Well last night i had to work at the annual kirksville fair (i got to work in the beer tent which is run by the bar i work for) thankfully i got to leave early (b/c i had to be back at the hospital at 6AM :-/...)
but it was ok...def. interesting.
the people of this area are very.....interesting.
a man made a somewhat crude comment about me and my race (be being African American)
i am unsure if he meant it to be rude...i guess he wanted it to be a compliment?...sad to say the remark he made was very inappropriate so i am sorry i cant even share it...LoL
But it was ok.
it def. gave me some flash backs to the days when i was a child and my mom would take us to the Lubbock county fair.
sad to say the kirksville fair is about 1/10 the size of the fair from back home. and the food is not as good either! i went to the fair with high hopes of funnel cakes...caramel apples....turkey legs....lemonade...
i got some "mo-taters" (which were cold and stale :-/ ) and just did not desire any of the other food after walking around looking at it.
there was a "derby" going on...so mud and rain was being flung EVERYWHERE (not to mention the noise)
and it had been raining earlier that day so the whole grounds were wet and VERY muddy...
like i said it was fun...to a certain extent. it def makes me miss being at home and being able to go to a "real" fair and having "real" food. i think i just miss being at home period....
in a sense my life is like a fair. as you walk to each booth or roam from ride to ride...sometime you know or can expect what will happen but at the fair...that is never the case. the ride is either better or worse than you expect it to be...and those prize booths...although the task looks pretty simple actually completing that task and trying to win a prize is sometimes impossible...LoL...
perfect example...me trying to get into medical school...me trying to figure out my life in general...me trying to figure out the people in my life and the roles that they play (b/c believe it or not some of the roles are more important than you think...)
but no matter the hurdles or obstacles....no matter the task...i thank god for each day and for every opportunity that he gives me. each day is a take and i strive to just live it to the fullest and try to please god in the ways that i can. i will continue to enjoy each day and take from it what i can :)
today is my "Friday" at work. i get two days off (FINALLY!!! i have been working over two weeks with no days off....i know i could have said no but the extra $ will be nice!! that much closer to my goals :) ) so i plan to play softball tonight with my DuKum team and enjoy my next few days off. oh yea and study for the MCAT...LoL
As you may or may not know i am getting ready to move...yes...again... :-/
and in doing so i have concluded to a new moving method...
throw a load in my car...drive (less than a mile) to my new place and orginize it/put it where it belong.
i feel this method will be alot better than puting everything in boxes...and it will force me to put things away ASAP as they will have to go somewhere before i can bring more stuff over :)
well as i have started to collect things and put some things in boxes, others in piles or suitecases...i have come across about 60 (yes i said 60) articles of clothing that i have...with tags still on them...and i have not worn them....
yes i know...this is an awful thing....there are people in the world who could have used the money i some what wasted on these clothes that have been sitting in my closet for god knows how long...so i created a solution....sale them :)
my first thought was the salvation army...or good will...but they were still new....with the tags on them!!!
i know i need a new desk ( i am taking my current one to the 2nd hand store to sale...) and i need a book shelf (for all of my AKA sorority decorations...and i need a shelf/holder for my collection of 250 DVD's.
so in order to get new things i want for my house. i must sale other things that i have.
sounds like a good trade off.
out with the old...and in with the new.
in order to get the desk, shelf, and DVD stand i must de-clutter my life and my closet.
i am on a budget ( to get my bills paid by the end of the summer and to put $ aside for my NYC trip) so i have to be smart.
i do have money saved...but i dont want to get back in my old habit of just buying b/c i have the money and just b/c i want it. so if i want it i must get rid of some things :)
i have already sold $200 worth of stuff!! (yes all brand new and i even made a profit off of some of the items i sold). i still have about 40 items still up for auction right now. if i sale everything i will have more than enough to get the desk, DVD stand, and shelf...and maybe a GPS for my car....oh yea and $ to go into my "NEw Computer" fund....LoL
so far so good...i will def be sure to keep you updated :)
Well i have decided that i want my blog to be read by other people. i read someplace else that the best way to do so is to go read other people's blog (which i do very often) and comment. the more you comment and get your name out there, the higher the chance someone will click on a link to my page! :)
i dont know i just want to reach out and touch someone. i know that i am not the only person going through the things i am going through...but it would be nice to have some virtual friends (because to be honest i dont have any!! not that it is a bad thing, just want to have some other people to reach out too...)
well here begins a new journey....and a new chapter....we will see how this goes....
saturady, july 10, 2010
this was prob the most fun i have ever had at work.
That day i got to work with Tammy and Hillerey
It was a nice slow day.
Not alot of morning draws to do
just a nice steady load to get done and then the rest of the day i got to enjoy
But on this day...
it was the first time that i could actualy talk about my moms death
and not cry
not get sad
it was like we all understood eachother
tammy lost her husband
and hillarey lost her mom
tammy had asked if there was anything more she could do for her children
she could still see that they were hurting
and i think both hilarey and i helped her out
we talked about the annoying abundence of food that people would bring us
or the excessive phone calls/text
it has been the first time since my mom passed that i found people that understood
or that could relate
it was very comfoting
i feel that at that time, on that day we grew a closer bond to eachother
thoughout all this time
talking to family and friends
i never felt or found someone who felt the same or shared the same feeling
even when talking with my sister or brothers
but it was weird how we all could relate and know completly how each other had felt
we excahnged stories of pre/post the passing of our loved ones
and like i said it was just comforting.
i know i prob will never find that again
but if i need that comfort
the same feeling i felt while we were talking about it
i will just think back to that moment
when we all sad in the break room
had an amazing breakfast of bagels and fruit
and shared a tragic incodent that we all shared
i know some days are easier to deal with it
and i know the pain, questions, and sadness will never fully go away
i think the lord knew i needed that moment
and i will forever be greatful
do you ever just casually think about the people that you use to date or that you use to love?
and wonder or go back to why you felt that way for them?
all the good times?
all the bad?
I think back to that oftern ( i suppose because i am alone and single now)
but it is annoying to see them happy.
not to say that they should be sad and miserable...
but those who caused you so much pain are so happy and carrying on
i realized one thing that i have take from each of my "old flames"...
yes i have managed to sneak away some type of article of clothing (but to my suprise i have gotten rid of most of the collection i had...)
i have gotten music
from RVS...the amazing collection of old school rap and hip hop
from the nupe...an amazing collection of neo soul and jazz/r&b
from chase bank....some old school classics and some texas songs that make your heart melt
from my first love...reggaton....yes i am in love with the style and now hav a HUGE collection (thanks to him)
from Texas Boi...some good/bad wayne and other good texas rap songs (and some good slow jamz)
i dont know if it a habit or if it is a trend...
the worst part is when we break up/go out seperate ways
and the songs come up on my ipod (b/c i like to keep it on random)
yea it will take me a bit to get over that feeling and to actual enjoy the songs for what they are
but not that i have this amazing song collection
and now that i have no emotional attachement to any of them at all
now that i am happy with me and blessed to se each day
patiently awaiting for the next "genre" or "playlist" to come into my life
i will continue to enjoy the music i was given
music...i would not be able to make it through the day without it.
music...each verse and each beat provide motivation on those down days
music...the instant smile on my face when "that song" plays
i am always looking to increase my collect...who knows what songs i will be introduced to next :)
well over the past few days it has become suprisingly clear how alone i am...but at the same time i am not alone...
it is a weird feeling. i know that i am surrounded by so many people that support me and so many different people that love me...but at the same time i am still not satisfied with that. its like something is missing...like i am wanting and needing more.
i dont know if i need to lean on my faith more or if it is the simple fact that for the first time...i think ever...i actually dont have a male counter part. not as in someone on the side...a dip on the low...nothing...LoL not even a prospect. and i do feel good not to have that but at the same time it hits me as to how alone i am.
i honestly forget my phone at home or in my car for the simple fact that i know that i wont be expecting a call...and if it is a call it is from family or a random friend...or my roomie and i can text/call them back whenever. that is bad/good that i hav gotten to that point! LoL yet i am very dependant on my phone...i feel free and somewhat relived to not have to look at it every 5 min. i seriously will forget it in my car or in the other room and feel no urgency in getting it. i try to keep the ringer on just in case i get a call (b/c jennifer is still in Brazil so i always try to get her call if i am not at work...) but other than that...its great...
but for the first time it seems like everyone around me has someone...but me...
erica...yea to my heart burn she bounces b/w ppl that seriously are not the best for her. but she is "happy"...chelsea has someone...kelsey has someone...aubrie has someone...my ship, most of them have someone but it still doesnt matter b/c we r not together alot so its not like i would really know much/any thing about them....it just sucks when the people around you are excited about someone and going on dates...and all i have to look forwerd to is payday....*sigh* i need a vacation...LoL...what i really need is a new life....in a new place. that may not solve the issue but it def will shake things up. i am stuck in a rut and need to get out of it and QUICK!
but until then...i guess i will try to wrap myself in other things....like working out. insanity is great! this is recovery week...altho not at much cardio i am stll super sore!!! and i still sweat so much during/after the work outs. but i am happy to work hard. i cant wait to see the results i have been working for. now that is def something to look forwerd to...i can get more involved with my faith...and i def need to pick up the studyin for the MCAT....i just hate to stay busy to hide the faults in my life...but i guess that is what you have to do to make it to the top....
i guess the good thing about this is that i dont have anyone holding me back from doing what i want to do the most. i can just shoot for my goal and see where i land. i can say that is the amazing thing about it. but i gotta get to my goal first...so in all actuallity i am still stuck...LoL...yea the more and more i wrap my head around this the more bad things i see ...so yea...i am gonna let it go for now...and go eat...and study...LoL
i was working at the hospital and saw a true display of love. this elderly woman in the hospital. it was breakfast time and i was getting her blood. as i was finishing up her husband walked in with a trey full of food. and not just any food but the healthy and good stuff...fruit...yogurt...granola...a HUGE tea jar of freshly made tea...the works...and then he sits next to her and starts to feed her. Now i will add that she was capable of feeding herself, but he wanted to feed her to help her...and it was sooooo cute!! i just wanted to cry...i just hope that if i am ever in the situation i have someone there to feed me food and to bring me a huge pitcher of my favorite drink...
The 4th of july was fun. had a HUGE BBQ and had alot of ppl..food...booze...and fire works. def the best BBQ we hav thrown ever. it was fun :)
to start off the 4th Kelsey and her man stopped by just for the night. it was def good to see her. i didnt realize how much i missed her until i saw her again.
and last night i went the Kansas City and spent the night with aubrie and her family. i love her family. they seriously have taken me in as if i was one of them. her brother seth is home visiting from the air force and alot of their family got together to have a big dinner. it was fun and def good to see her family again. i missed her too. i didnt realize how much i miss being around her either. *sigh* i dont like growing up...its no fun at all...
as i am getting older and starting to come into my own i am starting to realize alot of things...not only about me but about life. I have chosen to just cut all the fat from my life...not fat as in body fat or food (altho i do eat pretty healthy now...LoL)
but fat as in people and things that just dont need to be there. i am only accepting the best. yes it was hard but it def was for the best and i am glad i did it. i would rather be alone and waiting than mad and upset b/c i keep getting treated like some 2nd rate person...i dont want to be #2 anymore...i want to be #1...and that is all i am going to accept. no more nonsense... :) i feel good, i feel blessed, and i do feel loved by all of the other people that god ahs put in my life.
im blessed...no stress...no regrets...and im living my life to strive to be the best i can be for me and those around me...but most importantly for God...
I wake up each day and go to bed each night counting my blessings
i am so greatful for all the things god has given me.
all the oppertunities and all the people he has placed in my life.
i live each day to be more like him and to try to live each day to the fullest.
i am so greatful for everything
yes there are some things that i could def change,
but the reality is everyone could change things about them and things in their life.
i look forwerd to all the other things he will bring into my life.
i esp cant wait for "mr. right" :)
well today is july 2nd, 2010.
started off with a good day. got to sleep in...went and worked out...went to go buy the food/booze for the BIG BBQ we are gonna have on sunday. i am really excited about it. Hopefully alot of people will come! but we will have to see :)
have you ever found an issue or topic that you just did not feel wa right? did you ever just feel like you were mistreated by someone above you but that you could not just do anything about it? well i felt that way and i did something about it....needless to to say it kinda worked!
a doctor and nurse decided to yell at me and treat me like i was just some dunce from the street. i stood up for myself. i wrote a report...and turned it into the CEO.
I made some demands and i got them!!
i finally know what it feels like to stand up for what you belive in. i did it at work. not 100% happy with the outcome but at least i made a small ripple at work
its all about resect. no matter if you are a nurse, a doctor, or anything, you should get treated with respect. that is all i was aking for. hopefully now people (nurses and doctors) with think twice befroe deciding to just be mean and go off on someone just because they are having a bad day. but i am happy that i stood up for myself and for what i do. and for the fact that i know that i was right. :)