ONE DAY

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

ONE DAY LEFT THEN I START MY JOURNEY HOME!!!!

i have been looking for this day for the longest time...i am 1/2 way packed but most importantly all my clothes r washed and my room/whole house is clean! i just hope its that way when i make it back! i am super excited....


thats all...the only news for the day...at work now...cant wait to get off so i can go finish packing!


....until next time.....

....DuE GiOrNi....

Monday, July 28, 2008

Week 6:9

TWO MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!

i am doing good b/c i have already started packing...you have no idea how excited i am about getting to go home! i have not been home since Christmas so this has been waaaaaay past due. all i can keep thinking about are my friends and family...and the FOOD I'm going to get to eat....mmmmm i can smell it now! all the REAL Mexican food...all the REAL restaurants...i cant contain myself. i miss home and I'm sure it missed me!!!

today has been a great and beautiful day. i got to sleep in ,work out, cleaned my room...got my kitchen and bathroom cleaned...and started packing. washed some clothes...and gave a tour to some prospective students. so it was a busy day but it was good. I'm at work right now (as usual...LoL) but its not too bad. i just want tomorrow to go by super fast so i can get to go home asap!

today's workout was really hard....I'm not sure why but when i was running i just had zero energry. i got tired way too fast and Ive been doing this for a while. i wanted to run 2 miles but i ran 1 1/2 instead. i made up for the other mile by jumping on the machine...and of course rode the bike for 15 but i had to cut it to 10 b/c the REC was closing. but i did get abs done but i didn't get to lift...but its OK ill try to get it in tomorrow.

i "headed to the laundry mat" today...LoL threw away a few shirts...boxed away a few articles...i can feel a change already! LoL...although i haven't talked to ray in a few days and he hasn't updated his facebook status (and he usually does every few days) so i am starting to get a little worried. i called and left him a message so we will see...i pray he is OK...i miss him...LoL gosh i cant believe i said that out loud...

oh and Mr.man that i recently started chatting too had a history of asking me for $. i thought this time would b diff b/c he hadn't done it...but it never fails....$200....LoL do i have ATM written on my forehead? if you are broke now...and ALWAYS broke then i know u wont pay me back...so i ignored the question and just hadn't initiated convo since then...oh well...guess some ppl will never change....clearly he hasn't hence why this will b nothing more than a chat buddy....

well that is all that is in my life...might think of something new...need to scan my new drawings so i can share them :) got the artistic itch again...creating some GREAT drawing...now only if i had time to paint....maybe when i go home!!! :)

.......until next time......

.....iiiiiim BaCK......

Sunday, July 27, 2008

well the day has gone by a little bit from my entry earlier and i would have to say that i feel 89% better...i just was tired...not wanting to be at work...and i had gotten a not happy email...of course no phone call or text...and most importantly wed cant get here fast enough so i can get home!!! but i got some food in me, woke up a little bit and im good to go! oh have some more songs to share :)

Paula Deanda....Doin too Much...

I'm leaving messages and voicemails

Telling you I miss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Why you tryna diss me

When I just wanna kiss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Tell me what's the issu

eWho I give these lips to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

This is turning into

Something I ain't hip to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

See you got me all alone

Waiting right here by the phone

For you to call me,

Just to hearYour voice toneI keep on wondering if you was even

Feeling me, I keep on wondering if

This was even meant to be

Tell me imma waste of time, boy

You showing me no sign, is it cuz u on

Ya grind, cuz you're always on my mind

I keep on wondering if

everything you said was trueI

keep on wondering if you were really coming through

Now here I go again blowing you up,

And my girlfriends keep telling me

I'm doing too much

Now here I go again blowing you up,

And my girlfriends keep telling me

I'm doing too much

I'm leaving messages and voicemails

Telling you I miss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Why you tryna diss me

When I just wanna kiss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Tell me what's the issue

Who I give these lips to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

This is turning intoSomething I ain't hip to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

I'm out with my girls tryna have a good time

And you know I'm looking flytryna meet sum other guys

But it gets hard sometimes cuz thereain't no one just like you

I try my best but I can't shakethis thing u got me goingthrough

All i can picture is the colorof your eyes,

and the way umake me smile

I ain't felt this in a while,

But I came to a conclusion that this is pure illusion

Chaos and confusion but

I'm not gonna let it ruin

The way I feel about myself cuz I gotself-esteem, sometimes I

Wonder if I'm just chasing a fantasy

The way I feel about myself cuz I gotself-esteem, sometimes I

Wonder if I'm just chasing a fantasyI'm leaving messages and voicemails

Telling you I miss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Why you tryna diss me

When I just wanna kiss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Tell me what's the issue

Who I give these lips to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

This is turning into

Something I ain't hip toBaby am I doing too much (too much)

[ Baby Bash: ] Just leave ya name and number

And I'm gon holla at cha

Just leave ya name and number

And I'm gon holla at cha

Just leave ya name and number

And I'm gon holla at cha

Just leave ya name and number

And I'm gon holla at cha

Ronnie Ray all dayWomen in the hall way, Ev day

losing track of the people tryna call me

Don't take this the wrong way,

I been having long days, doingit, moving

Round the town wherever

I'mgetting my song played

Now here I go again blowing you up,

And my girlfriends keep telling me

I'm doing too much

Now here I go again blowing you up,

And my girlfriends keep telling me

I'm doing too muchI'm leaving messages and voicemails

Telling you I miss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Why you tryna diss me

When I just wanna kiss you

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Tell me what's the issue

Who I give these lips to

Baby am I doing too much (too much)

This is turning into

Something I ain't hip toBaby am I doing too much (too much)

Boys 2 Men....4 seasons.....

I long for the warmth of days gone by

When you were mine

But now those days are memories in time

Life's empty without you by my side

My heart belongs to you

No matter what I try

When I get the courage up to love somebody new

It always falls apart 'cause they just can't compare to you

Your love won't release me

I'm bound under ball and chain

Reminiscing our love as

I watch four seasons change

Chorus

In comes the winter breeze that chills the air and drifts the snow

And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe

When springtime makes its way here

Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume

When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you

Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do

When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare

When you're not here it doesn't feel the same

Remember the nights when we closed our eyes

And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time

Anytime I think about these things I shared with youI breakdown and cry 'cause I get so emotional

Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain

Reminiscing our love as I watch four seasons change

Chorus

This loneliness has crushed my heart

Please let me love again

'Cause I need your love to comfort me and ease my pain

Or four seasons will bring the loneliness again

Chorus

Remember the warmth of days gone by...

Selen....Dreaming of You....

Late at night when all the world is sleeping.

I stay up and think of you.

And I wish on a star, that somewhere you are.

Thinking of me too.

Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight.

Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight.

And there's nowhere in the world, I'd rather be.

Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me.

Wonder if you ever see me, and I.

Wonder if you know I'm there.

(am I there, am I?)If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside?

Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close but so far.

All I have are dreams of you.

So I wait for the day.

(wait for the day)And the courage to say how much, I love you.

Yes I do.

I'll be dreaming of you tonight.

Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight.

And there's nowhere in the world, I'd rather be.

Than here in my room dreaming about, you and me.

(Spanish): (Translation): Corazon. Sweetheart.

No puedo dejar de pensar en ti. I can't stop thinking of you.

Como te necesito. How I need you.

Mi amor, como t'extrano. My love, how I miss you.

~*Chorus*~ 3

Late at night when all the world is sleeping.

I stay up and think of you.

And I still can't believe.

That you came up to me, and said "I love you.";

"I love you too."

Now I'm dreaming with you, tonight.

Till tomorrow (till tomorrow).

And for all of my life.

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be.

than here in my room.

Dreaming with you endlessly....

....im TiReD....

2 words...I'm tired


i worked all weekend...i get to go home Thursday....right now I'm just emotionally and mentally exhausted...don't what to do to fix it....maybe going home will help me...but I'm not sure...I'm not sure what i need....


saw dark night last night....it was actually really good...I'm still partial to the old batman with Michael Keaton...but it was good....


*sigh*...i logged in thinking i could write something...buti have so many thoughts running thru my mind....maybe later....


.......until next time.......

....OpEn....

Friday, July 25, 2008

open your eyes...like you open your ears... so you can open your heart....

Musiq...Previous Cats

First things first girl recognize


Who is wit you now


Second thing,


can't blame me for


How you were treated before I came see


I'm not Steven, Anthony even, Leroy or Ivan


Damn girl I've been right there for you


Since day one, so where's all this coming from





See now I'm not to blame for the pain


That was caused by previous cats, yeah


Who had your heart before me, girl no


I'm not to blame for the pain


That was caused by previous cats


You gotta see me for me





Now what is with all the questioning about


Where I've been and why must you roll your eyes


When I say she's just a friend


I knew before


Not like I call you Sabrina, Pam or Tanisha


Andrea either. Girl we go deeper


then any otherI had before so tell me why you ignore.




See now I'm not to blame for the pain
That was caused by previous cats, yeah
Who had your heart before me, girl no
I'm not to blame for the pain
That was caused by previous cats
You gotta see me for me





Now I don't know (I don't know)


What them young boys did (what them young boys did)


To make you insecure,


but I think you need to let it go(Let it go)


don't let your past get all in the way


Cause what is here today may not be guaranteed tomorrow


I'm not out of line just speaking my mind when I say that I


I put in to much time for another's brother's crimes.


See now I'm not to blame for the pain
That was caused by previous cats, yeah
Who had your heart before me, girl no
I'm not to blame for the pain
That was caused by previous cats
You gotta see me for me





so this song is the song of the day. RVS...came out with a new song...its actually really good!...but it a song wait...ill tell you what he texted me when he asked me if i understood the song:





"Ok so the first couple verses talks about how i'd do anything 4 the chick bcuz i love her. Then the 3rd verse talks about how i would do anything 4 her but i wished the feelings was mutual. The 4th verse was talking about i know she dosent feel the same but i hold onto her becuz i still love her. The last verse talks about how i have moved on since then and how i think it really sucks that she would do me like that but at the same time im still subconsciously in lover with her becuz im still writing and thinking about her"





ok after first hearing the song i really liked it but realized yet again he made a song about "her"...then i realized after he told me that, was it about her? i mean i know when i write or draw something it is brought on by an emotion or event of things that happen...so is he still caught up on her? he also said somethign later in the conversation about "being too drained to treat another girl the way he went out of his way and treated her"...hmmm....LoL is that y i get the short end of the stick? i know where we both stand on the the "relationship" status right now but c'mon some of the things that go on are just obvious....maybe we should talk about it but im afraid too...i dunno....guess im stuck...as usual....i know one thing...im ready to go home!!!!





AHAAaaahaaahHAHAHAAaaaHhHhHh......LoL...just felt like screaming thats all....at least classes are over...and at least I GET TO GO HOME! LoL...sorry i keep saying it but it has been wayyy 2 long since i have been home and i just want to see my friends and family and just relax...with no work or classes...until then i will just keep praying...keep marchin on...and keep on keepin on...LoL







................until next time..............

...BrOkEn...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

well i have done it again...i have managed to tear open old wounds...i did not mean too...and i did not cry...i only kept asking questions and trying to justify it in my mind.

yes i did the unwritten thing and wrote down my thoughts...and the worst part is i sent it to him...needless to say i did not get the reply i wanted so...again it was pointless for me to send it in the first place. i just felt justified to send him my thoughts b/c i hadnt told him and we hadnt really talked about it. i guess its god's doing and i just cant see what he is trying to do with me...or who he is trying to put in my life...

today the only thing that was set off was when i had told "someone" that i was going home the 1st instead of the 10th. the reply thats nice...so i reply...yea i was wanting to see you before i went home but i dont think i will be able to since i moved up the date...his reply..oh well im going to a town an hour and a half away from you this saturday anyway....

first thing wrong with that...he is going to this town to hang out with his phrat brothers....he was with them last weekend...and if he can make plans to go and see them then why can he not mak plans to come and see me? i have spent $ to go and see him the past few times but he cant come see me? and the last time i asked he already had plans...which is fine but when i hint at it either tell me you dont want to come at all of try to give me an estimate so im not wondering and asking about...believe me i dropped quite a few hints...and the other thing i invited him to our step show in october...his reply...ill have to see if im gonna b busy that weekend....what!?when he asked me to come to his graduation i did not say "ill have to see if im busy"...i knew he wanted me to be there so i told him yes and i made it happen...there is no excuse for that answer b/c i asked him in plenty of time...this is july...the show is in october...i feel like you can make plans for that one night that i want you to be here....

i asked him to proof read my personal statement for med school...that was 2 weeks ago....i asked him to take a survey for my class...that was 6 weeks ago....its like sometimes he shows intrest and the other time he just dosnt care...like he is too busy for me or whatever his reasoning is....oh well i guess ill never know...gotta roll with the punches right....

im just tired...i keep giving and giving but i dont get anything in return. not just with him but with other people and other situations....im just tired of it...i pray about it and i do have good days but when someone says or does something to set me off it just gets annoying...i dont let it ruin my day b/c i dont let ppl infulence me in that way, it just annoys me that i have to deal with it because honestly i dont want to have to deal with it at all....

found this on another web site...the title was....how to get over a broken heart....

(because even though i have healed...i have not completly healed... and i am starting to notice that)

1.It's okay to grieve for a time. Seek support from your friends and family as you come to terms with the changes in your life. (done that...with the help of Aubrie and Danielle and my sorority sisters...would have made it thru with out them)

2.Don't look at past relationships as failures, but rather as opportunities to learn and improve your relationship skills. (hmmmm still trying to see this side of it...)

3.Don't worry that you're not in a relationship. Your value comes from who you are, not who you're with. (wow...that is a strong statement....im def gonna have to keep this in mind)

4.You don't have to be a recluse just because you aren't a couple. Treat yourself to an evening out doing something you enjoy. Take along a friend if it's not a solo activity. (do that allll the time...can you say jager bombs! L0L...my girls know what im talkin bout)

5.Treat yourself to a special gift now and then. You are a special person and you deserve it.
There's more to life than romantic love. Take this opportunity to nurture your friends, family and self. (since i have been working alot i am def about to treat myself when i go home next week)

6.Take some time to reevaluate what you need in a relationship. Have you been choosing partners who are not capable of a loving and mature relationship? (that i really need to look at b/c latly i feel i am the only one putting more effort into it...)

7.Be willing to take another chance on love. Like they say, you can't win if you don't play.
Be a friend to yourself. If you care about yourself, the odds are better you will attract those you care about you too. (easier said than done...)

8.If you're finding it hard to let go of a relationship, you may need to seek counseling. An obsessive need to be with someone who no longer wants a relationship may be a sign of love addiction.
Avoid jumping into a rebound relationship. Take some time to work through all the issues from your previous one. (hmmm good thought...)

9.Don't try to get revenge. This will only slow your progress in healing from the hurt.
Forgive yourself. You can't change the past, but you can learn from your mistakes and not repeat them. (def have taken this rule to heart...it has helped me...)

10.Forgive your partner. This doesn't mean that you are saying what happened is okay. What it means is cutting your losses and not investing any more time in something that hurts you. (all i can say is AMEN....)

had to put this pic in....i loved it! LoL

saw this pic...it is where i am...i have mostly good days but there is that one day that the stiches leak but other than that im fine....until then ill just keep praying and wish for the best

this song instantly played in my head when i started writing this...so i had to share it...

Broken...by Seether

I wanted you to know

I love the way you laugh

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

Ikeep your photograph;

I know it serves me well

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

The worst is over now

and we can breathe again

I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away

There’s so much left to learn,

and no one left to fight

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open

And I don’t feel like I am strong enough

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open

And I don’t feel like I am strong enough

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore....

.....until next time....

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

found this...felt like filling it owt.....


I am: optamistic, greatful, gracious for all the things in my life and all the blessings that i have recived


I think: all the time...sometimes way too much that i lay in bed with so many thoughts running through my mind i cant sleep!


I know: if i want anything/need to get anything done the one person i can depend on is God...well and myself. if i work hard enough and it is meant to be than i will b blessed with it


I have: way too many things to be a 22year old....i dread moving in a year!!


I wish: that my little sister picks a good school to attend after she graduates and that i get into med school that is not too far away from her


I hate: im going to change that to i dislike (b/c hate is such a strong word!) bugs....rodents...insects....mold....clutter....excuses...arrogance...


I miss: being at home in texas....the texas sunsets....the texas starlit sky...and of course the FOOD!


I fear: being alone and failing...not accomplishing the goals i have set for myself for the future


I feel: great! a little sore from my past 2 workout...a little hungry its about time for a snack...and a little tired from working too much...


I hear: playing in my head songs whose lyrics i can relate to and i love to sing...oh and lists of things i should be doing or that i need to get done today...


I smell: the bath and bodyworks body spray that i splashed on before i came to work today


I crave: choclate....fruit...the 2 things that are standing out in my mind right now....


I search: each day to better myself and to influence other to do the same...


I wonder: everything!!! i always have a million questions


I regret: not getting to spend more time with my mother before she passed away....but if i did would that not have taught me the things and made me the person i am today...so i guess its more of a "what if" rather than a "regret"...i cant think of any regrets that i have


I love: getting a full nights sleep uninterupted....fresh fruit...working out....playing basketball....playing golf....my family/friends....cold stone icecream!....texas!!! (look at the i miss section...LoL)


I am not: open, i keep alot of things to myself or inside...


I believe: in god...what else do you need to belive in?


I dance: usually when im drunk...LoL...


I sing: alone...in the shower...or when i know no one can hear me


I cry: not that often...i hate to cry...i always feel stupid afterwerds...


I fight: everyday to try to get the most out of the day...and i fight everyday to take one step closer to getting done with school and becoming a doctor


I write: usually to just clear my head of thoughts and question i have...i usually write with the intentions that NO ONE will read it....


I win: not very many things...maybe i will get lucky and win something good one of these days....


I lose: not very many things....i try to keep up with my belongings....


I never: drink after anyone i dont know...i dont know where their mouth has been! oh and i dont touch other peoples feet either...


I always: thank god for what he has given me : what he has done, what he is doing, and what he is going to do in my life :) (got that saying from my sorority sister)


I confuse: myself ALL THE TIME....sometimes i make things way harder than they should be...


I listen: to music...to the sounds of nature...my fav sound...waves crashing on the shore or rain trickling from the sky...


I can usually be found: in the gym hoopin or workin out....in the library studying...WORKING...at home relaxing when i get the chance


I am scared: of the dark sometimes...i can scare myself when i am home alone...i am scared of being alone and not finding "that someone"...i am afraid of not being happy and not getting to do what i love as a profession


I need: guidence, patientens, persaverence, motivation


I am happy about:EVERYTHING! i currently dont have anything not to be happy about :)


I imagine:alot of different things....my future....me going home soon...what this next semester will be like....the list goes on


I am wearing: currently my scrubs and lab coat b/c i am at work! :)


Printed on the shirt is: nothing....its a plain black t-shirt :-/


I look forward to: going home soon...seeing my friends and family...PARTYIN and enjoyin the last year i have at Truman State University

no stress...no regrets...IM BLESSED!

Monday, July 21, 2008

week 8:5 of 8

the title of this blog i heard in a verse in a song that played in my ipod today...i just caught it barley when i was working out and it just stuck in my head all day.

today was a good HOOOOTTTTT day....i walked to work and didnt make it a block until i had already started sweating!

slept in unil 9:30 (since i had to go to bed late and get up earlly the past 3 days) woke up, ate breakfast, cleaned my room, grabbed lunch, went to class, went and worked out, went home for dinner, then came to work. sumone noticed ive been working out!!! it makes me so happy b/c i thought that i couldnt even tell a diff, but i guess you can...

this is the last week of classes!!!! im so excited...oh and i realized today that i worked OVER 40 hours from friday until sunday! talk about overtime! im excited b/c it puts me that much closer to gettin my car :) by the way i have been lookin online and found a few that i really like.

.................unitl next time................

dO sOmEtHiNg 2DaY tHaT u HaVe NeVeR dOnE B4

Sunday, July 20, 2008

yesterday morning...i got my usual "hello/good morning" text messages....

well from a friend i was soon asked..."so what are you going to do today that you have never done before?"...and you know when i read it i thought to myself that that is a really good question. I had to work from 6AM to 10 PM so i was not sure what all i could do with in the walls of my job that is "new" or that "i have never done before"....needless to say at the end of the night i did indeed try a twin roll from a local Chinese place. it had shrimp and cream cheese in it. i had never had it before so does that count?

i also volunteered to stay late at work because as usual the census in the hospital was waaay too high for the amount of nurses that were there. so i said i would stay (until 10) so that i could help with lights and doctors orders and anything else despite the fact that i had to be at work this morning at 6AM....so i think that will count as well....

i have found myself enjoying and trying to get more out of each day...and i would have to say that i LOVE it....i just feel so joyful and extra happy. i do walk around with a smile on my face for no reason at all...because i feel blessed to just be able to get to see a new day.

my theory about people:

I have concluded that there are two types of ppl in the world...the spectator.....

.....or the spectator entertainer.....

i am the type of person to sit back and watch people in a new setting. some people show their claws a little too early. this is where i use those first impressions to figure out who i would like to associate with or to form my own opinions about different topics that are being discussed. it is not until later when i know the people very well (and i mean well) that i do not try to be more of an "entertainer" or just joke around more freely....some entertainers...that is all they do...they are the loud ppl that claim attention when they walk into a room and are always in the middle of any action going on. now the spectators are usually quiet and keep to themselves...watch the entertainers for a good giggle. i know its a random theory...i have just been thinking about it a little the past few days and thought i would share it.....but yea....

.........until next time........

oh im back...found this really good poem by http://rirherya.blogspot.com/

love is a struggle..a struggle to find the one you loved. NOT when u finally found that one.a struggle to get that one you loved to accompany you in ur life. NOT when finally u both walk together in a way.a struggle to keep the way that u both started to ride, even facing mountain or valley.because love is a processnot a startnot an endlove doesn’t have a finish line..so don’t be afraid my bro..it doesn’t matter about the result which u’ll getthe value of love is in the process..it doesn’t matter to get the perfect onebecause the value of love is loving un-perfect sideif u feel true, if u’re sure that u’ve find that one, then come on and get her..fight and struggle..whatever the threats are.....

Friday, July 18, 2008

....Does love truly exist....?

that "out of the ball park...nothing but shooting stars...there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about you almost all day...i get butterflies...your smile makes me melt..." kinda love that is on both sides and that is everlasting?

now i know there is the type of love one shares with a friend or family...but there are even different degrees and levels to that kind of love...and even then its not truly everlasting. i have found that it is still only part time...

part time...i guess that would be the best word to use. like part time friends...they want to be cool with you "part of the time" and the other 1/2 they act differently....

well I'm going to have to say that i want to get rid of all the "part time" in my life...I'm only looking to keep the full-timers. the part time ppl are getting full time benefits (such as my wholesome friendship) but are only putting in 1/2 the effort...guess its time to "trim the fat" or as they would say in the old days..."I'm heading to the laundry mat"

****sMiLe****

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

well first off today is a B-E-A-UTIFUL day!

i woke up, went to get a shot at the doctors office...hit up payroll at work b/c they were short on my check $150 bux...went to my job shadowing....hit up the bank on my way home to deposit some funds and ask about $ that didnt show up onmy account ("computer error" they told me...good thing i still had the transaction recipt!!) went home...cleaned up...did a little spring cleaning and threw away some things that have been sitting in my closet for moths...bought some really nice kicks on ebay (yes they are pink!!!)...went and got my hair done at the beauty college (wash...dry...style 8 bucks! it was her first time doin "ethinic" hair so it was fun to see her reaction to how it didnt dry fast and how thick it was an so on...LoL priceless...) had lunch with adam an alpha from out school...made turtle cookies with my roomey...relaxed and ate...now i am at work! kinda a slow day right now but it might pick up...AND THE BEST PART...ive been in the BEEEEEST mood all day! :) smile on my face....happy tunes running thru my head....just happy! im usualy pretty percky and happy and with a smile but today it is up a few notches....LoL...

...until next time....

....PaTiEnTs....

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

well today was a good day...i have started to get in the habit of finding at least one thing about my day that i am happy/grateful for...i do it right before i go to sleep and i reflect on the day that i had. and when i get up in the morning i just ask for the strength to make it thru the day and i express how grateful i am to have gotten to wake up to see a new day. i think it starts/ends my days so much better...

good things come to those who wait....right?

i think i am learning the true meaning for patients! with the whole car situation and with dealing with other things/people in my life...i have realized that i am having to take a deep breath...and just smile about it. once i realize there is nothing i can do to change the situation or how people are i guess it slightly puts my mind at ease. i just wish that i didn't have to do it so frequently b/c it does make me realize certain aspects about things/people that i did not realize before.

i got to talk to Aubrie last night and we almost chattered for a hour! it is sooo weird to be away from her so long. she really is a great friend and i am really excited about getting to spend my last year at Truman with her...maybe we will get lucky and get to move to the same area after we graduate...we have talked about it a few times...but who knows...we shall see!

one word.... HOME

Texas has the most beautiful sunsets and sunrises...the best stars at night...and there is no place like home...i am in dire need to get thru the summer so i can get back home and just enjoy TEXAS for a while....

wanted to share this song....had to...its stuck in my head! :)

Time....by Musiq Soulchild

[Verse 1 ] I'd like to take a minute to apologizeFor not taking advantage of youThrough all the years you've passed me byHonestly I really wanted tobe mad at you, yesFor so many hours waiting, yeahI finally know what it means to be patientAnd everything has its place, yeahAnd reason and I've learned that....

[ Chorus ] Time waits for nothingAnd everything is gonna take itstime for it to happenTime waits for nothingAnd everything is gonna take its timeTime waits for nothing and no oneCause everything has its time

[ Verse 2 ] I used to think that if I triedThen maybe I could change the things thatI regretted in my past lifeBut through all the lessonsthat you taught meI have learned my experiencesenhanced my character, yesNow as I look back with what I know nowI can say that I wouldn't change a thingCause I love who I became, yeahAnd when it's all said and doneI can only live for todayCause I've learned that...[Chours]

I used to find it hard to believeAnd almost impossible to conceive, yeahEverything I do revolves around youAnd knowing that, its kind crazy to meNow if I had a dollar for every momentThat I spent watching my days go byDoing, doing, doing nothingI probably never be penniless or hopeless.

[ Verse 3 ] So for a while now, I've kept in mindCause what they say is trueThat you are of the essenceDown to the very last secondAnd I'm so glad that I've grown toRespect you

[ Chorus 4x ]

SUNDAY morning

Sunday, July 13, 2008

well today i got up at 5:30 am..headed to work...it is not 1:20 and i just got cought up and have a sec to relax and check my mail! today is my first day to work alone in the lab andi would like to just pat myself on the back! there were 21 draws this morning that all had to be done by 7 am...i only missed one lady! then when i got back and logged them in ihad about 15 send out orders to do...i got to draw my first child and baby (welli got to do 2 of them today!!) today...and then i had a bunch of STAT orders that kept comming from the floor....so i am glad that i was kept busy but *phhewwww* im glad i can relax for a min! i have to workon the floor later tonight so my day is only 1/2 over





last night....had another free shindig at my crib...we (me and my roomey but i cooked a good portion of it...LoL) had spaghetti withmeat sauce....tacos....homemade pizza ( i got to knead the bread!)...cornbread (special request)....turtle cookies....queso and chips....and of course a few smeanoffs to get the party started....it was fun...had a bunch of ppl that are here for the summer come over and eat. got to meet some of the new football players (they look soooo young! LoL im gettin too old...) ppl left around 9 it started at 7:30...they all went and got wasted andhit up the bars...oh and its greek reuinion weekend so that was a big thing. i on the other hand was in bed and passed out by 10:30. i had to b up early and i knew it was a long day so i did not want to be tired at all.





glad i had my ORG test last week b/c that means this week i dont have to worry about homework for that class and i can study for the MCATS :)




2 weeks of summer school left!!!! then I GET TO GO HOME!!!!! its been 7 months and i miss my family and friends soooo much..i am way 2 excited about it...oooooh and the foooooood! nothing beats a good tex-mex reasturant!




roomeys were late paying rent AGAIN...so i had to spot $600 bux for now....glad i got paid if not...there would have been some problems! i dont know why if they cant have the $ to me on time then y cant they just let me know...i promise i wont get mad...




so this old friend started to randomly start texting me again...at first it was about once a week or every few days...no almost everymorning i get this hilarious way that they want to say hello/goodmorning....now dont go thinking that something more is going to come from it...this person is heavly involved wit another gal (well from that last time i heard he was) and not to mention we just dont match anyway...and im just not looking...it is nice to have someone to chat with off and on thru the day since "someone" else wont....guess i wasnt looking but i guess i am now....havnt talked to him n a few days. i made my attempts i even called to check on him last night...but i got no answer. i dont think ill try today...i feel that i have made more than my share of attempts the past few days. and since i have gotten no answer i dont want to feel like i am annoying him or anything...so i guess ill just wait...ifnot...rightnow the idea of letting it be has settled with me....but we will c later down the road. *sigh* oh well...i realized i dont need anyone to make me happy or content...i got me, the good lord, and my sorority sisters and My homie Aubrie to get me through the day. maybe the lord will bless me with something...maybe he already has and he is still teaching me patients...i know that is something i have had to learn this summer LoL...b/c when i want something i want it right then and there...


weeeeeeel i have an hour left at work...so i guess ill pull out my MCAT study cards or sumthin until i have more work to do :)
.....until next time....

****FuNnY PiX****

Friday, July 11, 2008

all i have to say about this is LOL...no more buyin drinks at the bar! just a coke or sprite 4 me!

perfect way to save $!

the perfect work out shoe if you can keep it from skipping or if its not too weight down...or you can be the life of the party and have the party follow you whereever you go!

this is an adult version of "the mood ring"....or just a wast of $....

i seriously need one of these!!!

this was titled..."Redneck Masion"....

.....no comment...LMAO...

today was a normal day in kirksville....not too exciting...worked (i am still working as we speak) at the hospital since 7am...dont get off until 11pm...no worries i got almost 10 hours of sleep last night and i worked in 2 diff departments so thats why its been a long day. it actually went by pretty fast...got kinda anoyed towards the end of working on the unit floor...but thingshave calmed down since im in the lab now...

I GOT PAID TODAY!!!! i am super excited b/c that means that i have finally saved enought $ to go get the car i want...and me and my roomey r throwin a FREE BBQ on saturday so im excited about that...first i gotta make it thru today and the rest of my shirt in the morning....the plus side to it is that my next check will be pretty nice so that too will help with me getting my car :)

well i cant think of n e thing else to blab about right now...so i think ill try to find sumthin to do or study until i get beeped or have to run up to the floor...

......until next time.....

Me encantan estas fotos

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

saw these pix and thought they were too cool not to share...

week 5:3 of 8

didnt get to work out today...i was sooooo tired...guess all this "summer fun" is catching up to me...and when i say fun i mean working 50 hours at the hospital plus the random 8-16 hours at the hotel...plus my 3 summer school classes....oh and trying to maintian my sanity from being stuck in this hot humid town and missing my friends and family....but its ok i took one of the BEST naps ever and i woke up feelin "fresh to death like a million bucks"...(LoL a song that played on my ipod when i was on my way to work today...yea ironic i know...) i really dont like to take naps, but i came in to lay down and just cool off and the next thing i know i woke up and it was 5:20 and i had to eat, shower, and get ready for work...

was supose to go to DC this weekend for a BIIIIG convention for my sorority....last min change of plans and now i cant go :(

i think im going to invest into a camera...since im makin a little extra cash with working at the hospital and i am finding more and more to love about photography i think i want to get a cam of my own and start my own photo journal...i can already draw and paint....just want to add to my many hidden skillz....

these past few days i have had a million and one thoughts about everything...i dont think im ready to share them with the world yet...im going to keep marinating on my thoughts and then ill know what to say about them...

golf this sunday? if its not raining and not 100% humid!...il keep up my workout plan...gotta stay in shape for bball...ill run a little extra to make up for today...LoL...

i get paid friday!!!!! this check should be super phat since i worked ALLLLLL day the 4th of july and i know i had at leat 57 hours last week...so i think it is time for me to start looking for my nissan altima....black....leather seats maybe? sunroof? cd player with ipod hook up is a must...oh and u cant forget about the tinted windows....dont want ppl "all up in my kool-aid"...LoL (just a term i haerd once and thought it was hilarious....) i feel i deserve this car...i have gone so long with out one and i have been working my butt off so hopefully it will pay off and iw ill be able to get one that i like and can enjoy...and can get cheap payments! im gonna put down more than 2K so i know that will help out alot...just gotta worry about insurence and all that jazz...

so mcats....august 7th...

i worry about it everyday! i think that is one of my main worries. i work at a hosptal so how can i not think about it everyday when i deal with doctors and patients...i try to stay optimistic but its hard sometimes when im dead tired and have ZERO motivation to study...i still have a month but i need to crack down and just STUDY!

speaking of patients...my all time fav patient is back...i was doina draw on the 4th floor today and walked by his room...his legs were in the air and he was exposing alll the people in the hallway...so i walked in and tried to help cover him and realized it was him...he is the cutest most senile old man ever...i think he was having a flash back because he was talking about how he faught this guy and then asked if i had caught any fish today...LoL...i got to work with him my first few days on the job until he was dismissed and he isjust sooo cute....his IV machine would go off andmake a beeping noise and he would think it was his phone and pick it up and have a random conversation with the dial tone...LoL or just pick it up..listen...smile and hang it up...he has all the WW2 tats he was telling me about...like this one of a lady with a leg all exposed from under her dress..."back then" that was too revealing but he knew that he would always have his lady with him when he missed her....then he had a buls head with horns on his other arm...said he got it b/c he was feeling "bull headed"...LoL...def my fav so i was both sad and happy to see him at the same time. didnt get to look at his chart to see what was wrong...just know he is in a local nursing home...havnt seen n e family to see him...but at least he has me to stop by and check on him :)

well off to study for my org test i have tomorrow and to review my MCATS notes....

.....until next time.....

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

well for today i am going to talk about things that i like or just things about me ppl might not know...

i love gift...the small gifts are the ones that count...just something that reminded someone of me or just a simple thoughtless gifts will go a mile with me

i like to stay pretty organized

i love to workout and eat healthy...if i don't i can feel the chaos of my everyday schedule catching up with me...

i like to stay busy...get the trait from my mom...if i don't have 101 things to do in a day i feel like something is wrong

when i meet a guy that i like i try to impress them both mentally and with my pocket...i have to catch myself b/c i find myself wanting to get thing thoughtful gifts only to realize that the guy is using me for the gifts /and or i don't get anything in return so its pointless...

i HATE when ppl drink after me...now if i have made out with you that's another story...but ppl have germs and that's how you spread sickness

i hate to cry...i feel there is no point to it....b/c i always feel stupid after i cry and get over whatever was making me mad

i like to keep my opinions to myself...i like to sit back and watch/listen to ppl...rarely do i chime in with my comments but i still prefer to sit back and marinate on my own thoughts...

i love the stars and the ocean...get me with the 2 together and you have won my heart...LoL

i think i over or under analyze situations...i have a weird way of handling situations but my instinct usually leads me in the right direction

my fav flower arrangement....hugs and kisses from proflowers.com....the first guy to actually realize that and get them for me...just b/c or for a occasion will def get 1000 brownie points....

im a very private person...i like to keep alot of things to myself or share them with a select few ppl...

i like to stand out in a crowd...i like to be different...

i am a really good at knowing how to budget/i know how to save and spend my $....since i have had to do it for sooooo long i learned the art of it and it has helped me not be that typical "broke college student"...for a college student i live comfortable and can afford to support myself and splurge every now and then

I LOVE THE LAKERS! LoL since i was a kid in diapers....



hmmmmmm....cant think of any more....more might come to me later....


s


aw this on another bloggers page...made sense...why not try to live by these things...only thing left out is that they didn't say n e thing about worship time...


Ten principles for living a simpler life


1. Know your top three priorities. Whether that's family, faith, and work or fun, food and friends, you'll make better time decisions when your values are straight in your mind.

2. Make your priorities a priority. It's one thing to talk the talk. Walk the walk, too, and let your commitments reflect your values.

3. Always move forward. A balanced life isn't static; it's keeping a secure hold on your values, goals, and dreams while you grow, learn, change, and love.

4. Be honest with yourself. Your gut (not to mention your conscience!) knows what it's talking about; listen up when it's telling you something.

5. Know your limits. "No" is the right response when the request doesn't fit in with your life priorities--no guilt required.

6. Let go when you can't be in control. When you can't change something, don't waste time worrying: work around it or forget about it.

7. Face chores cheerfully. No matter how well you prioritize your time, mundane tasks go with the territory. Embrace the everyday, and time will fly.

8. Spend smartly. Everything you buy is a direct result of the time you spend working. Make sure your hours are purchasing something worthwhile.

9. Love your home. A space that provides sanctuary and gives you pleasure is essential for your well-being.

10. Take time for yourself. You'll never find time to simplify your life if you don't give it to yourself.

website: http://www.smartsimplewoman.com/

................until next time...................

CODE BLUE

Monday, July 7, 2008

as i walked into work today at 6pm...i hear over the intercom..."CODE BLUE TO THE ER...CODE BLUE"...that means that someone has went into cardiac arrest and the ER needs help...so since i work in the lab today and not the floor i get to go help!

well i was already clocked in and had my lab coat on...i grabbed my tray and along with another person from the lab we ran upstairs....

when i walked into the room...my heart dropped....not from the chaos that was going on but for the excitement of being able to help save someone...the doctors were giving him CPR...the family was patiently and quietly waiting outside the room....it was a picture perfect moment and yet again my aspirations for becoming a ER Doctor were confirmed

the story with this patient is he came in today with weakness...a really high white blood count...and a few other symptoms...they ran some test and found out he has had leukemia for the past few months!!! and he didn't even know! needless to say after many rounds of CPR and the defib and talking to the family to sign the approval...it was all stopped and he passed. i was just amazed at the determination everyone had to try to bring him back and to help this man...i guess it was my first time dealing with it and it just excites me...call me weird but i love this kinda stuff!

i guess it was just his time...i hope that he was able to enjoy life up until today...it really makes you appreciate the fact that you still have today but to embrace tomorrow as you don't know what can happen.

i also got to deal with a Parkinson's patient at the clinic i get to shadow...its amazing what types of disorders the body can develop and i am both anxious and excited to see if we will ever be able to come up with a cure or more affective method to help with these types of disorders....

well I'm at work...had a little down time...im gonna do some things and might write later...its funny b/c i find myself thinking through out the day what i can write on my blog...LoL

dont know if n e one will read it but its nice to be able to just freely speak the random and exciting things i think and go through each day....

....until next time....

I see RIGHT thru YOU

Saturday, July 5, 2008

I see right thru you…
As I interpret my thoughts of you
And decipher the “what if’s” in my mind

Can you even see me…
As I watch you
This virtual insanity is what keeps you interesting to me

Is it the music you jam to
Or the beat you step to
That keeps me smitten with thoughts

Am I trying hard to
Keeps these thoughts of you
Fresh in my everyday thoughts

I see right thru you…
Of course I don’t love you
We are on the road to what can be

It’s my phone that I look to
To communicate with you
Even then you don’t respond to me

I see right thru you
Your brain I would love to get into
Just to know what the thoughts are of me…

****L...is for the way you Look @ me....****

Ladies and gentlemen, yes the 4 letter word has been introduced back into my life...and let me just tell you it hit me....it hit me and my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest...my whole body started to tingle all over...it was a wave of emotion that i thought i was never going to feel again....

know by know im sure u are dying to know who...well the real question is not who but WHAT has captivated such emotions...well that "WHAT" that i am talking about is the ER room

today while i was picking up blood samples from the ER there was a "CODE 2" called....this was because there was a car accident with 6 patients. seeing as it is the weekend and after a holiday not alot of people were on staff so they had to call extra people in and all that jazz...

as i was standing there waiting for the nurse to sign the paperwork i heard over the ER radio the EMT calling in to give report on the status of the patients...that is when the wave of emotion hit me. i saw the ER doctor that was on duty jump up, grab some things, he started passing orders to the nurses, the CODE was called over the loud and the security gurad got the ambulane deck cleared ready to recive the patients...my heart was racing and i wasnt even going to get to be apart of the action...

i feel that the more i learn about becoming a doctor...a ER doctor i get more and more excited...the fact that i can help someone in a way that most people cant, i can actually make a difference EVERYDAY....*sigh* im going to go study some more for the MCATS>...i gotta get into med school SOMEWHERE...this is my dream...i don't want anyone to stand in its way or anything....would be nice to have someone other than my phamily by my side but if not...ill have the grace of the good Lord and that is all i need! LoL...well i just had to share this Revelation....

.......until next time.....

Feliz quatro de julio!

well today is july 5th, and i know im a little late...but hope this 4th of july was gr8!

mine...was def memorable...i had the chance to see into the life of a real soap opera...i have drama n my life but not n a short time span like i did last night...let me tell you about it

7:00 AM - work at the hospital at the clerk desk...CRAZY day!

3:00 PM - left the hospital and went straight to the comfort inn that i work at in town...worked there until 9:30 (supose to work till 11 but the lady before me came in early so i could go hang out with my friends...

5:00 PM - mr and mrs phillips call to tell me that they will be here tomorrow around 2 to come visit me!!!! super excited to see my pham!

6:00 PM - get a call from the doctor im shadowing that a patient is going into labor...i get to help/sit in and he was just giving me a time line of when the baby was supose to come! :) made my day

9:45 PM - got off of work and went to go watch the local firework show...it was pretty nice to get to see them with my roomeys

10:30 PM - back at my house...popping fire works...drinkin tequla shotz....having a good time....

12:00 AM - all the fireworks gone, im tired and my roomeys r drunk so i go to bed....i gotta help deliver a baby!

2:00 AM- my roomey busts in my room..." Steph....u have to get me out of the lease....i went to the bathroom and come out and our other roomey _____ was in the kitchen making out with _____"...i sit up in bed...1/2 awake...and say "honestly im not awake and i have to get up soon...can we talk about this tomorrow?"...she drunkenly stumbles out of my room....

3:00 AM - Dr calls....the baby heart rate rapidly dropped so he had to do a emergency sea section...he didnt have time to call me and let me know and i wouldnt have made it in time n e way.... :( no baby delivery for me....i still have a few months to see one...

3:3o AM - my sorority sisters "boo" calls me...."steph she is crying and ____ just showed up at her house (her ex boyfriend that she dumped and he randomly stalks her...) can you go by and check on her and call her for me she is not answering her phone?"...so i call her a few times....no answer...im not going to walk the 5 blocks it takes to get to her house just to find her 6'4 275 lbs ex boyfriend banging on her door...im not fightin any dude and she actually got herself into that mess....looong story....so i call again...and turn over and go back to sleep...

4:00 AM- the "boo" calls back "did you check on her?"...yes! but i have to be at work at 8AM! she didnt answr my call so if she isnt ok then i dunno what to do....

7:00 AM - i wake up...with NO SLEEP...and get ready for work....and here i am

so that was my july 4th...def one to remember...gotta keep life exciting right? LoL

....until next time......

...my place under the sun...

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

ALOHA

ok so for this blog i am going to discuss my goals/dreams/plans for my next trip back to Kauai Hawaii....the first and most important thing that i miss and have to do when i get there is eat the food...my favorite fruit of the area...Lychee (scientific name Litchi chinensis)

its like a grape kinda...u gotta peel off the hard shell and then eat it...it does have some seeds but was one of our fav treats while we were lounging on the beach

hopping into a canoe and just going down the river...finding remote waterfalls and just enjoying the island...

of course the beaches!!! even the private hard to get to ones that usually only the locals know how to get too...but we have been there so many times we learned the secret too...

BANANA JOES!!! the best smoothie place u will ever go to IN YOUR LIFE!!! fresh fruit right off of the tree...to the blender...to your cup...to your mouth....

of course how could i not mention the sunset...laying on the beach...hearing the waves crash with a bond fire lit...watching the sun go down...or up...LoL

OMG how could i forget about the shopping!!!!

the luaus....the wild chickens that are running around...the expensive price for boxed cereal and milk and no free refills at the restaurants...LoL i miss it ALL...cant wait until i get to go back....hopefully i dont have to go alone!

...until next time....

...And The CountDown Begins....

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

the countdown...until me going home...until the MCATS....
home...august 10th
MCATS...August 7th....the day before aubries BDAY!!! talk about partyin afterwerdz!



Joys:
1. my friends that r my family 2. basketball/golf/art 3. belive it or not...but school!

Fears:
1. insects of any kind (flying, crawling, jumping...) and rodents 2. failure 3. Being alone

Goals:
1. get into med school...become a doctor 2. visit Italy, go to hawaii...just travel!! 3. live a happy, healthy life hopefully with someone i Love

Current obsessions/collections:
1. AKA perry 2. anything basketball related (mostly shoes and hoopin shorts) 3. Grey's Anatomy...c'mon how can you not be addicted!

Random surprising facts:
1. i love takin showers in the dark with a candle or night light...dont know why i just do2. i was in a beauty pageant and got 2nd place (b/c my talent sucked! LoL) 3. i am easily amused and its the little things that really make me happy

Exciting things you want to do:
1. speak italian fluently 2. go to a lakers game...courtside..wearin either a Kobe or Magic jersey
3. travel around the world and play golf on some of the most prestige golf courses