...NeW sH*t...

Saturday, April 10, 2010

well i was working out and this song came on by drake. its called My New Sh*t. it has a really nice beat and i was feeling the lyrics...and then part of the lyrics jumped out at me...

"you say u sophisticated but college hill is something you still Tivo then u switch the vibe and listen to L D vo or maybe D M P i tribe called Quest but when u called too much then i called less u would always complain bout my small text what you call conversation i call stress and that put a barier between both of carriers and i would be like i aint gattin service in your area u be like nigga get your bars up i just string you along like i was tuning guitars up i know that was wrong i think that this is fate you took out those exstensions and lost you a little weight your booty lookin bigger and i think that shit is great a fresh start is in order let me take you on a date take you on a date i used too think u play to much but i'd rather go deaf then lose touch "

this is the 2nd verse after the chorus...and i guess it helps to put my mind @ ease as to why i get the 2nd degree sumtimes...so i duuno...like i said it puts my minda @ ease. it def speaks to me.

i can honestly say i feel so much better. i find myself turning to the Lord alot more and it find comfort in that. i would in the past just stay angry...bottle it up...or just channel it to my activities...but now i take more time to pray and to sort these things out with God. i know that i do not understand everything that is going on right now, but one day i will. one day i will finally see where this path i am on will lead me.

brandon is getting upset. i am emotionally turned off to him and that is not my fault. he pushed me to feel that way and now gets upset..i just dont have the emotonal strenght or the time to deal with him...and i am just ready to move on...but i know he isnt...i dont know...i have felt this way for a while and have expressed that. it is clear by the last few guys that i have talked to...and struck out with. at first i would feel like there is something wrong with me...like i have a anti-man repellant on that weeds off all the "good" guys that i meet ( i put that in "" b/c to me they seem good but God may not feel that way as it is clear that they are not in my life right now)

men are a horrible parallel. the older men...yes more establish, know what they want, more driven and have the experience...but the ones i meet are work-a-holics....more into their work and making $...i mean i am the same way but i feel like there is a balance...if you want it bad enough...
young men are another story...they are young...still learning things, not as established...sometime more fun....it just a def noticable diff....there is a balance b/w the both...i guess i just hav not found him yet. i still have so much to do and so many places that i can end up and so many more things to learn. that is what gives me hope and keeps me enthusiastic about my future. the possibility of something better...i know it is out there and i know i will get it at the right time...

i remain hopeful...excited...enthusiastic...and enlightened...i am happy and blessed. i cant wait to see what the Lord unfolds in my life. that is what keeps me going. knowing that i am suppose to be more and do more and do his work. i am a servent unto him and i cant wait to be able to use my talents to make a difference and actual do things of meaning in my life (not to say that i havnt already...but i know that i can do alot more and touch many more ppls lives).

i havnt drank in over a month. i havent had fast food or frenchfries in almost 3 months (i know!!! even after lent was over!!!) i am doing good. i feel good...back on a regular work out plan...and all is good. :-)

................until next time..........