Monday, June 23, 2008
Well i would have to honestly say that i am a happy person...care free...thankful for all the little things that life blesses me with. But i mean everyone is allowed to be sad once n a while...right?
i thought i found happiness...but some days those things that i found to be so comforting are starting to turn sour. thats why i question if i am trying to turn water into wine or build a 3 course mean outof rocks and mold...(weird ref...i know but that was the first thing that popped into my head...LoL)...
i would honestly say that i am over my ex...yes we dated for 2 1/2 year...and yes my heart was broken...that is something i NEVER want to go thru again. I think the thing that kills me the most is to see him so happy (yes only 3 months after we broke up...a little fast for someone to b so in love with me right? maybe i am just weird but i think that was kinda fast...) i guess deep down all i want is to be happy. and when i say happy i mean with a male partner happy. i find enjoyment in all the little things i do in life, but when i lay down each night to go to sleep i want someone to call and say good night to...or to say "i love you" again...or even to get random emails or text thruout the day of him telling me that he misses me or cant wait to see me later...i haven't had that n a while and i honestly don't know when/if i ever will....when i meet a guy i want them to like me for me..and i think at times i try to hard. if i let u in i let u in fully and i guess i expect the same of the other person but that is not the case...if you are gonna be busy or wont have time to sit and text/chat like we usual do let me know...that way my mind wont wonder with the 101 different thoughts that will run Thur my mind until i hear from you 2 days later...and why do i always have to send the first line of communication...can i get a "good morning and hope you have a good day text"? these things my ex did and i miss...but when i look back on him and what he stood for as far as me...i don't think it was meant to be...yes that was hard to see at first Thur all the questions and tears but i later saw that...i don't want someone who isn't going to be there for me 110%...and i don't want someone to make fun of or down things that i have a interest in...u don't have to like or enjoy it but u can support me...the list goes on...i guess god hasn't put him in my life yet...maybe he has and i just don't know it...but i think I'm just ready to settle down and just have that one person to go to...i want to love again...yes i still believe that love doesn't exist b/c i have yet to truly see it...if you love someone it is everlasting and you will do anything for that person and always be there for them no questions asked. i do get that love with my sorority sisters b/c i know that if i called one of the right now needing something they would be by my side...but with a MAN...i haven't found it yet...i guess some ppl are just wrapped up in their own lives to include someone else right now...i try to be patient but someday/nights it gets hard...esp every time i log into my myspace or facebook and see on my mini feed "i love you" or "me and my baby" pictures...it hard to avoid and i will always be there until i find that type of happiness again...i wish god would give us hints to what ppl or what things he is going to put n our life...but i guess if he did that we would not learn the lessons and do 1/2 the things that we do now...*sigh* oh well...maybe one day....hopefully sooner than later...or maybe its just the good lord saying I'm not ready yet and i haven't fully healed...that could b it b/c i think Ive found a wonderful person but at times i just don't know what to think....i need to study more...maybe it will keep it off of mind...
until next time.....
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