Friday, September 18, 2009

***listening to biggie smalls juicy****
i want to start by saying ....SiGh....
that is the kind of past few days that i have had...
1. had the MCATS on the 12th....got back on thr 13th to work, left the night of the 13th to leave for new hampshire to take jennifer to school
2.spent the weekend on the east coast spending ALOT of $ with jennifer getting stuff ready for school. i am SOOOO sad that i changed my ticket and did not stay longer so that i could actually see the school and help her. but it is ok. i will go back soon. i just think i miss her and worry about her way to much with her being so far away. but we talk so much now thruout the day that it def puts my mind 2 ease. i am excited and worried about her but i know she will do great and have alot of fun. i just think about all of the things taht i did during my freshman year and WOW...LoL...but i am happy she will finally get to grow as a person and meet new people and best of all she is out of Lubbock! not to say lubbock is bad but i feel that one needs to get away so that you learn and experience the world outside of west texas. i did it and i would nto change it for the world!
3. so jack is in jail...i tried to help but he has a 2 diff problems and he has a bond but will not be set free b/c he has a theft charge and can not be released....so i will try to send him a letter. i know he is just caught up in a web of trouble in Lubbock and wish he would have gone when he had the chance. i know that he is not happy there and he 2 needs to leave and grow by himself and he can only do that when he is not in lubbock. i cant wait until he can finally get away. until them as a friend i will try to help and support him. what are friends for right?
4. it is shaws bday on the 16th....and he is feelin the age...LoL he has called me a zillion times! but i guess he just misses me. i do miss him. he is like family and we def look after eachother. but its ok i know he will make the right choices and will enjoy his bday without me.
5. AKA...LoL...its actually not bad!!! i enjoy it and the Neo's def make this year so much more enjoyable and i found that love that i once had for the orginization. so that is good. i still hate the negative people that are around us but what can you do? just getting ready for the stepshow...after that i will be free! LoL
6. talked to him last night...he said he missed me :) yea i know!!!! i was in such a sock when he said it that i asked what he said...and he happily repeated it! LoL...but i def like him and again im taking each day for what it is. just cant wait to set a date 2 see eachother so that i can look forward to something....
7. work....AHAHAHAHAH! LoL
i do work alot...but when i think of school...bills...jennifer...i just dont want to take the time off b/c i want to be able to provide and pay for things that i need/want. so until i get things taken care of i will be on the grind in the classroom and at work :-/
8. club ball.........i lost the battle. i am now a general memeber. :-/ it was heartbeaking. i was not even given a fair chance to run for a position. but after many attempts i still was not granted my request and shal remain that. i am the founder...CEO...this team is my baby and now i have to setp back and it is so hard for me. but maybe it will be a good thing. now i can focus on other things ...hmmmm just maybe....
with that i just feel that "people" who that are apart of it should have talked to meinsted of making decisions. this week has def made me loook at the people who "come" to me...they say one thing to my face but what do they say when i am away? i am not going to please ppl anymore. i am on my own *ish now and i just am tired of trying to keep the peace. i will now become the a*s hole who will just be on my own agenda...oh well....its time to do me!
these past few days have def been a rollercoaster ride for me. i have never felt so many emotions all at once. i just dont want them to get the better of me. you know how i am about my emotions and my feelings. but its ok. glad to be alive. blessed to be here and to see each day!
last week pastor bill talked about in his sermon things such as "our plans" and the lord messing them up. but are our plans really his plans? we ask him to bless us and grant our wishes but never focus on what he might possible want us to do. and i am trying to figure that out now what he is wanting me to do rather than just what i want to do...each day is a lesson learned.
....................until next time.................

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