....LuSt...oR sUmThiNg MoRe?....

Friday, November 21, 2008

Well that has been a question on my mind the past few days...

"him" ...(who will still remain nameless...LoL gotta keep this one on the low b/c im not sure where its going yet...and i today just chilled...i took a "PJ" day (which is a day where i dont go to class...i dont do anything! i lay around and enjoy the day in my PJ's...gotta have my alone time!) it was so nice! yesterday he has an AMAZING game...im pretty sure that i was more excited about his game than he was...LoL..he got to start and he wasleading with pts! (19 pts!)

its at this point is whn i question alot of things....i honestly am happy and i enjoy the time that we do get to hang out...but like with the past things to me seem fine and then all of a sudden things just turn bad...i dont like it! and i keep gettng flash baks to "the others"...its just not good...i think whats makin so bad is the fact that iam really starting to like him but i honestly just do not want to get thrown to the side again..i honestly cant take something like that again. i really cant. but...i will just take it for what it is right now and just keep wakin up each day and hopin for the best to come of each day.

but until then...hewill still be my cowboy....LoL

school sux! i am sooooo tired of this semester...and i dont know what im gonna do with my life...which is even worse...i just dont like not knowing what i m gonna do or having a plan at all...its NO FUN...but i am working on it and hopefully i will find something out soon...

...............until next time..............

......SiGh.... :)

Friday, November 14, 2008

Well today...on a scale b/w one and 10 woould have to be a 7 or 8. Nothing exciting happened today, but i did get to wake up next to "him"...LoL we got to cuddle...might i add he did steal the covers last night leaving me cold, i just enjoy sleeping next to someone and having someone there. Im really getting use to "him" and i hate to admit it but i am starting to really like "him" too...not sure if that is in the "rules" or not but it is happeneing. i am trying my hardest to not get too emotionally attached b/c of what happend last time. i put so much into things with ray and look what happened. not to say that he will do that to me i just cant take that again. i just need a break i need something good. i need and want to be happy.

Classes such....havnt gotten into med school yet...but i am still looking at other options. i just hate the idea of me not being in med school next year. now i have to waste a year on school other than med school...but i dunno maybe it will be a good thing. right now school is hard for me b/c i am not motivated to do anything right now...LoL the semester is almost over but still...its just hard! im worn out!

we have our first bball tournament tomorrow! we have Mizzou, SIUE, and a team from illinois commin down. i am really excited! i hope that we win but i am also just excited to see how it goes.

Well im sure you already know that everyone knows, we have a BLACK president (yea this blog is late but i still have to talk aboutit). yes it is a big deal and i am just glad that i was able to witness it. i pray for him and his family saftey! but it is a great thing and the first lady is an AKA! :) the first and the finest! LoL...but yea just had to make that side note.

weeeeelll i am gonna surf the net some more and just get some stuff done..im at work and things are NICE :)

.......until next time.....

......No MoRe SoRrOw....

Sunday, November 2, 2008

well it is offical!!!! i am done...and but of couse this will be last time i wright about it...
so i look on facebook and ray is in a relationship...LMAO...ok thats fine and all so i text and ask him you know hey is there something weird with me b/c you kept telling me that you were "busy" and selfish" but clearly u were not too busy to b talkin to this girl right? he says...i lost interest...ok that is all fine and dandy than why did he not man up and tell me that shit a while ago? LoL yea...but its kool...i for sure wasnt trippin....esp after i saw what she looked like....i mean i feel better knowing that he had to "down grade"...i mean in my opinon thats whatit looks like...i guess she could hav a great personality and maybe she can offer him things i cant...but u know...no loss to me...

me and "him" hav been hanging out alot latly...i guess thats why i dont even care anymore. i mean yes this whole this is completly unexected and came out of no where, but i do enjoy it. its fun and give me something to look forwerd to everyday. not to mention we spend the night with eachother 5 out of the 7 nights out of the week...LoL nice to just have someone to keep ya warm you know....but yea...

our week of service starts tomorrow! im excited and just ready to ge tit over with!!!!! LoL

about 5 more weeks of school left! so gotta stay focused and motived to make it to the end! thats the hard part...staying motivated...but ill keep trying....we will see how it end up :)

well had a few sec to write...so i did....will be back soon!

.............until next time!..........