....iCe BoX...

Sunday, August 24, 2008

well this will be the LAST time i talk about this...personally i am just sick and tired of being sick and tired and when that happens all i want to do is talk about it. so here goes...


i sent ray a letter. i was just askinghim basicallt if he had lost interest and why he has failed to do some things or make more of an effort in general. his reply...he is busy. "he is working in 2 careers" with that being his real job and his music thing. he was hoping that things would have settled down by now so that he could pursue things further with me. i am not a bother to him, but at the same time i am not that important. so my worst fear did not come true. i figured that it was someone else or he just lost interest completly. but to some extent he has because if he was as interested as he use to be than he would make more of an effort when it comes to me and him. I do really like him, i really do...but i guess all i can do is wait for either him to come around of for someone else that will be put in my life. one of the things that i hate the most is the feeling that i am not wanted...me being alone. and that how i feel. i felt it growing up at home when all the things were going on with my parents and i moved on my own...and i feel it now. i mean yea i have been trying to talk to other people but i honeslty feel that it is to fill that empty void that i feel. when it comes to relationships i only get Hot or Cold....Hot means i meet a guy and he is just head over heels for me. and in this case i think i finally warm up to the idea of being with them and then it happens....so far everytime that has happened it hasnt ended very good....Cold means i meet a guy and i start to really like him. But i like him more than he likes me...so i am left feeling this way.

Aubrie said something to me the other night that made alot of sense...she said tru happiness comes from no man but from God. and i agree with that 100%. i guess that just means that i need to work on myself and my relationship with god before i can find that fulfilling relationship. I do want to be happy with someone, but i dont want to just settle to create that. so my instinct is telling me to just wait and see what happens. Good things come those who wait. good example...my car. i was so eager to get it when summer started and i wanted it right then...but i had to learn to be patient and now look. i have the car that i want and i am very happy with what i was blessed with. So i guess that is all i can do is wait & see what happens. whether i get that happiness with ray or with someone else, i just want it to be true and genuine. so instead of stupid boys i am going to turn all my attention, time, and energy on the things that are important and that need to get done now.

school starts tomorrow....not sure how i feel about it...LoL...we will see.

....until next time....