...CoNFeSsIoNs...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Over this past week i had some young ladies tell me how much they envied me....
I have my new job, i am working towards my masters...
i know what i want to do with my life (go to med school and become a doctor)...
I am very social and i have tons of friends...
that my family seems very supportive (their facebook comments on my new modeling pictures)...
plus a whole list of other things...

I smiled and thanks them.  But then i told them to not be envious of me.  I told them to not look at my life and compare it to theirs.  They need to create their own life.  They need to accomplish their own accomplishments. Yes i have a lot going for myself, but my life's path is not going to be exactly like theirs.

Yes i am a very confident person.
...but i was not always this way.  Getting this confidence came with a lot of struggle, a lot of heart ache, a lot of self finding, and a lot of loving.  I had to learn to love myself.  And that is something that took time and patience.  I did not have the best childhood.  People ask me all the time why i came to Missouri to get away from Texas.  Of course i give them the cookie cutter response "oh my college is a great school! i got some amazing scholarships, and i wanted to experience a new culture!" yes that is true, but the other half of the story is that my family was torn apart...home did not feel like home anymore...and i wanted to move away to start fresh. to start a new life and to grow as a new person.  no i was not running away from home and all the problems that came with being back in Texas...i was running away from the hurt and negativity.  I am glad that i did because it has been one of the best decisions of my life.

yes i have goals. i know what i want to do with my life
....but it was not always that way...Yes at a young age i knew i wanted to be a doctor.  i got to shadow a doctor for a career day type of thing at school and instantly fell in love.  It was indeed love at first sight.  since then i have dedicated my time and efforts into doing what i need to do to get to medical school.  Getting to college...things were HARD! yes high school was easy but college def made me re-think what i wanted to do with my life.  I was so lucky and blessed to meet/shadow the doctors i did to help reassure me of what i wanted to do with my life.  i got the job at the hospital to be a reminder of what i wanted to work towards.  I did not get into med school after applying the first year...after dropping $100's of test fees and applications fees i still did not give up.  i tried again for a 2nd year...still did not get in.  but then i realized a lot of my peers were not getting in either.  so i had to re-vamp the road i wanted to take to get to my success.  Yes it happened by luck (finding my research and working towards my masters) but i found it.  and when i am done with this it is almost a sure thing that i will get into medical school.

yes i am social and i do have many different circles of friends...
...but it was not always that way!...in grade school i was very shy and quiet.  i did have  few friends...and to be honest i am still friends with a select few to this day.  i went to a private christian school for part of high school.our class size was in the low 20's.  so naturally we were all friends.  i left that place and went to a public school. i met some of my close friends there.  it was not until i went to college that i started to develop and become more social.  granted joining my sorority did help.  but i grew to learn that i was a natural born leader! i started some organizations on campus not to mention i help high positions of authority in other organizations .  But with time and putting myself out there i was able to meet more people and to grow relationships with many different types of friends.

yes my family NOW is very supportive of me and what i do...
...but it was not always that way...when i first decided to move to Missouri my dad at first tried to bribe me to stay in Texas.  as you can see that did not work.  and to be honest i only had a select few people support and push me to make the big move to a new life.  my brothers even made a bet on how long it would take me to move back home...and now 7 years later i am still in Missouri...LoL 
As with all families, no family is perfect. with time and people growing you learn to get along and grow together as a family.  now i would say my family is the closest it has ever been.  but like i said it took time and learning and many many many talks/discussions (or arguments...LoL).

Being single for so many years, the past few years were hard on me.  I saw so many friends meeting guys, getting engaged, getting married. now they are having children and their families are growing.  I had to learn to be OK with that and not be bothered by it.  I needed to learn to love myself and my life before i could bring anyone else into my life.  I guess maybe that is why i seem so put together now.  I learned how to love me.  From the scars on my face, to my curly nappy hair, to my big feet, and my wide smile.  I love every inch of me and every aspect of my life.  Yes sometimes it does bother me to see friends in medical school and almost done with school...but i am on this path for a reason.  with patience and hard work i will get to where i want to be.

although it was nice to see/hear people envy me and my life...but what they don't know is that it was not always this "good".  Everyone has to work on their own journey and not focus so much on someone Else's. once i figured that out things just started to fall into place.

p.s. don't forget...please check out my new project!! :-)