for the one tomorrow.(harsh...but im being honest)

...he has goals...but he might be a little too much/too goofy

....mentioned he likes to pick out girls clothes...RED FLAG...he may be too "metrosexual" for me..

...i mean i love a man that can dress his azz off but i def dont want to compete on who will look better when we go out...LoL...

...but needless to say i am excited about a real date...

...just trying to move in the right direction slowly

im hopeing this journey will end soon

i am ready to just "settle down"

i am ready to just not worry about what date i have on which day and i def do not enjoy juggling guys. its annoying and tiresome when i have to keep "getting to know" different people. i just want to spend my time focusing on ONE person and just grow from there...

like i said i am def learning the true meaning of patientents...and i keep trying to tell myself..."good things come to those who wait" :)



http://www.lakeridgeumc.com/



when i was at home at church my pastor in his sermon spoke about a Serenity Prayer. it really spoke to me. i want to share it and i really want to get it framed so i can see it everyday and use it everyday when i need help/guidence from the Lord:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the thinks I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.”

HTML Generator

hope that someone else may like it and hope that it touches someone else as it has touched me :)